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Old 10-25-2008, 08:44 AM
 
542 posts, read 1,681,652 times
Reputation: 329

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1 - Make sure you encourage and foster their relationship with their father and he should do the same with your relationship with your girls. This is very important for them, that they know its okay to love both parents and not feel they need to take sides.

2 - Keep all the adult stuff away from them. They do not need to hear you discussing the divorce with your husband, etc. They should not have to worry about all the issues you two will need to work out now and ongoing. Let them hear you being courteous and respectful to each other though.

3 - Try to limit the amount of change that will affect them. They will need as much consistency as possible...same school, same friends, etc. Some change is inevitible, but whatever you can keep the same it will help them adjust.

4 - Listen to them, let them vent when they need to. They will have a lot of questions. They need to know its not their fault. Don't underestimate the reassurance they will need that everything will be okay and that mom and dad still love them just as much as before.

 
Old 10-25-2008, 08:51 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
REally good advise. I plan to encourage their relatioship with there father. I just am not so sure he will do the same. He tends to say things he should not say in front of them. It kills me because that is something I cannont protect them from. We plan on staying under the same roof until after Christmas, so I do not know what kind of emotions he will go through during this time, and that really makes me uneasy
 
Old 10-25-2008, 08:57 AM
 
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,084 posts, read 12,651,385 times
Reputation: 1974
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
REally good advise. I plan to encourage their relatioship with there father. I just am not so sure he will do the same. He tends to say things he should not say in front of them. It kills me because that is something I cannont protect them from. We plan on staying under the same roof until after Christmas, so I do not know what kind of emotions he will go through during this time, and that really makes me uneasy
What roof will you be staying under after Christmas?
 
Old 10-25-2008, 08:59 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
we are both going to start to look for apartments now, with intentions of moving in after the holidays
 
Old 10-25-2008, 09:08 AM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 5,075,166 times
Reputation: 2048
Hmmm At least you're not stringing him along.

The really sad thing is you allowed your feelings to slip away. It's so obvious to people outside this to see. And your'e convinced he cannot get back some of that fire now that he turned into mr provider. Have you had the "what if I told you it would be ok if you wanted to see other women" conversation with him yet?
 
Old 10-25-2008, 09:10 AM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 5,075,166 times
Reputation: 2048
You've already said "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" haven't you?
 
Old 10-25-2008, 09:12 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,860 times
Reputation: 47
yep, I said those exact words. It is true I will always love him. The way I love all of my family. But I am NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM
 
Old 10-25-2008, 09:20 AM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,722 posts, read 4,295,285 times
Reputation: 1292
Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
MS., you know, I thought about this during my pedicure - and actually, I am pretty annoyed right about now...I thought about my own circumstances when I was married and why I needed out - VS - yours.

Leave your situation that's "OH-SO BAD." Poor little woman. I really think you are in the absolute wrong for the reasons you want to leave. You are very selfish. You have a man at home who was willing to have fat sex with you and you want to leave for hormonal reasons because your waistline shrunk. You remind me of a 16 year old girl. I think it's mighty cheap of you, personally. I left my husband because he was extremely controlling, verbally abusive, he fought a Cocaine addiction for 20 years, never quite staying sober for long - and I was sick of bailing his azz out when he got DUI's or drug related charges AND I did a prison sentence with him - NOT WITH HIM - as in, I STOOD BY HIM loyally...(which I have omitted from CD conversation until now because I was so fricken' ashamed), AND he couldn't even make it to our daughter's wake or funeral because he was too busy being stupid locked up (our daughter, our son's twin sister). I could have easily stayed for the stability of all his businesses and a big home, and the fluff - I had VALID reason to leave him - I was TRULY miserable and iin *constant* denial. You haven't even got a clue what true misery is. Nada. I hope you leave him and get so arrogant one day that your pounds come back and when you go crawling back to him crying and BEGGING him to take you back, he says NO and waltzes into the sunset with his size 5 girlfriend hand in hand. He deserves better than what you are doing to him.

Congrats, you squeezed THEE most beotchy post out of me in all of my CD history, MS.

I hope this thread goes to pages 2, 3, 4 soon.
Yes, but tell us how you REALLY feel (and don't hold back). Seriously, I said the same thing 20 something pages ago. This is either a wind up or a very unstable person. I notice people respond with their 2 cents and she pays no attention then goe's on to spew more drivel. As long as people keep responding she ain't gonna quit.
 
Old 10-25-2008, 09:23 AM
 
3,562 posts, read 5,211,063 times
Reputation: 1861
Well.........it will be a cold day in hell before I am ever that nice again.
 
Old 10-25-2008, 09:30 AM
 
Location: Pacific NW
391 posts, read 871,173 times
Reputation: 105
getting out is the easy way, You took vows? Did they mean anything? You promised to love, honor and cherish in good times and bad times,in sickness and in health, keeping only unto him as long as you both shall LIVE. Now you have kids in the mix and you have lost all that weight. So now go divorce him and forever screw up your children. You lost all that weight and men are noticing and it is flattering, You want to get you some of that YUM YUM. Well you will find out the yum yums are either taken or just faken. All the good ones they say are married up. Which I believe but alot of them will do ya anyway. Christian counseling would be best but any counseling will be good. You may have already blown it by breaking his heart. You should bring him honor he deserves nothing less. 2nd marriages have a low stay together % . The grass is not greener. There is absolutely no chance it won't mess up you kids. Then if he remarried she maight mess then up more.I feel bad for the kids they had no say about birth or divorce or who they will live with or were you planning on letting him take them so you can party? I would have stayed in my 1st marriage even tho he cheated until my son was grown. It would not have been fun but my son would have been less damaged. I am sorry but I am 1000% against it but I am nobody to you. you will have to do and live with your mistakes. good luck on that.
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