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Old 10-21-2008, 12:52 PM
 
8,518 posts, read 15,593,972 times
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I read an article the other day that asked famous people for advice on life. Judy Dench gave the best piece of advice.

"The key to a good relationship is absolutely, undoubtedly: don't take the person for granted. Don't ever think that they're going to come back to you just because you happen to be married. Always make the effort; and hopefully don't make the effort recognisably."

I think we all know this, but so many people take their partners for granted. We get so caught up with our own things (work, school, hobbies, friends, etc.) and think to ourselves "I'll always have tomorrow", but by then tomorrow arrives and you realize you're too late. It seems like we as a culture do this a lot. Do you ever feel like you're being taken for granted and if so, how long do you put up with it? How many second chances do you give? How understanding are you and at what point do you say enough is enough?
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Old 10-21-2008, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
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I think that if you start feeling like your being taken advantage of, then immediately have a talk with your partner about it.
Don`t hold it in, or let it fester. The longer you let it go, the worse the situation will get.
Also, don`t just assume that your partner should know what to do. Sometimes, we all need to be slapped up side the head.
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Old 10-21-2008, 11:26 PM
 
Location: MN
314 posts, read 717,542 times
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I am going to second the talking things out response. Too often we expect our partner to "know" what we need. Not a good way to proceed. We all need direction since we all come together with different life experiences. IF after explaining what you need a partner decides to ignore your request...mmmm time to rethink the relationship in my book.
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Old 11-05-2008, 11:05 AM
 
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In the past, I made the mistake of waiting too long before saying something. Patience is supposed to be a good quality and I was raised to give people time. But sometimes, that's not the best approach. Like you said, if you don't say something, how does the other person really know how you feel? But what happens when being candid about your feelings makes things worse? This happened to me once. I confronted the person to let her know how I felt. I was blunt, but I tried not to come off as angry or upset. She neither confirmed nor denied it. She just stopped talking to me.
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Old 11-05-2008, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Tucson
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Yeah, that's probably the main reason so many long-term relationships go down the tubes after the piece of paper has been signed. People stop making an effort or don't make enough of it. Everything starts being expected and unappreciated.
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Old 11-05-2008, 11:46 AM
 
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 13,131,867 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
I read an article the other day that asked famous people for advice on life. Judy Dench gave the best piece of advice.

"The key to a good relationship is absolutely, undoubtedly: don't take the person for granted. Don't ever think that they're going to come back to you just because you happen to be married. Always make the effort; and hopefully don't make the effort recognisably."

I think we all know this, but so many people take their partners for granted. We get so caught up with our own things (work, school, hobbies, friends, etc.) and think to ourselves "I'll always have tomorrow", but by then tomorrow arrives and you realize you're too late. It seems like we as a culture do this a lot. Do you ever feel like you're being taken for granted and if so, how long do you put up with it? How many second chances do you give? How understanding are you and at what point do you say enough is enough?
Life is too short....and it can be taken away so quickly. This past weekend my sister-in-law, who is also my best friend, lost her dad to a tragic car accident. I've spent the last few days with her and it really makes you realize how easily life can be taken away from you or those you love. The little things aren't worth stressing over.....love those who love you because they love you and always always tell the ppl in your life you love them.....you might not get another chance.
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Old 11-05-2008, 11:47 AM
 
Location: Iowa
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This is pretty much why I've been dumped so many times.

When a relationship gets deep, I stop trying. Sad that it's taken me so long and that I've lost so many people before figuring this out, but at least I am armed for the next relationship now.

In the end, even with my flaws, they would have worked out if they were supposed to.
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Old 11-05-2008, 12:10 PM
 
8,518 posts, read 15,593,972 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djfish34ren View Post
When a relationship gets deep, I stop trying. Sad that it's taken me so long and that I've lost so many people before figuring this out, but at least I am armed for the next relationship now.

In the end, even with my flaws, they would have worked out if they were supposed to.
It's good that you learned from your mistakes though. A lot of people just repeat the same mistakes. The person I mentioned above told me that her first marriage ended in part because she was preoccupied with her own stuff and her husband felt neglected. But she ended up repeating the same pattern of behavior with me.

But I disagree with the last part you wrote. People always say things will work out if they're meant to. To me, that's part of why so many people take their partners for granted. They tell themselves that if it was meant to be, the other person will accept them for their flaws and mistakes. But that sounds like you're absolving yourself of responsibility. If I'm in a relationship and it doesn't work out because of something I did or didn't do, I don't tell myself that it just wasn't meant to be. No offense, but that's a cop out. Relationships don't come down to whether or not they were meant to be, as if there were some higher power in control. They come down to the people in the relationship BOTH doing the work necessary to keep it going. Maybe at your job, you can get away with not working hard everyday. But with relationships, and especially marriages, hard work is unavoidable.
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Old 11-05-2008, 12:15 PM
 
Location: Custer, SD
1,582 posts, read 3,097,091 times
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^I couldn't agree more! Relationships that work are because BOTH parties actively, daily WORK on them! Some days are easier than others, but every day is still work. If you don't take care of something vital and living, it dies. And a relationship is a vital, living thing...unless you stop caring for and nurturing it.
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Old 11-05-2008, 12:19 PM
 
Location: Iowa
918 posts, read 1,625,016 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane View Post
It's good that you learned from your mistakes though. A lot of people just repeat the same mistakes. The person I mentioned above told me that her first marriage ended in part because she was preoccupied with her own stuff and her husband felt neglected. But she ended up repeating the same pattern of behavior with me.

But I disagree with the last part you wrote. People always say things will work out if they're meant to. To me, that's part of why so many people take their partners for granted. They tell themselves that if it was meant to be, the other person will accept them for their flaws and mistakes. But that sounds like you're absolving yourself of responsibility. If I'm in a relationship and it doesn't work out because of something I did or didn't do, I don't tell myself that it just wasn't meant to be. No offense, but that's a cop out. Relationships don't come down to whether or not they were meant to be, as if there were some higher power in control. They come down to the people in the relationship BOTH doing the work necessary to keep it going. Maybe at your job, you can get away with not working hard everyday. But with relationships, and especially marriages, hard work is unavoidable.
It's not a cop out. I have already said I made mistakes and learned from them.

However... you mention that people think that if it's meant to be, people will accept their flaws, and this line of thinking is wrong... actually it's not. We all have what is considered flaws by others, but are actually personality traits that help shape who we are. I do not feel that I have to completely overhaul who I've always been to make someone else feel better about where we are headed.

People don't fall out of deep love because the other person isn't "trying hard enough", which can be taken many different ways. I state this because if a person really does love you, and feels neglected, they will talk it out with you and allow you the chance to make it better.

Everyone makes mistakes in relationships. If you don't allow the person to change, or make it difficult for them to change, then it can never work out. There is not a single one of us that is perfect, and it is important to remember that.

If it was supposed to be, this change would have been given a chance, and a person wouldn't bail or run to another.

Last edited by djfish34ren; 11-05-2008 at 12:32 PM..
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