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Old 10-21-2008, 11:22 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,803 times
Reputation: 47

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My girls are worth it. But where do I begin? and when do you decide that you have done all you could? Is it better to stay unhappiled married or not? When do you know it is done? I'm afraid I will go to therepy and try and then In a year from now I am still in this same place. I cannot handle the emotional rollercoster I am on for too much longer.

 
Old 10-21-2008, 11:22 AM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,206,865 times
Reputation: 7445
You need to figure out the reasons you feel you want to be free or you will continue to struggle with this.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 11:26 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,803 times
Reputation: 47
I am not a therapist, but my guess would be never having a life of my own. I feel I want my own life. No one to answer to. I went from being with my mom to being with my husband. I want to be with ME. I want to know what kind of person I AM. I don't know who I am. Its like I woke up one day in someone else life.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 11:29 AM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,206,865 times
Reputation: 7445
You are probably right but you have to look at the fact that you have a great husband and if you go in search of yourself by yourself, you may end up realizing how good you had it when it is gone.

Be pragmatic, think it through, weigh the pros and cons...best of luck to you.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 11:30 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 13,141,136 times
Reputation: 1850
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
My girls are worth it. But where do I begin? and when do you decide that you have done all you could? Is it better to stay unhappiled married or not? When do you know it is done? I'm afraid I will go to therepy and try and then In a year from now I am still in this same place. I cannot handle the emotional rollercoster I am on for too much longer.
First of all......you should completely end it with this work guy....change jobs...change offices....whatever it takes....end it completley. Second, focus on your marriage...yes, this means you actually have to talk to him ....spend some quality time with him and your girls. You think I don't know how you feel but I know exactly how you feel.....you've lost it for your hubby because you've gained it for this other guy....although, if you were thinking without all of the hormones involved....you would see that your making a huge mistake.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 11:34 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,803 times
Reputation: 47
I have been thinking about this for 3 months now. We have had several discussion about separating. They always end with him saying how much he loves me and he gets me to agree to stick it out and try. The last time we spoke about it, we decided to go to therepy. Put the house up for sale (in case we do separate) and stick it out throught the holidays. Everyday is so hard for me. When I am at work, I really think "maybe it can work" then as soon as I pull in my driveway I start to feel like "I cant go in there I want out"
 
Old 10-21-2008, 11:41 AM
 
305 posts, read 372,803 times
Reputation: 47
lola8822-The stuff with the work guy happened after all my martial problems started. And really nothing happened yet. I would like to go further in my relationship with him, but I will not act on my feelings until I sort through stuff with my husband
 
Old 10-21-2008, 11:44 AM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,206,865 times
Reputation: 7445
Why would you get involved with a man at work if you can not break off the relationship you are already in?????
 
Old 10-21-2008, 11:44 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 13,141,136 times
Reputation: 1850
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
I have been thinking about this for 3 months now. We have had several discussion about separating. They always end with him saying how much he loves me and he gets me to agree to stick it out and try. The last time we spoke about it, we decided to go to therepy. Put the house up for sale (in case we do separate) and stick it out throught the holidays. Everyday is so hard for me. When I am at work, I really think "maybe it can work" then as soon as I pull in my driveway I start to feel like "I cant go in there I want out"
Alright....well first of all....I'm sorry your feeling this way...I know that it's exciting and fresh and new but scary at the same time. I made excuses to and tried to justify it to myself and to others but deep down I knew it wasn't right........luckily I have the most amazing husband in the world who stuck with me and made me realize that there's nothing more I could want out there....he was right but at the time I didn't think so.....I trusted my family's advice and now that it's been a while and I have a clear view I can see how stupid I was and how I almost made a huge mistake......

best of luck, make the right decision.
 
Old 10-21-2008, 11:46 AM
 
6,565 posts, read 14,262,302 times
Reputation: 3229
Quote:
Originally Posted by optiflex View Post
You are on the path EXACTLY like my Ex. She thought lots of guys were great because they TALKED AND LISTENED TO HER. And as soon as they nod it's all over, the guy becomes quantum leaps ahead of your husband. Except you're forgetting something, a guy want's into your pants, he's going to agree with you when you fix him a nice dog crap salad with motor oil dressing!

Take special note of this post...... A man doesn't look at a married woman and think, "Gee, I'd like to have a long term emotional relationship with this woman......" .

Noooooooooooo, when a man targets a married woman there's only one logical goal that I can see.... That road is going to end at a brick wall. I'd strongly advise against it.... (Of course you stated that you aren't interested in anything long-term from him either, so maybe that is what you're seeking as well.... )
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