Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm happy to say I haven't thought much about all this today, because last night a friend introduced me to someone new...a little gray kitten who is the spitting image of my recently deceased & incredibly dear cat Humphrey. He was found on the street and someone brought him to the animal emergency center, (where my friend works). He's only 5-6 weeks old, (ironically he was born around the same time Humphrey died...hmmm...!) He's being treated for intestinal parasites (poor little guy!) but as soon as he's well, he's coming home with me!!! I also ended up applying to work at the center, since the holidays & property taxes are right around the corner...plus I've always wanted to learn more about treating/healing animals since I plan to always have a lot of them around me (some rescues I eventually find homes for)...now I'll have somewhere to take the sick strays I find for treatment & adoption as well! Life is good!
Sounds like your making a big deal out of something so small.Are you pointing it out in front of other people? If so that could be why he went to his truck. You say you don't want drama, then why make a big deal about who goes through the door first?
Sounds like your making a big deal out of something so small.Are you pointing it out in front of other people? If so that could be why he went to his truck. You say you don't want drama, then why make a big deal about who goes through the door first?
I didn't make a big deal about it, I told him that it bothered me and he flipped out. I didn't point it out to others, that's the point of posting here...where none of our friends will be put in the middle of things.
It isn't the door, per say, it is the way he reacts to any/all mention of things I don't like. He speaks his mind to me, but when I do the same it is not okay, and that is a double-standard. In my previous relationships, we were always able to resolve whatever came up by having a conversation and finding a way to compromise. When you are biting your tongue for fear of getting the cold shoulder for days on end, eventually it builds up and you get to the point of boiling over, which is why you say something about what may not normally be a big deal...because you're sick of having to hold back and let all that has hurt or angered you fester for another second.
And don't understand your point??? In order to work with people you have to use words.........
Guess it all depends. If it is an old issue that is sure to become volatile,
I opt for silence.
Now, if the actual subject matter is IGNORING or SHUNNING. That is
a whole different thing to me.
I have been on the give and take of the silent treatment. In hopes
it is a tool, so to speak. Sometimes one just grasps.
But ignoring and shunning? NO. I would never ignore someone unless
I let them know beforehand that even a mere utterance of a word
escaping from their mouths would set me into a crazed argument of
the worst kind and or type. It could also be a protective measure on
the person who is always at the receiving end of someone's snarky
rude comments, ad nauseaum. I was taught to ignore rude nasty people.
(By parents, teachers, friends, etc.)
If I am getting a silent treatment I do my best to discover why if I
care enough about the person dishing out the treatment.
See? no silence here!!!
Okay, I guess I jinxed myself by posting how "happy" I've been in my relationship, because now it seems like it's going downhill at hyperspeed...a little history:
My BF & I have been together for over 3 years now, and from the beginning he's had a ton of problems. First he had a hernia and I turned into the caretaker after only a few months of dating...had to be there night & day b/c he couldn't move very well or do much of anything. His family (mom, dad & now sis) have had health problems from the beginning as well, which has been difficult for him, to say the least. Basically, he's been in turmoil for the duration of the relationship, and because of this he is completely unable to deal with the very real and very normal issues that come up. I can't tell him anything that I percieve to be an issue without him blowing it way out of proportion and getting angry for days, sometimes longer. He turns the situation around and makes me feel guilty for bringing things up b/c he's going thru a rough time. So it's either bite it and let it fester or speak up and risk the cold shoulder &/or ANOTHER mini-break up.
I lost my father to lung cancer when I was 25...my grandmother is very sick right now possibly due to a previous aneurism (she's 86!) and my cat died recently...but HE'S the victim b/c all his family & animals are still alive and there's at least a chance to save them?! Death happens, pain happens, loss happens, LIFE happens...it doesn't make it okay IMO to use these things to get out of trouble or manipulate people into acquiescence.
So today we're at work setting up art for a halloween party and our boss says "we've got time to kill, let me treat u to breakfast"...great! For the 3rd time in a row (and many other scattered times throughout) he walks ahead of me, right through the door, barely holding it open for me, let alone letting me walk inside ahead of him, which is the polite thing to do. (Let me point out here that I always hold the door, whether it's for a male or female if I'm walking first...this is how I was raised.) No, it's not a huge deal, but it made me feel like crap anyway, so I told him "you know, that's the 3rd time you've done that in a row...it really makes me feel bad!" He got so angry he refused to come inside the restaurant, went to his truck and started calling his friends, (probably to complain about me...) and didn't speak to me for the whole rest of the day. (Still not talking...just texted to say how he has "bigger problems" right now, and "thank you for pointing out my shortcomings when I'm going thru such a hard time".) We are both in our mid thirties, for heaven's sake, these high school dramas shouldn't even be part of our consciousness right now!!!
Am I in the wrong here in assuming that adult relationships require talking about issues as they arise and working through them, regardless of what else may be going on in life? Am I supposed to bite my tongue forever if his family continues to be sick? I'm so tired of all this...I love so many things about him, but this attitude he has toward me when we have a problem is wearing me down slowly but surely...I don't want to end up dragging this out if it's never going to change. Any suggestions? What would you do???!!!!
I don't care what is going on in your life - there is no excuse for being rude. He sounds like a throw back.
Does your mate scream at you when you have a disagreement?
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.