Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-23-2008, 01:54 AM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
7,087 posts, read 8,602,043 times
Reputation: 9978

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by JeepGirl118 View Post
Jon, you have the same grammar and type-style as my secret crush here on CD who has left me anonymous reps. Are you my secret crush? C'mon. I won't tell anyone. Neither will Artsy. PA is figuring out his business plan, he's not paying attention.
Hey,

haha, you have a secret crush? I just started posting here, what, a week ago? Not even? I don't know how long it's been. The only reason I have been posting a ton is not because I normally have nothing better to do with my time than hang around a forum, but I've been, well, I don't want to say "sick," but unhealthy all month. I started suffering from extreme fatigue, slept 10-12 hours a day, felt tired all day, and finally went and got blood tests done and saw a doctor. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism (yeah, yeah, 7 times more likely in women) and just went on the hormone-replacement pills to bring my levels up to normal again so I'm not so tired. Until my energy starts turning around and I'm feeling better again, I'm somewhat house-bound and can't do much. Thus the posting.

I'm not your secret crush, haha, but so far you seem like a cool girl I'll say that much anyway.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-23-2008, 02:05 AM
 
Location: USA
11,169 posts, read 10,634,334 times
Reputation: 6381
I hope you feel better soon.

*sigh* He's still on the loose then.

I'm sure my hunt is just entertaining him.

Obviously, he is watching by his latest rep and must know how OC I can be.

OMG. It better be a he!


I will get you my pretty, and your little dog Toto too!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 02:41 AM
 
1,020 posts, read 1,886,854 times
Reputation: 394
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB View Post
I don't agree with that, not based on my life experiences. I was always a perfect gentleman in high school, the quintessential "nice guy," and the only time any hot girl would give me the time of day (I was a nerd back in the day, scrawny, bad sense of style, etc.) is right before a test, like a day or two before, when they needed help. Anything nice I did for girls was always returned with indifference. It's best to learn early that being a nice guy doesn't get you anywhere.

I think what I'd remember when talking to these girls is they're just high school girls. I mean, yeah, you're a high school guy too. But think about it as though you are in your mid-20s, you'll never care what happened with these girls by that point. I'm 25, the idea that it would be intimidating to talk to a high school girl is hilarious to me now. I don't care if she's the hottest high school girl around, she's just a high schooler. And yet at one point I couldn't even muster a simple "hello" to a hot girl. I think you have to find excuses to talk, though, so it's less awkward. Rather than going right up to a hot girl, it has to be in natural situations, like where you happen to run into her and you find something to say.

I think making girls laugh is the key, really, and being awkward and shy just makes them think you lack confidence. It's better to act like you don't care if, you don't want to talk to them. Be supremely confident around them, give them just a slight nod or smile, but then pretend you're really not interested in them at all. That works better than seeming like you're intimidated by them.
First there are multiple skills involved. Before you can ask someone out, you need to get to the point where you can successfully talk with a girl first. Politeness is the begining of all small talk.

But I didn't just advocate politeness I went on.

Quote:
Originally Posted by edwardius View Post
Politeness is important, but you also need to be direct. Introduce yourself, "Hi my name is...". That is the best line in the world. But also arrange to do things with women you are interested in. "I was thinking about getting some ice cream this afternoon, are you up for joining me?" If she says no, she can't do it now, then ask for a phone number to schedule another time. Even if she says yes, get a phone number so you call her the next time you want to do something. Even if she won't give you her phone number someone else will.

Even women who aren't interested in you will be flattered that you asked them out. For most women the thing that makes you attractive is that you show interest in them.

Make your intentions clear. Not all women you are interested will be interested in you. That is life. Don't personalise it. If you go to party make it rule that you can't leave until you have either asked 3 women for phone numbers or later when you are better at it, until you have gotten phone numbers from three different women. Early on dating is somewhat of a numbers game with a learning curve. The more often you ask someone out, the better you get at doing it. Overthinking things is the enemy of action.

When you are young what matters most is that you address your fear of asking women out. Its perfectly ok to ask out someone you aren't that interested to build up your confidence. As long as you are polite and respectful, who cares if you end up buying yogurt for a girl that you aren't that interested in. Both of you will benefit from the experience of going out with each other.
I agree that a sense of humor matters and that self confidence is important. But the most important skill is to get phone numbers and actually ask women out. At age 16, far too many people never get anywhere, because they don't advance the ball to the next base. At 16, you can waste a lot of energy beating yourself up because you aren't funny or self-confident enough and use that as a pretext for not asking a girl out. At 16, you don't have to be funny or even be that self-confident to get a date with a girl. At age 16, all that you have to do is find a girl and ask her to out, there are enough women with there own insecurities about dating where one will gladly go out with you. Many of those women are actually pretty hot but shy and haven't gone out with anyone because no one has ever actually asked them out.

