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Old 10-18-2008, 11:07 AM
 
Location: So Cal
51,956 posts, read 52,393,874 times
Reputation: 52458

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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
That's one of the better stories I've read here recently.

I'd like to attract someone more like myself. I'm reasonably attractive and have good things going on, but I not sure what image I put forth.
Kind of interesting, I've not thought much about the image I put forth. Probably not much of an "image" as I'm kind of shy and quite. I think shy people probably get labeled as boring or insecure. I don't feel boring though. Actually I'm considered the comedian of the family. Strange being shy and quite yet the family comedian.
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Old 10-18-2008, 11:12 AM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 5,075,166 times
Reputation: 2048
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
That's one of the better stories I've read here recently.

I'd like to attract someone more like myself. I'm reasonably attractive and have good things going on, but I not sure what image I put forth.
That's what his words meant to me. I've actually stolen/borrowed a girl from kevin. He liked her, but she wasn't hot for him. I did ask if it was ok, but what was he going to say? He probably doesn't want to introduce me to any girls he meets. As a matter of fact he has slowed down hanging out with me to one night a week probably because of that. And that started right after I hooked up with her. In a reverse situation am I the one getting the despised looks? I already know the answer. At first I was shocked to discover some of my male friends were bad mouthing me to girls. I am putting forth a neon sign!
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Old 10-18-2008, 11:20 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,376 posts, read 24,364,602 times
Reputation: 17405
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelyinLa View Post
This is definitely true. If you're not meeting people where you're hanging out at, then yes it's time to switch it up a bit.

Think about the type of guy/woman you'd like to meet and go where you think they would be (if you like the artist type, go to some galleries, art shows etc.). Not saying you're going to meet the person of your dreams the first time out but you have a better chance there than at the bar.
I'm not so much a bar person, though I do enjoy going to the place where most of my friends go, and it's a bar. I go to art shows with one of my friends, the one I mentioned earlier.

Problem there is I realized that even our close friends who know better are treating us like a couple. And that's impossible. I think it's off-putting to potential dates that I'm often out with an attractive gay man.

Not everyone understands how much easier it is to go to an event when you have someone to escort you around. I was under the misconception that everyone must understand he's gay and we go places together to meet other people.

I don't particularly enjoy going to social events completely by myself.
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Old 10-18-2008, 11:25 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
754 posts, read 1,446,703 times
Reputation: 710
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post

I'd like to attract someone more like myself. I'm reasonably attractive and have good things going on, but I not sure what image I put forth.
Confidence is very sexy to men, so as long as you're not sulking in a corner somewhere you're fine. What do you like to do? Start there.
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Old 10-18-2008, 11:44 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,376 posts, read 24,364,602 times
Reputation: 17405
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovelyinLa View Post
Confidence is very sexy to men, so as long as you're not sulking in a corner somewhere you're fine. What do you like to do? Start there.
I try not to sulk in corners, though occasionally agoraphobia or mental exhaustion will get the better of me and all I want to do is to retreat to someplace calm and quiet.

On better occasions I do pretty well mingling in a crowd and carrying on as one should. I keep an eye open for single men, but in many instances, there are not many single men at cultural events. Who would have guessed that? LOL.

I missed most of baseball season this year, which is where a lot of single men go. I'm not a sports fan but most men are.
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Old 10-18-2008, 11:48 AM
 
Location: Texas
2,437 posts, read 6,997,736 times
Reputation: 1809
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
That's how I feel for the most part. I am pretty happy. But I'm bored with the status quo and want to make an effort to improve things.

I feel like it's harder to improve a reasonably good situation and make positive changes than it it to fix a bad one.
I am thinking.. the question of the day is..

is there something broken you need to fix to make this change? If you feel you are okay in what you are doing.. to heck with dating someone who will do nothing but break you down. Not that everyone is that way of course.. but why make changes if you feel you are doing okay? If you feel that you need someone by your side and changes are needed.. then maybe you go looking for someone.. but if you are content.. stay the way you are.
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Old 10-18-2008, 11:52 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
11,376 posts, read 24,364,602 times
Reputation: 17405
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Man in SATX View Post
I am thinking.. the question of the day is..

is there something broken you need to fix to make this change? If you feel you are okay in what you are doing.. to heck with dating someone who will do nothing but break you down. Not that everyone is that way of course.. but why make changes if you feel you are doing okay? If you feel that you need someone by your side and changes are needed.. then maybe you go looking for someone.. but if you are content.. stay the way you are.
I think it might be nice to be in a good relationship. It's going to require making an effort to put myself out there more often. I'm perfectly fine being single, but I'd like a change.
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Old 10-18-2008, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Texas
2,437 posts, read 6,997,736 times
Reputation: 1809
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
I think it might be nice to be in a good relationship. It's going to require making an effort to put myself out there more often. I'm perfectly fine being single, but I'd like a change.
Good relationships are great to have and hard to find. With you being fine being single.. time is on your side.. you will eventually find the man of your dreams.. just take your time doing so.. there are a lot of a-holes out there...
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Old 10-18-2008, 11:58 AM
 
Location: Los Angeles
754 posts, read 1,446,703 times
Reputation: 710
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie View Post
I'm not so much a bar person, though I do enjoy going to the place where most of my friends go, and it's a bar. I go to art shows with one of my friends, the one I mentioned earlier.

Problem there is I realized that even our close friends who know better are treating us like a couple. And that's impossible. I think it's off-putting to potential dates that I'm often out with an attractive gay man.

Not everyone understands how much easier it is to go to an event when you have someone to escort you around. I was under the misconception that everyone must understand he's gay and we go places together to meet other people.

I don't particularly enjoy going to social events completely by myself.
Men fear rejection, just like we do. Some men will not approach a woman who's with too many female friends, so approaching one with another dude would definitely put most off. Would you walk up to a man with another woman? Why don't you drag him to some of your sporting events, when you get there you'll have to be sure to make eye contact with the men you're attracted to and smile. These gestures will make it kind of obvious that you and your friend are not a couple.

Also, I'm a loner so I have no problem going places by myself. But I have to tell you, I meet more men alone than out with friends. I think the gym is a great place, throw so eye contact out there and see what happens. Also, it's a great place to meet women as well. Maybe you can find another woman to hang out with and make it a little easier for the men.
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Old 10-18-2008, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Texas
2,437 posts, read 6,997,736 times
Reputation: 1809
The problem with talking to one woman while she is with another is if you do not have a friend to occupy the other woman.. she becomes aggrevated that her friend is not talking to her. So in essence she makes it to where the lady you are trying to talk to tells you "sorry, I am with my friend".

This happens to be the case more times then not.. so therefore men typically will not walk up to a woman (unless she is by herself) and start talking to someone who has another woman with her.
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