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Old 10-21-2008, 07:34 AM
 
Location: n.y
8 posts, read 6,059 times
Reputation: 10

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A couple bottles of wine and a weekend geteway WITH NO KIDS! might do the trick? and try getting fit together.I divorced my hubby after we exhausted all options,but at least I can say we tried!

 
Old 10-21-2008, 07:38 AM
 
Location: n.y
8 posts, read 6,059 times
Reputation: 10
[quote=gmarie2;5784045]A couple bottles of wine and a weekend geteway WITH NO KIDS! might do the trick? and try getting fit together.I divorced my hubby after we exhausted all options.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 07:42 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 13,142,316 times
Reputation: 1850
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
I want to thank everyone for the advise. eatfastnoodle I do understand about what your saying about not being such a hot commodity out in the dating world, but I feel that I missed out on all that stuff. I know I have a great man at home, but I can't help the way I feel. When he gets home from work I tense up. I don't want to be around him at all. As far as it just being me and him when the kids grown up -that scares me- I don't want to spend any time alone with him. I hate when the kids go to bed and its just us. I try to find something else to do so I don't have to conversate with him. I can't go and have girls night out because I know I will not be able to be faithful after I have a few drinks. The problem is I WISH I wanted to go to counseling and make this work but I don't. My problem is I worry about his emotional well being. He has stated that he would be A TOTAL EMOTIONAL MESS without me. He wants this to work more than anything else. He asks why I don't feel like he does, and the truth is I really don't know. Should I try, do I really even want to try? We talked about a week ago and I agreed to wait until after the holidays to make a descision. I really don't know if I can hang in there that long. Please, any insight in this good or bad really helps. Thanks
Well.....if you truly feel that strongly about not wanting to be with your husband and you don't think counseling or anything else will help then just do it.......Unfortunatly, you will find out that your other options are not hardly appealing.....I think you've built up being single way too much...your expecting something that won't happen. Other men, sure, they are out there but you'll need a weed wacker to weed through all of the ones not so right in the head . You have what most ppl would want and your willing to give it up for what? a few drunk nights out at the bar with some random dudes? I understand how you feel, trust me I do and take it from me....it's not what you think it will be like....not even close.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 07:47 AM
 
Location: Right were I should be!
1,081 posts, read 1,643,628 times
Reputation: 1126
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
My problem is I worry about his emotional well being. He has stated that he would be A TOTAL EMOTIONAL MESS without me. He wants this to work more than anything else. He asks why I don't feel like he does, and the truth is I really don't know. Should I try, do I really even want to try?
Okay, as far as this goes, you are not responsible for his emotional well being. He is. Yes he loves you and it will hurt if you leave, but has he considered how he is making you feel EVERY NIGHT? You need to figure out what it is that is so repulsive to you and see if there is a way around it. If it's a physical thing, do you think that you've put a lot of work into the new you and he's been left behind? Do you now need to push him to catch up?

You need to stop being envious of what you think others have.

You want to get out into the dating pool? Don't trust yourself after a few drinks? Bring a trustworthy friend who will not let you do something you'll regret, but maybe this will open your eyes. Guys at the bar want to make you feel special (read tipsy), take you home (parents basement), give you a lovely and lasting STD and never see you again. How sweet, how romantic.

Have you thought of taking a vacation with a friend?- FEMALE FRIEND? I know it's hard to miss someone if they (or you) never go away. There have been times that I have been sick to death of my dh, a weekend away to my best friend's house (2 states away) is always a good cure.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 07:48 AM
 
788 posts, read 2,107,779 times
Reputation: 598
I did not read through all of the replies - but what you wrote really said something to me and I wanted to just reply this:
"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part."
I'm not trying to imply that you are not going through something in your life and forgive me if I sound cold here - but get over yourself. Marriage is hard work and full of sacrifice and give and take. If you are having a mid life crisis get a little red sports car or a new hobby - don't leave your husband and destroy your family. Sounds like it's time to remember that you're a mom and a wife and you have to put others before yourself. Get a babysitter and try to save your marriage. Stop whining about what you missed out - that was your choice.
Again - sorry to be so harsh - not trying to kick you when you're down - but sometimes it takes tough love. If you were my daughter this is what I would say......
 
