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Old 10-20-2008, 02:44 PM
 
305 posts, read 372,836 times
Reputation: 47

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Hi Everyone,

Let me give you my background so hopefully you all can help me make the biggest desicion of my life. I met my husband when I was just 14 (he was 15). He was my one and only. We moved in together when I was 18 becasue my mom kicked me out of the house. When I was 22 we got married. AT 23 I had my first little girl. At 25 I had my second child. Fast forward 10 years ------ Here I am 32 married and miserable. The problem is MY HUSBAND IS GREAT. I should be happy. We have always had our kids with us, never any babysitters. us and the girls 24/7. Now I feel like I don't know him, but worst, I feel like I don't even want to try to know him. I feel like this is my last chance at my own life. I want to go out with my friends when I want to. I want to date other people. Live my OWN LIFE. We have discussed this several time over the last few months. Every time we do, I end up feeling so bad for him He says how much he loves me (which he always did tell me that over the years) He asks what he can do to make me happy and want to stay with him. He has a sucky family. My family is basically his family, so I feel like I would be ripping him away from not only me but everyone else.

Also, I have recently lost 120 lbs. and I look and feel better then I ever have. He thinks this is why I want out. Maybe it is. I really don't know. What I know it that for years before I lost the weight, I didn't like sleeping with him, but now its even worst. I have to force myself to let him touch me. I really don't know what to do. I feel guilty that I am going to ruin my childrens lives. He is a great husban and a great dad. What should I do????

 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:08 PM
 
Location: Midwest
1,167 posts, read 1,517,383 times
Reputation: 1507
My advice would be to think about how good you already have it. You have a husband who loves you and who works hard and provides for you, you have two children who I am sure are wonderful. Your youngest is 7 correct? You really don't have that much longer before it is just you and your DH again.

Just remember that the grass is always greener and divorce is not easy at all on anyone. YES you will be ruining your daughters lives and for no reason. Maybe, if your DH's physical appearance is the problem for you, you can get your entire family involved in something active that will keep all of you physically fit.

See if your DH will watch the girls for you one night a week while you have "girls night out" (good clean fun mind you, no hooking up) and return the favor for him, let him have a poker night or something.

I hope that helps!
 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:11 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,853,425 times
Reputation: 7058
I practically weigh 120 pounds.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:15 PM
 
Location: down south
513 posts, read 1,578,474 times
Reputation: 653
to put it bluntly, emotionally, you haven't grown out of adolescence. Marriage isn't a place you look for excitement. I guess you have a fundamentally incorrect understanding about what marriage is.

And more one thing you and many ladies might not want to hear, but fact of matter is: you are 32, and you have two kids, you might find that you are not as hotly contested as you used to be on the date market.

Think SERIOUSLY before you decide to file for divorce. It's not just about ruining your kids' lives, you might ruin your own life as well.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:16 PM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 13,142,316 times
Reputation: 1850
Quote:
Originally Posted by MS. Confused View Post
Hi Everyone,

Let me give you my background so hopefully you all can help me make the biggest desicion of my life. I met my husband when I was just 14 (he was 15). He was my one and only. We moved in together when I was 18 becasue my mom kicked me out of the house. When I was 22 we got married. AT 23 I had my first little girl. At 25 I had my second child. Fast forward 10 years ------ Here I am 32 married and miserable. The problem is MY HUSBAND IS GREAT. I should be happy. We have always had our kids with us, never any babysitters. us and the girls 24/7. Now I feel like I don't know him, but worst, I feel like I don't even want to try to know him. I feel like this is my last chance at my own life. I want to go out with my friends when I want to. I want to date other people. Live my OWN LIFE. We have discussed this several time over the last few months. Every time we do, I end up feeling so bad for him He says how much he loves me (which he always did tell me that over the years) He asks what he can do to make me happy and want to stay with him. He has a sucky family. My family is basically his family, so I feel like I would be ripping him away from not only me but everyone else.

Also, I have recently lost 120 lbs. and I look and feel better then I ever have. He thinks this is why I want out. Maybe it is. I really don't know. What I know it that for years before I lost the weight, I didn't like sleeping with him, but now its even worst. I have to force myself to let him touch me. I really don't know what to do. I feel guilty that I am going to ruin my childrens lives. He is a great husban and a great dad. What should I do????
Sounds like a typical case of the "I didn't get to sew my wild oats" syndrom. Nothing wrong with it at all....I actually went through that a few years ago.....you need to talk to your husband and tell him the truth about everything you are feeling even if it isn't so pretty.....ask him to support you in getting out there and experiencing new things.....this helps......enroll in something...a gym, a theater anything that makes you happy. You need to incorporate balance into your life and make more time for just you. Trust me girl....grass isn't greener on the other side....been there tried that and it's really not worth it, i promise.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:16 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,853,425 times
Reputation: 7058
Must you be so blunt? Has your noodle been bitten by a poodle or something?

Quote:
Originally Posted by eatfastnoodle View Post
to put it bluntly, emotionally, you haven't grown out of adolescence. Marriage isn't a place you look for excitement. I guess you have a fundamentally incorrect understanding about what marriage is.

And more one thing you and many ladies might not want to hear, but fact of matter is: you are 32, and you have two kids, you might find that you are not as hotly contested as you used to be on the date market.

Think SERIOUSLY before you decide to file for divorce. It's not just about ruining your kids' lives, you might ruin your own life as well.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:21 PM
 
Location: down south
513 posts, read 1,578,474 times
Reputation: 653
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Must you be so blunt? Has your noodle been bitten by a poodle or something?

I'm shy in real life, that's probably why I adopted a blunt alter-ego on line
 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Not tied down... maybe later! *rawr*
2,689 posts, read 6,919,481 times
Reputation: 4341
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Martha View Post
My advice would be to think about how good you already have it. You have a husband who loves you and who works hard and provides for you, you have two children who I am sure are wonderful. Your youngest is 7 correct? You really don't have that much longer before it is just you and your DH again.

Just remember that the grass is always greener and divorce is not easy at all on anyone. YES you will be ruining your daughters lives and for no reason. Maybe, if your DH's physical appearance is the problem for you, you can get your entire family involved in something active that will keep all of you physically fit.

See if your DH will watch the girls for you one night a week while you have "girls night out" (good clean fun mind you, no hooking up) and return the favor for him, let him have a poker night or something.

I hope that helps!



 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Eastern Kentucky
1,236 posts, read 3,108,503 times
Reputation: 1307
I think you need to think long and hard about why you are so unhappy. Counseling might be an option you want to look into. Also, even with a divorce, you will probably have to get a job and the children at least part time, so it's not all fun and games. Also, no matter where you go or what you do, you have to take yourself with you. In other words, you may have issues which you must work through before you can be happy. Good luck. Hope everything works out for you.
 
Old 10-20-2008, 03:25 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,853,425 times
Reputation: 7058
sounds hot

Quote:
Originally Posted by eatfastnoodle View Post
I'm shy in real life, that's probably why I adopted a blunt alter-ego on line
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