Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 10-20-2008, 12:10 PM
 
4,482 posts, read 5,316,126 times
Reputation: 2966

Advertisements

... so I catch up w/ a good buddy of mine, Randy, who had been dating this chick, Tessa. It was a young relationship but they were into each other.

And then I get a call - it's Randy saying it's over.

Later on, I call Randy to ask him what had happened. He tells me the relationship was souring, that Tessa had begun to treat him worse, all the while he'd been the best possible boyfriend. (Randy's a very nice guy - kind of the type that some women take for granted cuz he tries so hard).

Randy tells me the relationship had a sudden death. They hadn't talked for one week and when they finally spoke to each other on Friday night, they had another argument. Tessa said, "look: the relationship is either going to stay the same, or we can end it. I'm not going to change my attitude towards you or anything I've been doing. Makes no difference to me whatever you want. So make a final decision."

I chuckled cynically... Tessa wanted to break up with him but used this cheesy reverse psychology to put the onus of action on him. He was displeased, and said he had to go (he did - he was on his way to an outing).

Now what follows, I don't agree with, but I see why he did it.

Randy was very angry, and the pent-up negativity he'd built up from her worsened attitude and her refusal to talk things over in a civil manner got the best of him. So he sends Tessa a text message basically saying, "you wanted a final decision? It's over. Don't contact me again - I have no wish to even be friends with you."

And Randy resumes his outing w/ his buddies. 15 minutes later, Tessa calls, and of course Randy refuses to answer. She leaves a voicemail, in which Tessa says sarcastically she wasn't pleased with his response and didn't appreciate the manner of his communication, and asks him to call her. Then a few hours later, by the time Randy's heading home, Tessa texts him and says, "Randy, I understand now. OK. You take care."

I think Tessa took his niceness for granted and when she gave him that b/tchy ultimatum, she felt she could have exerted control over him up to the very end, and she expected him to buckle and to do what she wanted. I do think, then, that her quickness to call once she saw she'd been dumped by a text msg reflected her surprise at a cold response she didn't think he'd be capable of.

I don't think Randy was right to text... he could've called her and told her how much of a ***** she was directly. But what is it with these women who take good boyfriends for granted? And he went out of his way to treat her well... the one time I met her, she gushed about how considerate and thoughtful he was. And then women complain we guys are too selfish and self-centered.

Ah, weekend drama...
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-20-2008, 12:19 PM
 
64 posts, read 129,021 times
Reputation: 40
Unfortunately we women can be such b.....s ! We fall in love with a man;the sun sets and rises on him. Then we slowly start noticing flaws (sheesh usually faults which are an affliction of mankind) then we ask him to change and he does because he wants to make her happy. We are once again happy ..... until..... we notice something else . Once again we change the one we are supposed to be in love with. We don't get it!! We are lacking something in ourselves something that we would rather not deal with so we attack the characteristics of the one who is our light of our life.
As far as I am concerned he handled it all perfectly . I really hope that he finds the "right woman" she is out there
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 12:25 PM
 
4,482 posts, read 5,316,126 times
Reputation: 2966
Quote:
Originally Posted by ludia View Post
Unfortunately we women can be such b.....s ! We fall in love with a man;the sun sets and rises on him. Then we slowly start noticing flaws (sheesh usually faults which are an affliction of mankind) then we ask him to change and he does because he wants to make her happy. We are once again happy ..... until..... we notice something else . Once again we change the one we are supposed to be in love with. We don't get it!! We are lacking something in ourselves something that we would rather not deal with so we attack the characteristics of the one who is our light of our life.
As far as I am concerned he handled it all perfectly . I really hope that he finds the "right woman" she is out there
I told him that I disagreed with his use of a text message as opposed to a phone call and telling her directly why he was breaking up - he didn't ever tell her WHY.

He was still a bit angry and told me he hoped that she'd regret her actions which drove him away. Well, I happened to catch up with Yasmin, a lady who is an acquaintance of mine and friend of Tessa's. Yasmin asked me if I knew about the breakup.

Because Yasmin and I are not very close at all, I spoke w/o detail about what I knew, and I noticed Yasmin wasn't about to make any exposes either. But I asked Yasmin how Tessa felt, and she said Tessa didn't sound too happy when she told Yasmin about the breakup.

I later communicated this to Randy and he felt vindicated. Petty perhaps, but understandable.

As for changing - Randy juggled work and full-time grad school a while back to get to where he is now. He still has to pay some grad school loans and busted his ass to get to his current (better) situation - and Tessa had the audacity to say at least 4 times to Randy that maybe Randy would be best off switching professions. Talk about nerve.

I speak as Randy's friend, but Tessa deserved what she got - it's not nice to tell your SO that him staying or leaving makes no difference. If that's not a slap in the face, what is?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 12:38 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,181 posts, read 3,050,340 times
Reputation: 464
I don't disagree with the text message thing. Sometimes, when a person has had it, it's really not worth a conversation. Also, he might be too nice a guy and was afraid of backing down if he got on the phone with her.

Based on her initial reaction, it seems like he did the right thing. A phone call would have just put him on the receiving end of her anger and he really didn't need or deserve that.

I hope he finds someone that deserves him. Best of luck to your friend.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 12:39 PM
 
77,920 posts, read 60,091,609 times
Reputation: 49290
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sprawling_Homeowner View Post
I told him that I disagreed with his use of a text message as opposed to a phone call and telling her directly why he was breaking up - he didn't ever tell her WHY.

He was still a bit angry and told me he hoped that she'd regret her actions which drove him away. Well, I happened to catch up with Yasmin, a lady who is an acquaintance of mine and friend of Tessa's. Yasmin asked me if I knew about the breakup.

Because Yasmin and I are not very close at all, I spoke w/o detail about what I knew, and I noticed Yasmin wasn't about to make any exposes either. But I asked Yasmin how Tessa felt, and she said Tessa didn't sound too happy when she told Yasmin about the breakup.

I later communicated this to Randy and he felt vindicated. Petty perhaps, but understandable.

As for changing - Randy juggled work and full-time grad school a while back to get to where he is now. He still has to pay some grad school loans and busted his ass to get to his current (better) situation - and Tessa had the audacity to say at least 4 times to Randy that maybe Randy would be best off switching professions. Talk about nerve.

I speak as Randy's friend, but Tessa deserved what she got - it's not nice to tell your SO that him staying or leaving makes no difference. If that's not a slap in the face, what is?
Ouch, yeah...any girl that said that to me would get the immediate "Ok, bye." Seems like the girl was a bit immature and possibly felt she had the upper hand and was bullying him with it. Oh well, seems like they got a clean break and can both move on.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:39 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top