Old 10-21-2008, 08:30 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,836 times
Reputation: 47
I know that I should be greatful that I have a husband who loves me and his children, who is a hard worker and who helps around the house. I know that there are women out there who would give their left arm to have what I have. The thing is, I can't help how I feel. It is not that I don't find him physically attractive. He is good looking and he has a great body. I just feel we have nothing in common. We have no fun together. Let me discribe the last 10 years for you. He gets up at 3:30am all week to go to work(construction). He works SO HARD physically. When he gets home at 5:30pm he is tired, but he manages to help me with the kids. (I work too, but,just not as physical) by the time we get the kids to bed, he is already passing out on the couch. We do this day in and day out. No outlet for any type of fun. Weekends are the same old same old. Just home or doing errands. I know he works to support his family and I am greatful for that. He gives me his whole pay so I can pay all our bills. but our home life is anything but happy. We all are at each others throats all the time. Everyone is always tense and yelling. I can't stand it anymore. I hate being home. When he is not there I feel at peace. I can't really explain it. I just want to be happy. His parents have been married since they were teenagers and they go to work and are home. Thats it no going anywhere EVER. I am so afraid my life will be that way. Again I just want to be happy and I don't know if the life I live now will ever make me happy. As far as meeting othe guys who are jerks - to be honest I don't think I will ever want to settle down again if I do get a divorce.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 08:41 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 13,142,316 times
Reputation: 1850
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
I know that I should be greatful that I have a husband who loves me and his children, who is a hard worker and who helps around the house. I know that there are women out there who would give their left arm to have what I have. The thing is, I can't help how I feel. It is not that I don't find him physically attractive. He is good looking and he has a great body. I just feel we have nothing in common. We have no fun together. Let me discribe the last 10 years for you. He gets up at 3:30am all week to go to work(construction). He works SO HARD physically. When he gets home at 5:30pm he is tired, but he manages to help me with the kids. (I work too, but,just not as physical) by the time we get the kids to bed, he is already passing out on the couch. We do this day in and day out. No outlet for any type of fun. Weekends are the same old same old. Just home or doing errands. I know he works to support his family and I am greatful for that. He gives me his whole pay so I can pay all our bills. but our home life is anything but happy. We all are at each others throats all the time. Everyone is always tense and yelling. I can't stand it anymore. I hate being home. When he is not there I feel at peace. I can't really explain it. I just want to be happy. His parents have been married since they were teenagers and they go to work and are home. Thats it no going anywhere EVER. I am so afraid my life will be that way. Again I just want to be happy and I don't know if the life I live now will ever make me happy. As far as meeting othe guys who are jerks - to be honest I don't think I will ever want to settle down again if I do get a divorce.
I hear ya....but understand that being single or finding a new man won't fix that......A wise man once said if your fighting about everything your problem is deeper than just those surface issues........you can choose to have a positive view on the situation and make some proposals.....go to a gym, get some of that tension out and have some you time too.....Choose not to fight...choose not to be unhappy....it is a choice....make that choice for yourself and your kids and your family......they say bored ppl are boaring....well, unhappy people create unhappy situations......change your attitude and see if that helps.....you owe it to your kids and your marriage
 
Old 10-21-2008, 08:47 AM
 
Location: Right were I should be!
1,081 posts, read 1,643,628 times
Reputation: 1126
go to counseling.


this weekend.


get a sitter for the kids.


get on the phone and find one before lunch. tell hubby this is the ONLY way you'll stay right now.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 08:48 AM
 
Location: syracuse ny
2,412 posts, read 5,074,956 times
Reputation: 2048
Can you answer a few probing questions because I don't want to assume...

Could he like, umm use to lose 120 pounds?
Do you feel like you love him, just aren't in love with him?
Do you feel like you gave up something for him, and this resentment is burning you?
 
Old 10-21-2008, 08:57 AM
 
Location: Naples,Fla
531 posts, read 498,813 times
Reputation: 125
Has yer noodle bin bittin by a poodle????? What a hoot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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