How do you know when it's time to walk away from your marriage? (dating, love)

[AKgirlinCA]

Is there a certain feeling inside....?
I haven't been happy for about a year now; I don't feel like typing all the details right now but was just looking for some advice...

[azoria]

There could be a lot of reasons you are not happy that aren't necessarily the fault of the marriage.

Unhappiness doesn't mean the union is over. People seem to quick to ditch a marriage that somehow doesn't fulfill their expectations all the time every day year after year.

Maybe I'm just being grumpy, this forum really pi$$es me off as lot. People throwing their own children out of the house because of friction and disappointments. People who believe the elderly to be old fools past their sell-by date. People who just can't make a commitment to other people in their lives and stick to it.

America seems like a throw away culture. Our spouses, our appliances, our kids, our old people, our vows, our pets, our jobs. Throw it out and get a new one, we'll surely be happier without the old one.

[asitshouldbe]

I have felt it for years yet here I am still married to the "paycheck".

[Driller1]

I wish someone would come along with an easy answer.

[azoria]

Perhaps our unhappiness is rooted in a cultural anomaly upheld by the Constitution that guarantees us the "pursuit of happiness." This is found nowhere else in the world.

In other places people don't expect to pursue 'happiness'. One raises one's children because it is the duty of the parent to do so, not because it necessarily creates happiness. One takes care of the elderly because it is the right thing to do, not because of some utopian vision of happiness. One endures the difficult times of marriage because one has made a commitment to do so whether happiness is the constant result or not.

Happiness is not the be all end all of our existence. We must do many things that make us unhappy. Happiness is not a daily condition of life. It comes and it goes.

[Aylalou]

Originally Posted by AKgirlinCA

Is there a certain feeling inside....?
I haven't been happy for about a year now; I don't feel like typing all the details right now but was just looking for some advice...

If we knew more about it, we might be able to determine whether you're unhappy in general, or if there is something about your husband that makes you unhappy. Need to know more. Feelings can be misleading and can change depending on making changes and may not be a trustworthy guide for ending a marriage.

[AKgirlinCA]

Okay guess I better include some details......

1) We are a young couple. I was married at 21 and we've been together about 5 years now. I never really got to experience dating & single life....just being free basically.

2) I am concerned about his drinking. He used to drink WAY too much and now is down to a few nights a week, a 6pack each time. He can't have just one though. He does hold a job down and is a hard worker but I grew up around alcoholics so it drives me nuts. He won't stop completely and feels he has cut back enough.

3) Our sex life sucks...I don't know what the problem is but we are lucky to have it twice a month if that. Which is not right for people in their 20's, IMO !!!!

4) He is generally a couch potato which I can't stand. I'm not super active but I don't like to spend the whole weekend watching tv.

5) I don't feel like we "connect". He is not intellectual AT ALL. We were raised completely different and I know that contributes to this but I'm finding myself wanting someone more educated and intellectual. Not just the "joe 6pack" type of guy.

6) I would love to be a stay at home mom after I have my first child and he wants no part of that. Thinks it's me wanting to be "lazy".

There are many other things but these are what I could think of right now. I'm really tired - I have 3 midterms this coming week!
Thank you for all the advice.....

[New-Mona]

Don't walk away from your marriage, don't do anything , just try to relax first ,and make yourself normal. It is a big mistake to make decisions when you are on pressure or feel angry and sad .You need to think clearly about your life.
I want to ask you a question: Do you think one sad year is a reason enough to end your marriage???

[YBF]

I think that when its time to leave you'll know. When you cant take it anymore, when your mental health is suffering, when you are the only one trying. Its sometihing YOU KNOW...IMHO when its time to let go. Have you given it your all? Have you exhausted all other options?

[AKgirlinCA]

I don't know the answer to your question monaliza. Yes and no. Yes because I'm only 23 and I don't want to waste any more years of my life. No because I do love my husband and he is generally good to me. I have felt weird/different for awhile now and I don't know what to do with it.