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I don't have first-hand experience with this exactly, but it seems that a lot of married people no longer feel "in love" after the first few years. And then they feel much like you do, they love their spouse but are no longer "in love".
What did you expect? What do you want?
It sounds to me like you've got more going for your relationship that you realize. Everyone has annoying habits. People take each other for granted. Your husband actually loves you. That's a very big deal, IMO.
Do you have any common goals? Is there anything you can accomplish better as a team than alone? Have you made an objective list of the pros and cons of remaining married over becoming single again?
Have you tried to find some books on relationships? They're probably as good as going to a counselor.
I don't know. You can get a divorce if you want to. It's probably better to let things go awhile longer. You're young, feeling restless, and your husband can only talk it out so much before he feels overwhelmed and backs off. There are so many interpersonal dynamics to take into consideration.
But the bottom line is, the newness will wear off of every relationship. You'll be trading one set of issues for another if you find someone else. In reality you're really on your own right now. I'd say to relax and find something else in your life that you can objectively improve.
Chance, you've got to get the fire back. The passion isn't there. You need to tell him how you feel. You've got to salvage this thing. Think about the day you first meet him. What ran through your mind? Take a week off, and spend some time together. Lay it all out. Get away from the daily grind. Recreate your first date. Tell each other just what yall were thinking that night. Tell him how scared/amazed you were with him and have him do the same. Tell him about the moment you knew you were going to spend the rest of your life with him. Have him do the same. Yall can make it. Your covenant is blessed by God almighty.
I'm not the type to suggest a course of action regarding stay vs. go except in cases of abuse or unrepentant addicts... but I would simply add: PLEASE do everything reasonably possible to make sure you don't have kids with him until you sort out which course you ultimately take.
Another thing that got my attention is that you said you tried counseling, as in, alone. Wrong approach -- you need to go together. This is not a personal problem, it's a relationship problem. And both parties to the relationship need to be involved in the search for solutions.
Third thing.. there are some people who don't care where they live as long as they're with their spouse, and there are others whose psyches can be so damaged by hating where they live that it interferes with other aspects of their lives. You sound like the latter. (So am I, so I can relate.) That may be part of your problem, but don't count on addressing that alone to be the sole solution. It's definitely something to talk about with a counselor, and let me re-emphasize -- with a counsleor together.
I was in your shoes a couple of years ago. I had been with my then bf for 6 1/2 years and he was pretty much everything I wanted on paper, but I always felt something was missing. Like you he helped me through the worst time of my life (the passing of my mom) and to this day I don't know what I would've done without him. But as the dust settled I realized that I just wasn't in love with him and I could no longer waste both of our time by waiting to fall for him. Fortunately, you actually were in love with your husband so I have to be optimistic here and say that you can get that back. I did some quick research on this and it seems that this is common at this point in a marriage as the reality sets in so maybe some counseling is just the thing you guys need to help you get over this. Good Luck
If you feel pushed into the marriage, then it's no wonder you're lookingto get out now. And that isn't going to change. I would strongly recommend a separation during which you can decide if you really want to be with him or not. And don't let his problems at work have you postpone the separation, if you do, there will always be something to keep you there. During the separation, don't spend anytime together or communicate for at least one month. When you have some time alone, you can truly decide what YOU really want.
If your not in love with him..LEAVE.. if you stay is will get worse until you feel like you are living in an emotional prison that you can't break out of know matter how hard you try. OOPS we're talking about you, right?
*GASP* Your relationship isn't like the movies, TV shows, and songs tell you? You're not still "in love" and crazy about each other and everytime feels like the first time? You love the guy? Make it work. After you leave this marriage and find another fire to burn you'll leave when that one cools off, etc. Maybe it's your expectations of what a long term relationship is that needs adjusting? Maybe not, but it's worth examining.
This is the classic case of why you don't marry until five years after leaving school.
Why? You'll grow more in those five years than you will for the rest of your days. Your attitudes, your opinions, your friends, and your values will transform radically once you've been tested by the real world. That's because dating while in college or high school is easy. The only challenge you have as a couple is scrounging up enough beer-and-pizza money for the weekend.
So now you've wakened to find that you're a different person than you were when you got married, and your husband has grown in a different direction, too.
This is the classic case of why you don't marry until five years after leaving school.
Why? You'll grow more in those five years than you will for the rest of your days. Your attitudes, your opinions, your friends, and your values will transform radically once you've been tested by the real world. That's because dating while in college or high school is easy. The only challenge you have as a couple is scrounging up enough beer-and-pizza money for the weekend.
So now you've wakened to find that you're a different person than you were when you got married, and your husband has grown in a different direction, too.
Nicely put.....the determining factor, a lot of the time, is growing together in the same direction.....might be simple luck or it might be the strength of true love......who knows, but if this works with you, your marriage should work for you.
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