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Old 10-22-2008, 11:17 AM
 
18 posts, read 58,732 times
Reputation: 34

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To the OP:
What do you think you've missed during the years you've been with your man? You partied until you were 23, when you had your oldest. That's a pretty good run. Do you think you would have had more fun without him? If that's what you think, maybe you should talk to some of the women who spent their teens and 20s being jerked around, cheated on, dumped, infected with STDs, stuck with unwanted pregnancies, or even date raped by various losers. And while you're at it, talk to some of the women in their 40s who wanted to have children but waited until it was too late.

It sounds like you haven't missed out on anything worthwhile, at least as far as relationships go. Maybe you missed out in some other area. You haven't mentioned education. Did you continue your education after high school? If not, why not? Did you want to? Now that your youngest is 7, you might want to think about taking some classes (unless you want another kid in the near future). Maybe developing your abilities would make you feel better about yourself and your situation.

To certain posters (you know who you are): the expression is SOW your wild oats, not SEW them. Tailors SEW, farmers SOW.

 
Old 10-22-2008, 11:30 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
Mommuv-thank you for your support. I wish I could talk to my family about how I feel, but me and my husband both agreed not to say anything to anyone until we were sure what we were going to do.

Siobjaun- a do feel you are right-I have my mind made up. I want out (I think).
Like today for example: If rained, so my husband did not have any work. I hated having him around this morining. I dreaded it really. I find myself being rude to him, just because I cant stand him being around. Then sometimes I look at the hurt in his eyes and I just want to cry. I know I am a mess and need professional help. I just dont know how to address the divorce subject with him and be able to stick to my guns when he fall apart.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 11:39 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
jxinterdits- I understand being on the other side is probalby not any better but maybe I am just the type of person that needs to be by myself. I am happy I had my girls when I did and with the man I did, but I think I cannot stay with one person for the rest of my life. I need to have feedom.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 11:43 AM
 
542 posts, read 1,681,652 times
Reputation: 329
What is it about him specifically that makes you dread being around him? This is what I'm having trouble understanding. He doesn't sound repulsive, doesn't sound mean, doesn't sound like an addict...so what about him is so bad you can't stand having him around?
 
Old 10-22-2008, 11:45 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
I know I am kind of all over the place, but I am just trying to feel my way through this. I feel like I am 32 years old and not getting any younger. My husband is asleep by 8:30 every night. We have nothing in common right now. I just dont want to wake up in 15 years and feel like I wasted my whole life.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 11:47 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
I cant stand being around him because he is always wanting to hug me or kiss me or he is telling how beautiful I am or how much he loves me. I know it sound crazy to be complaning about that but it makes me sick to my stomach.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 11:59 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
please guys dont stop with your advise now.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Pleasant Shade Tn
2,214 posts, read 5,566,920 times
Reputation: 561
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
I cant stand being around him because he is always wanting to hug me or kiss me or he is telling how beautiful I am or how much he loves me. I know it sound crazy to be complaning about that but it makes me sick to my stomach.
That's tragic. If you leave that man, I hope he finds someone who appreciates him.

I know someone who felt this way. She is now married to a man who she loves madly and who has cheated on her twice. He is cruel and mean to her and she clings to him like a puppy. I see you headed there, frankly.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 12:05 PM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
alicenavada- I know he deserves better then I can give him. Dont you think I know I should be thanking God for someone like him. I kick myself everyday because I dont feel that way. He tells me all the time "No one will ever love you the way I do" I know he is right. He has always done right by me. Maybe that is way I cant stand to be around him becasue of guilt I really don't know why I feel this way.
 
Old 10-22-2008, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Sacramento, CA
788 posts, read 4,062,117 times
Reputation: 728
This isn't a marriage issue, it's a you issue. Get counseling immediately to figure out what is going on with you and who you are--all of which you can do and remain married.

Honestly, I don't think your husband is repulsing you; I think it is something else and you're mistakenly viewing your husband as the source.

Also, what do you mean when you say that you want freedom? Sometimes you say that you just want time to yourself, and you want your life to mean something, and other times you mention hooking up with other men. Which is it? You can discover who you are while being married; you can have time to yourself and be married; your life can have great significance and be married; You can be free AND married. I feel very free and I am married, but freedom for me has nothing to do with who I sleep with. It has to do with pursuing my dreams as well as being able to explore/discover/revise what my dreams are. My spouse absolutely supports that, and I support him in doing that. It sounds like your husband would support you in that kind of freedom as well.
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