What creates self-confidence is successfully asking a girl out and going somewhere with a girl. That is a function of numbers. The more women you ask out, the sooner you will find someone who will say yes. Moreover the more women you ask out, the better you get at asking women out. You relax, you stop being so nervous - you realise that worse thing that will happen is that she will say no and you move on to the next girl. The process of asking a lot of women out also builds confidence. How you confront the fear of failure is to fail and realise it wasn't the end of you and move on. As you start gaining success it creates its own momentum.

But I also disagree with this idea that being a nice guy is a deteriment to dating women and that you have to feign indifference to get a girl. You don't. There are women who have a healthy sense of self-esteem who don't need to be treated like crap in order to agree to go on date. Generally those women are much cooler. More importantly if and when these dates progress to relationships, you aren't sabotaging your relationships with passive agressive behavior toward the women you are attracted to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 10:36 AM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,515 posts, read 16,147,019 times
Reputation: 8079
That's the worst advice ever. I wish people would stop saying that. I am a very nice guy and not only do I finish first but on most occassions I am waaay ahead of the pack!

Just because your sister cannot respect a nice guy does not mean that applies to all women.

Maybe you like "mean" guys and if so more power to you!


cr

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondie621 View Post
Remember one thing.....nice guys finish last. I remember my sister dating really nice guys for a really short time that our family liked.....she never liked them and would dump them all. Go figure!

Last edited by Ron.; 10-23-2008 at 10:58 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 10:48 AM
 
4,416 posts, read 9,106,062 times
Reputation: 4307
Don't be shy just let your feelings roll on by

Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there

Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead

And don't be shy, just ley your feelings rool on by


You know love is better than a song

Love is where all of us belong

So don't be shy just let your feelings roll on by

Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there tou're there


Don't be shy just let your feelings roll on by

Don't wear fear or nobody will know you're there

Just lift your head, and let your feelings out instead And don't be shy, just let your feeling roll on on, on by on bym ect



Cat Stevens/Yusuf Islam 1972-73
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 01:00 PM
 
Location: "The Sunshine State"
4,334 posts, read 13,635,628 times
Reputation: 3063
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChicagoRon View Post
That's the worst advice ever. I wish people would stop saying that. I am a very nice guy and not only do I finish first but on most occassions I am waaay ahead of the pack!

Just because your sister cannot respect a nice guy does not mean that applies to all women.

Maybe you like "mean" guys and if so more power to you!


cr
First of all I do not like mean guys and I was not referring to me! Learn how to read. Statistics are known that nice guys finish last with women. Every nice guy I know whether married or in a relationship he is with a B--ch that takes advantage of him....so being tooo nice may eventually hurt you! Just a warning. Yikes! You claim you are a nice guy but yet you jumped all over me on this one...I consider that a mean reply to me! Try to be nice!

http://www.pick-up-woman.com/nice-guys-finish-last.shtml (broken link)
http://www.themodernman.com/nice_guys.html
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/getiton15.html

Last edited by Blondie621; 10-23-2008 at 01:16 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 01:57 PM
 
Location: In my view finder.....
8,515 posts, read 16,147,019 times
Reputation: 8079
Blah,blah,blah. Stop your rambling...........


Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondie621 View Post
First of all I do not like mean guys and I was not referring to me! Learn how to read. Statistics are known that nice guys finish last with women. Every nice guy I know whether married or in a relationship he is with a B--ch that takes advantage of him....so being tooo nice may eventually hurt you! Just a warning. Yikes! You claim you are a nice guy but yet you jumped all over me on this one...I consider that a mean reply to me! Try to be nice!

