Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-20-2008, 08:47 PM
 
2 posts, read 2,579 times
Reputation: 12

Advertisements

I am in love with a married man for almost 2 years now. We used to work at the same workplace and because I knew I was starting to have feelings for him and knew that he was married, I moved quickly to another company to avoid being in that situation. I tried to be his friend only in the beginning and told him repeatedly that it would be best for him to work out his marriage and resolve any issues they had. His reasoning was that he was in a "loveless marriage held together by two kids." I tried and tried to tell him that it would be best for the both of us if he only pursue a relationship with me after he is really single. However through time, I really started to develop feelings for him and really wanted to help him and we started seeing each other on a regular basis.

Through the entire relationship, there were many issues with trust and jealousy. He couldn't trust me and I couldn't trust him. For a period of 3 months during this 2 year span, his wife had decided to leave with the kids. During this time, he expected me to move in practically but I was not ready for it. I have always be very conservative and extremely reserved with my feelings. I wanted to wait and see how things progress before I jump in with both feet. After the three month period without discussing it with me, he announced that his wife was coming back with the kids, one week before Christmas. I was completely devastated.

He explained to me that he wanted them back because of the kids and that I wasn't giving him what he needed because he wasn't just looking for a girlfriend but a wife. I kept trying for the next 10 months to give him what he needed on the sidelines. I was not allowed to call and he can only call him. I waited for him to call all the time. By this time, I have completely isolated myself from my friends and family and felt more and more insecure everyday. At the same time, I am going through a lot of changes in my life as well. I felt that he didn't love me anymore because he took his wife back but I kept trying and trying. Nothing I did seemed good enough and we were constantly arguing.

Finally, months and months of agony of feelings of insecurity, isolation, and loneliness, I broke down emotionally and mentally and did something I really regret - vandalizing his car. He decided that he never wants to be with me again.

I don't know how to feel better and I feel like I have lost myself. I am so ashamed of everything and I don't know where to begin to find myself again. Please help me. I feel so alone with my thoughts and sadness. I really believe and still do that he is my soulmate and that I have really messed up things. He says that he needs time to heal before he can talk to me again.

I still have hope and don't know how to move on. I haven't been able to sleep or eat or work. I can't bear to face myself. Please shed some light on my situation.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-20-2008, 08:51 PM
 
24,834 posts, read 37,196,048 times
Reputation: 11538
You have to forgive yourself. The car was just a "thing". Take care. ((((((((HUGS)))))))
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 08:59 PM
 
542 posts, read 1,680,027 times
Reputation: 329
Don't live in the past, you can't change it. All you can do is be in the present and work on yourself. Keep busy, exercise, therapy may be a good idea and could help. Chalk this up to a learning process...don't get involved with an unavailable man. It really is just heartache for everyone involved.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:04 PM
 
Location: mass
2,905 posts, read 7,326,080 times
Reputation: 5011
OMG, forget about him.

And his car, oh well. (but really, don't do that again)

He is not worth it. You should really not get involved with married men in the first place, but you deserve someone who is available to be with you, not someone who is only available when he wants to be.

I think cheating men are very lowly creatures indeed and wonder what woman would want one willing to do that, and why.

Let him go. If he was your soulmate, you'd be together right now, not posting on some intenet forum about your broken heart.

Find someone else. Someone who is not married. And don't beat yourself up over it, just move on. What is done is done. It is better this way. You would never want to stand in front of his kids and say, "I was part of the reason your dad left your mom" would you? This way you get to start all over with someone new.

Good luck.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:07 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles
754 posts, read 1,445,212 times
Reputation: 710
Quote:
Originally Posted by vukinjo View Post
Don't live in the past, you can't change it. All you can do is be in the present and work on yourself. Keep busy, exercise, therapy may be a good idea and could help. Chalk this up to a learning process...don't get involved with an unavailable man. It really is just heartache for everyone involved.
I couldn't have said this any better.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:15 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,796,393 times
Reputation: 7057
aww you poor tiny little thing let the friends of the forum comfort you in their cyber arms. Let them sing Kumbaya to you in their soothing cyber-tronic voices.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:15 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,187,608 times
Reputation: 7444
Why would you vandalize HIS car when you are sleeping with a married man??? You should be glad his WIFE didn't do worse to you...I'd be a bit more humble if I were you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:20 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,796,393 times
Reputation: 7057
Maybe she has bipolar or autism...let's be concerned and caring for those that are out of control.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Why would you vandalize HIS car when you are sleeping with a married man??? You should be glad his WIFE didn't do worse to you...I'd be a bit more humble if I were you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:23 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,187,608 times
Reputation: 7444
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Maybe she has bipolar or autism...let's be concerned and caring for those that are out of control.
I guess...I just cannot believe this person is upset he will not talk to her because she vandalized his car because he decided to stay with his wife and kids Good grief

She should be glad no charges were pressed or a crazy wife did not come after her with the wrath of God
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-20-2008, 09:25 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,796,393 times
Reputation: 7057
lol...the guy was a selfish user though.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
I guess...I just cannot believe this person is upset he will not talk to her because she vandalized his car because he decided to stay with his wife and kids Good grief

She should be glad no charges were pressed or a crazy wife did not come after her with the wrath of God
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top