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Old 10-22-2008, 03:19 AM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,722 posts, read 4,295,285 times
Reputation: 1292

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
Ah yes, but according to John Mellencamp, "Life goes on long after the thrill of livin' is gone," so there is that!

 
Old 10-22-2008, 08:11 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
HI again,

I know my posting might seem to be contradictory, but the truth is, everything in my life is so contradictory. My husband is a good guy, but not perfect. Neither am I. In the start of our relationship we were young. Our relationship consited of partying all the time, with all our friends. That continued until we had children, then it came to a screehing stop. We never really had a grown up, real life, relationship. Now I don't want to try anymore. We never do anything fun. I cannot remember the last time we actually laughed. I went to a funneral with some co workers the other day, and honestly it was the most fun I had in 10 years. Someone had asked if my husband was only a good guy after an argument, and the truth is no-he really is good most of the time. When I had approced the divorce subject with him, he agreed, then got angry and said that I had to have someone else I want to be with. Then he cried and said he cannot imagine his life without me and that I was destroying the family and the children.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX
2,722 posts, read 5,459,241 times
Reputation: 2223
You sound bat chit crazy to me.

And immature.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 08:43 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,181 posts, read 3,050,340 times
Reputation: 464
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
HI again,

I know my posting might seem to be contradictory, but the truth is, everything in my life is so contradictory. My husband is a good guy, but not perfect. Neither am I. In the start of our relationship we were young. Our relationship consited of partying all the time, with all our friends. That continued until we had children, then it came to a screehing stop. We never really had a grown up, real life, relationship. Now I don't want to try anymore. We never do anything fun. I cannot remember the last time we actually laughed. I went to a funneral with some co workers the other day, and honestly it was the most fun I had in 10 years. Someone had asked if my husband was only a good guy after an argument, and the truth is no-he really is good most of the time. When I had approced the divorce subject with him, he agreed, then got angry and said that I had to have someone else I want to be with. Then he cried and said he cannot imagine his life without me and that I was destroying the family and the children.
You're instincts are telling you that you need help and that's why you're here, but this is not the right place for you. You need serious help, not just other people's criticism.

Go speak to a professional to sort out your emotions before you make a decision.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 09:38 AM
 
788 posts, read 2,107,871 times
Reputation: 598
His reactions are very normal - according to what you wrote.
If someone is threatening to ruin your life - those are normal range of emotions
 
Old 10-22-2008, 10:01 AM
 
Location: Pleasant Shade Tn
2,214 posts, read 5,566,920 times
Reputation: 561
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
Hi Everyone,

Let me give you my background so hopefully you all can help me make the biggest desicion of my life. I met my husband when I was just 14 (he was 15). He was my one and only. We moved in together when I was 18 becasue my mom kicked me out of the house. When I was 22 we got married. AT 23 I had my first little girl. At 25 I had my second child. Fast forward 10 years ------ Here I am 32 married and miserable. The problem is MY HUSBAND IS GREAT. I should be happy. We have always had our kids with us, never any babysitters. us and the girls 24/7. Now I feel like I don't know him, but worst, I feel like I don't even want to try to know him. I feel like this is my last chance at my own life. I want to go out with my friends when I want to. I want to date other people. Live my OWN LIFE. We have discussed this several time over the last few months. Every time we do, I end up feeling so bad for him He says how much he loves me (which he always did tell me that over the years) He asks what he can do to make me happy and want to stay with him. He has a sucky family. My family is basically his family, so I feel like I would be ripping him away from not only me but everyone else.

Also, I have recently lost 120 lbs. and I look and feel better then I ever have. He thinks this is why I want out. Maybe it is. I really don't know. What I know it that for years before I lost the weight, I didn't like sleeping with him, but now its even worst. I have to force myself to let him touch me. I really don't know what to do. I feel guilty that I am going to ruin my childrens lives. He is a great husban and a great dad. What should I do????

I haven't read the other responses but here is how I feel about it.

I feel like a promise is a promise; a vow is a vow. I don't feel like the marriage vow is something that gets to be thrown away for any reason, unless infidelity is involved which doesnt seem to be the case.

It sounds to me like you are burned out. You need time away, for yourself. You've lost weight, great. Enjoy that energy you have and take some time to exercise regularly, maybe even going to a health club or a daily jog. This will increase your endorphins and give you a mental boost to deal w/ your other problems. You will naturally feel better if you are taking care of yourself and focusing on things other than your marriage.

The next step would be to of course talk to your husband about why you need a little 'me time'. Plan to take nights away from your husband with girlfriends a couple of times a week. Don't go to clubs where alcohol could play on your current situation and present unhealthy temptations, however. I doubt that will solve anything. Go to movies, dinner, karaoke-act like a kid. Maybe even take a girl trip to a spa.

But the most important thing is to 'date' your husband again. Get to know him as he is now before you discount him completely. Take it slow. But you guys definitely need a date night, badly. He is after all the father of your children and a GOOD man. You'll likely regret losing him if you do.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 10:23 AM
 
Location: USA
1,952 posts, read 4,778,580 times
Reputation: 2266
I've only read your original question, nothing after that.
You have 2 children to think about. Your feelings are selfish and self-serving. There is nothing wrong with your husband but there is something wrong with you.

Find fulfillment in doing for others. You are blessed. You're not missing anything - except a lot of trauma and heartache.

Find something CONSTRUCTIVE to devote your energies to - volunteering, a new career, starting a business - SOMETHING besides breaking up your family!!! My God, woman.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 10:27 AM
 
24,834 posts, read 37,248,003 times
Reputation: 11538
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundance View Post
I've only read your original question, nothing after that.
You have 2 children to think about. Your feelings are selfish and self-serving. There is nothing wrong with your husband but there is something wrong with you.

Find fulfillment in doing for others. You are blessed. You're not missing anything - except a lot of trauma and heartache.

Find something CONSTRUCTIVE to devote your energies to - volunteering, a new career, starting a business - SOMETHING besides breaking up your family!!! My God, woman.
You forgot barefoot and pregnant.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 10:39 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
1,181 posts, read 3,050,340 times
Reputation: 464
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sundance View Post
I've only read your original question, nothing after that.
Well then, maybe you shouldn't have jumped the gun.

She's posted several times and expanded greatly. When people are going through a difficult time, does it really help to berate them? They come here for help.... is that what you were trying to do? Seriously!!!!
 
Old 10-22-2008, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Right were I should be!
1,081 posts, read 1,643,780 times
Reputation: 1126
you have already made up your mind to leave or you wouldn't keep coming back to that.

Wait until after the holidays (doing whatever you have to do behind the scenes) before you physically leave.

You really do need to be the one to go and you need to take the responsibility of telling your children what is going on and that it is your fault, not theirs.

When it comes to your husband, he's an adult and he'll have to find a way to deal, but be kind, make it a clean break.- That means no leading him on that you 'may' change your mind or that you need time or some other needy, crazy B.S.!
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