Nice Guys Finish Last (http://www.pick-up-woman.com/nice-guys-finish-last.shtml - broken link)
Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last With Women?
AskMen.com - Finding nice guys
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 02:04 PM
 
2,751 posts, read 5,352,562 times
Reputation: 1779
Quote:
Originally Posted by CTownNative View Post
Im a 16 guy and I like girls at my school but don't know quite how to start a conversation with them.So whats a good way to get over being shy?
Like all other fears, take a leap of faith and take the lumps that may come, and what you will find is that nothin' stings as much as you thought it would, and that by doing so, you will expose it for the figment of your imagination that it always was, your perception not theirs, and it will soon disappear.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 10:03 PM
 
Location: Gary, WV & Springfield, ME
5,826 posts, read 9,587,245 times
Reputation: 17323
If you do not like birds, do not follow my advice. Get a pair of binoculars and a bird book. Become a birder (the lingo for bird watcher). Typically, birders are not real talkative and you can be shy in mixed company and nobody will notice. Once you have the hang of it in your own yard, venture out to a park or nature trail with your binoculars and bird book. You'll attract birders of both genders. It's a HUGE interest. It'll get your feet wet anyway.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-23-2008, 10:24 PM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
7,087 posts, read 8,602,043 times
Reputation: 9978
Yeah being a "nice guy" is very bad for trying to get hot women. It can work for your average girl, sure, but hot women have to deal with way too many nice guys. It's social dynamics. How many guys come up to a gorgeous woman at a bar and do the same thing? "Wow you're so pretty, can I buy you a drink?" In her mind it's like, "Oh god not another one of these guys." It's why the "neg," if you've read Pick-Up Artist lingo (The Game is a great book, for instance) is so effective with a hot girl. If it's a cute girl who is insecure about hotter girls in the bar, it's ok to say something like, "How does it feel to be the hottest girl in here?" That is ok, because since she's almost for sure insecure about how there are 5 other girls here who are hotter, you just made her night by putting aside that fear. But if she REALLY IS the hottest girl in the bar, it's an ineffective strategy. Then you have to tease girls.

I will never understand how that always works, but whenever I've been nice to a girl I get into the "friends" category -- if I'm LUCKY -- faster than you can say "that show sucked!" But when I just relentlessly tease a girl, over and over, it's amazing how they start liking me. I don't get it at all, but it works. I learned that first by doing it with girls I didn't want to date, like my sister's friends who were cute, since I wouldn't date my sister's friends (even though she dates mine, grrr), I would basically make everything that came out of my mouth an insult of some sort, but done in the "cocky-funny" way, i.e. it was obvious I was joking. Like one friend of hers was trying to explain why she was angry at her ex-boyfriend she hadn't gotten over, and I start with, "Like oh my god wow that's so stupid of him like it's amazing!" She goes, "Shutup!" Then she continues and I say, "Rachel you can't tell the guys you want to get married and have their kids on the first date, jesus!" She's like, "I don't do that! I never do that!" Then I just continued for hours and hours that night, making fun of everything she said or did, and by the end of the night I even got her to hit me on the arm and try to tackle me, which anyone knows if a girl really hates you she doesn't hit you on the arm playfully, she just avoids you and doesn't talk to you. So then there we are at the end of the night and I tuck her into the guest bed and she starts talking to me for about an hour about her life, while my sister is still partying with other friends, and THEN I acted nice and sensitive, gave her a massage, and asked her questions. But to get to that point I had to be a total ass first, in a playful way of course.

I was the quintessential nice guy in high school, got me nowhere. As soon as I grew a backbone and STOPPED caring about what girls thought of me, and teased them, made fun of them, etc., I started having a lot better luck. They saw me as someone different, funny, like they had something to prove. I didn't put them on a pedestal anymore, so they couldn't act so arrogant. If you tell a girl you don't even know that she's gorgeous, everything about her is great, etc. she lets it get to her head, especially if she hears that all of the time. You're just another douche hitting on her. But if you can make cocky remarks to her, the cool girls will respond well. "Hey, nice outfit, god that's so funny I just saw another girl wearing the exact same thing!" (triggers insecurity). "Wow, where did you get those shoes, Salvation Army?" "Hey these are (Prada / Gucci / whatever) shoes! They cost $300!" "Wow, really? I can't believe anyone would waste $300 on shoes, you must be loaded!" With the hottest girls, you have to throw them off balance hard and fast, because if they're on their game and feeling like they're a goddess, you got no chance. Show you're not afraid of them, you don't think she's so special, and to you she's just any other girl. She'll work to prove you wrong. It's human nature. And just the fact she's going to talk to you and defend herself against your "negs" is enough to have this conversation continue. Complimenting hot girls is ok, but not on their looks. Not ever, not until you're dating them already. If a girl is really hot, figure she might be insecure about her intelligence, so if she does actually seem smart, say so. "Wow you're really a smart girl." She doesn't hear that enough, everyone thinks she's hot so they ignore her brain -- don't make that mistake and you'll already be ahead of the other douchebags hitting on her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:12 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top