Help me!!! (divorced, straight, problems, screaming)

[MS. Confused]

anotherhotday-yep i do have the hearts for the work guy. i think about him often. but like i said before-i already had major issues in my marriage before this. I have thought about leaving for a while but I have never been this close to doing it before. I was ok with trying until the day of our anniversary when we spent the day together and had nothing to say to each other. That was when I said to myself "Why are you still here"

[another_hot-day]

I think your mind is made up.

[MS. Confused]

I will have to leave this thread at 5:00 to go home to my "family" but please keep posting and I will be back tomorrow at 9 am. thanks

[Siobjuan]

keep in mind, the work guy may be all for a quick screw or an affair with a married woman, but may run for the hills if he thinks you're after the big 'L' from him.

[optiflex]

Your getting the guys who work hard and don't listen to their wives groans thinking your a b*tch.
Your getting the wives who accept their lot in life thinking your stupid wanting some spice.

But your real conern is your future, not their stay the course crap.

That's where I come in. I lived your husbands future.

She went from a new car every two years to the same car she had 8 years ago. Her wonderful bad boy lover never left his wife, after being with her for 5 years. Our cute ten year old daughter is a 16 year old recovering herion addict who lives with me now and hates her mother. She was loyal to mom the first 3 years. I pray for her nightly. She reached out to me once, to talk about reconciling but I laughed in her face. I will possibly be haunted by that. She has the house but he's not kicking in anymore and she's struggling, I give her back her child support. They make me take it. She looks 15 years older in 6 years. We never talk and a secret friend of mine, who she thinks still is in her camp reports she asks about me all the time. My friends say it's weird she loves you and hates you at the same time. And I do love her, and two kids who did nothing but lie , mostly to themselves, and never could communicate their true feeling because they didn't know them, cannot stand to be in the same room together. I'd spare you that if I could. But sense you need to abuse yourself, like i did, like she did. Now get some help!

[MS. Confused]

I think it is too. But how do I know for sure? That is my question. I want you all to know how much I appreciate every response I get, good or bad.

[ssull]

Originally Posted by MS. Confused

I cant stand being around him because he is always wanting to hug me or kiss me or he is telling how beautiful I am or how much he loves me. I know it sound crazy to be complaning about that but it makes me sick to my stomach.

I've read it all up to this point.

I have felt the way you feel.

You REALLY, REALLY REALLY need to see a professional NOW. I sense depression, obsession, confusion, co-dependency and probably more issues with you. Girl, my heart goes out to you, but you really need help.

Please consider what leaving will do to your kids. They don't deserve that. If nothing else, maybe you can set your emotions aside and consider that.

Your husband sounds like a nice guy but a bit obsessive himself. I'd have a bit of a hard time with a guy like that, too. You need space. You need to re-discover yourself. You both need to get out of this restrictive space you have created for yourselves and begin to grow up, get emotionally mature and healthy and most of all, learn what marriage is all about, for real.

I know that lives can be reinvented. You can learn to love someone. You need to find out what your issues are, and he needs to find out what his issues are and you both need to be adult enough to face therapy head-on for the greater good of your children.

If, after giving therapy or counseling a really serious try, you can't stick with it, then ok.

I agree with the posters who point out that life on the other side of the fence might be worse, not better. No matter where you go, there YOU are. You will take your issues with you into one relationship after another, and you will never be happy and will never love until you deal with YOU.

I'm going to go read the rest of the thread now. Wishing you the very best.

[MS. Confused]

optiflex-real eye opener in that last post. My biggest fear is my kids mental health. I know my husband is a grown up and should be able to deal. Althought his brother could not and ended up killing himself. My husband says if I leave it will be like losing his best friend again like when his brother died. But like i said, its all about my kids. Was your divorce a messy one? Was there any other issues as far as your daughter goes that could have contributed to her addiction.

Oh, as far as office guy - I don't want any relationship with him, it is just a physical thing

[ssull]

Originally Posted by MS. Confused

alicenavada- I know he deserves better then I can give him. Dont you think I know I should be thanking God for someone like him. I kick myself everyday because I dont feel that way. He tells me all the time "No one will ever love you the way I do" I know he is right. He has always done right by me. Maybe that is way I cant stand to be around him becasue of guilt I really don't know why I feel this way.

IMO, you are being emotionally manipulated. I don't think he is all that healthy either. You are letting us see a side of him in bits and pieces that don't paint a good picture, frankly.

[MS. Confused]

Any advise on how to find a good counselor?