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I still have that problem at 39. But I find I "talk" a lot of topics on web forums, so maybe I can talk to her about the same stuff I talk in web forums? Anything!?
Good luck with that. You are gonna fail miserably if you follow through with your "talk a lot of topics" approach. Shy but knowledgeable guys often don't realize that purpose of a conversation, at least the kind of conservation we are talking about, is not to show off your broad range of knowledge or display your eloquence, the purpose is to engage the person you are talking to. You need to stir up a REAL conversation instead of just babbling about stuff non-stop, especially if the topic is something women have no interests in (even if they have interests, your "presentation" style conversation will more likely win a new friend than sending your hands into her pants, which I guess is the ultimate objective of you) a lot of women view too much talking as major turn-off. You need to talk about something both sides are interested, and you need to give her chance to talk, and most importantly, you need to be a good listener. And keep in mind, conversation by itself is nothing unless you have meaningful follow-ups, invitation to dinner, to movie, some activities you both like, or get her drunk so you can get laid, the point is conversation is just a way to start things, "meaningful deep conversation" can happen only after you have sealed the deal, otherwise at best you are gonna be struck in the "best friend she confide to" role for ever.
Start with people you're not attracted to or embarrassed around. People that you might be more at ease with. People you meet as part of your day to day life. Challenge yourself to having a conversation with the guy that delivers the papers or one of your teachers at school, the older lady at the bus stop, a shop assistant. You get the idea. The aim of the game is for you to offer something to the conversation, (the weather is always a good one ) listen for your reply and then try to expand the conversation from there. It's about gaining confidence and learning to be at ease talking to anyone.
No because if you're too at ease talking to anyone,one might tend not to go out of their comfort zone and end up talking to nobody but your teachers or old ladies(I speak from experience,although some of those people can bee very wise)
Actually I just found out recently to do the opposite...maybe not in high school b/c kids can be cruel,but go up to a hot girl and if she seems approachable talk to her for a bit,just to get practice. After that you feel like you can talk to anyone
Politeness is important, but you also need to be direct. Introduce yourself, "Hi my name is...". That is the best line in the world. But also arrange to do things with women you are interested in. "I was thinking about getting some ice cream this afternoon, are you up for joining me?" If she says no, she can't do it now, then ask for a phone number to schedule another time. Even if she says yes, get a phone number so you call her the next time you want to do something. Even she won't give you her phone number someone else will.
Even women who aren't interested in you will be flattered that you asked them out. For most women the thing that makes attractive is that you show interest in them.
Make your intentions clear. Not all women you are interested will be interested in you. That is life. Don't personalise it. If you go to party make it rule that you can't leave until you have either asked 3 women for phone numbers or later when you are better at it, until you have gotten phone numbers from three different women. Early on dating is somewhat of a numbers game with a learning curve. The more often you ask someone out, the better you get at doing it. Overthinking things is the enemy of action.
When you are young what matters most is that you address your fear of asking women out. Its perfectly ok to ask out someone you aren't that interested to build up your confidence. As long as you are polite and respectful, who cares if you end up buying yogurt for a girl that you aren't that interested in. Both of you will benefit from the experience of going out with each other.
Share some activities in your school to have fields to talk about .Put yourself into a group to have frienships and all the rest will come by itself and very easly. In groups your colleagues will start talking to you and help you with girls.
I'd hang around more outgoing people, your friends will force you out of your shell or atleast give you confidence or help with talking to girls....thats how I was able to cope with my shyness in high school. well that and alcohol but since you dont drink, outgoing friends should do the trick
No because if you're too at ease talking to anyone,one might tend not to go out of their comfort zone and end up talking to nobody but your teachers or old ladies(I speak from experience,although some of those people can bee very wise)
Actually I just found out recently to do the opposite...maybe not in high school b/c kids can be cruel,but go up to a hot girl and if she seems approachable talk to her for a bit,just to get practice. After that you feel like you can talk to anyone
Well it worked for me.
I said start with, not pull up a chair and spend the rest of your teenage years on the porch yabbering to Granny Mae down the corner.
I found if I thought a guy was attractive there was no way I could speak to him. I'd be tongue tied and nervous and blushing, I think there might even have been stuttering a few times! It was truly hideous and made a chore out of getting to know someone not to mention made me want a giant hole to open up in the ground and swallow me! Once I'd got a handle on talking to day to day people around me and felt more comfortable in myself, I then started challenging myself to talk to guys I thought were cute. Simple stuff like making eye contact and smiling was the first challenge. Second challenge was saying hello. This was back in the dark ages when I was a teenager. I was dealing with cocky, bulletproof teenage blokes who could burn you to ash with a look if they wanted. So it made sense to take my time. No point living as a social pariah because I stumbled my way through hello one day with Little Johnny Hotpants. In High School that kinda stuff can make or break you.
Now of course I couldn't care less, I just talk to anyone but you gotta start somewhere and I figure if the OP is dealing with teenage girls we don't want him crashed and burned on his first effort talking to Little Miss Popularity.
Do you think note passing would be a good way to communicate with girls?Or would that be considered a complete turn off.
it will work IF it's followed by more concrete steps. Remember, no matter what tactics you are using, the strategic goal of yours is to ask her out, you can strike a small-talk, flirt, talk about common interests or pass a note to pay for her drinks, but you absolutely need to ASK HER OUT within reasonable time frame, or all of the great conversation, all the shared interests, all the attraction will mean absolutely nothing. It's a game, however strong you are, you need to score point to win, otherwise it's nothing.
Well at your age, the best thing to do is join a circus carnival and let them train you. The clowns and midgets will teach you everything you need to know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTownNative
Im a 16 guy and I like girls at my school but don't know quite how to start a conversation with them.So whats a good way to get over being shy?
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) listen for your reply and then try to expand the conversation from there. It's about gaining confidence and learning to be at ease talking to anyone.
It was truly hideous and made a chore out of getting to know someone not to mention made me want a giant hole to open up in the ground and swallow me! 
Once I'd got a handle on talking to day to day people around me and felt more comfortable in myself, I then started challenging myself to talk to guys I thought were cute. Simple stuff like making eye contact and smiling was the first challenge. Second challenge was saying hello. This was back in the dark ages when I was a teenager. I was dealing with cocky, bulletproof teenage blokes who could burn you to ash with a look if they wanted. So it made sense to take my time. No point living as a social pariah because I stumbled my way through hello one day with Little Johnny Hotpants. 
