Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I cut ties with my parent's and my brother almost a year ago. I do not regret it a single bit. I am happier, think more clearly, and feel more vibrant since exorcising such toxicity from our lives. I am still in regular contact with extended family (Aunts, Uncles, Cousins). I believe anyone has grounds and right to walk away from anyone/anything that makes them miserable. We came into this world alone, and we are going out alone.
retreating but not abandoning is good.
some contact better than none.
he who spits on his own family spits in the wind.
Eh. That would apply to me if they did not enforce to me for years upon years how they regretted my adoption after soon after bringing me home and wished they could have returned me. At least that explains the years of verbal/physical abuse I endured, into adulthood. Being punished with a bat was kind of a treat as a kid, as you can imagine. Choked in anger as an adult was the whipped cream. Most kids got the belt. I have closure now. Most likely easier for me due to the circumstances and not ever having been treated like their child...or a human being at all. Our split was mutual and way overdue, especially when they attempted the same abuse on my child, thrice. In addition, more extremely rotten things they had done to alienate myself and their own siblings. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I agree with much of what you say and express, but I just cannot agree with your statement above, Huck. The only spitting I will be doing is on their grave, celebratory style, knowing the extremists cannot hurt more people.
Yes its ok. I have basically stopped talking to my sister for over a year now. Do I miss her? Yes and No. I miss who she once was but I do not miss who she has become.
I will tell you the same thing I told another CD'er that sought out my advice based on a response I left to another post which ironically fits your post.
When a person makes a conscience decision to do something to you that they know will bring about bad consequences (i.e., cutting them out of your life) that is their way of saying, "I don't care about you or what you do and that's why I'm doing this". They are basically giving you good reason to cut them off.
Just because my siblings were born from the same womb, doesn't mean we have the same values, ethics or views.
There is a brother that I have cut all contact with many years ago. My remaining brothers followed suit. The guy (and his kids) are all so toxic in every conceivable way that the only way to deal with them is not at all.
I just won't be sucked into the muck and mire of their lives. My parents still have contact with them though and you can see the strain that they feel after talking with them.
If you have no choice but to cut ties with someone because they are having a negative impact on your life, do it and don't regret it. You will save yourself a lot of grief.
I could never cut ties with my immediate family although some of us have our differences from time to time every one has each others backs when the chips are down. I've had some great friends and still know great people but nobody has been as consistent in my life as my family have.
My husband cut ties with his whole family 4 years ago. He did it back in 1993 too, and got back with them in 1997. That lasted until 2004. Nobody had drug problems or anything like that, they just never seemed to see what a good person he is. I wouldn't be married to him if he wasn't.
His mom still held grudges from when he was 17, he's 35 now and not anything like a 17 year old. He never did drugs, drank once in awhile, but hasn't drank in years. Nothing to think he had a drinking problem that's for sure. Just experimenting like I did when I was 17 as well. Just foolishness really, It got old real quick and enough was enough. He has the love and support of my family who are very proud of all he's accomplished especially with the company he's been with for 15 years. He's a wonderful man and I'm very lucky to have him..
Eh. That would apply to me if they did not enforce to me for years upon years how they regretted my adoption after soon after bringing me home and wished they could have returned me. At least that explains the years of verbal/physical abuse I endured, into adulthood. Being punished with a bat was kind of a treat as a kid, as you can imagine. Choked in anger as an adult was the whipped cream. Most kids got the belt. I have closure now. Most likely easier for me due to the circumstances and not ever having been treated like their child...or a human being at all. Our split was mutual and way overdue, especially when they attempted the same abuse on my child, thrice. In addition, more extremely rotten things they had done to alienate myself and their own siblings. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I agree with much of what you say and express, but I just cannot agree with your statement above, Huck. The only spitting I will be doing is on their grave, celebratory style, knowing the extremists cannot hurt more people.
No disrespect to Huck because I know plenty of people who believe in this idealistic view of family. They have no idea how it is to grow up knowing you're the outsider. So they give their advice based on their upbringing. Do not feel as if you have to defend your position. As a matter of fact, my upbringing was similar to yours except it wasn't physical abuse it was all emotional abuse by my extended family. My birth mom passed away when I was 5 months old. When my Grandmother stepped in to raise my sister and myself, the rest of the family was very upset (they wanted her to put us in foster care) and pretty much treated my sister and I like we were lepers. Now that I'm older (35) I can't even imagine treating a child like that. However, my Mom (Grandmother) was the light of my life.
I only tell you that because in my experience if someone hasn't gone through a similiar life experience they can't understand why we made our decisions. They look at us like we're the "bad guys". It used to really upset me, not anymore. As I said, I'm comfortable with my decisions and I don't feel any guilt at all. I think that was the reason behind this entire thread, the people who grew up with loving families are always quick to pass judgement on those of us who severed ties with ours.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
He's a wonderful man and I'm very lucky to have him..
