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Old 10-27-2008, 03:00 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
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that is very very insensitive. Seriously, didn't your parents teach you to value other people....

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellothereIN View Post
ok, since I am new I am gonna put it way out there. I actually left a guy sitting at a table waiting for me and left with another who was...cuter.
Go ahead. Get your flame sticks ready.
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Old 10-27-2008, 03:03 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
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ok first of all ever heard of the term "anxiety"???? He probably had a lot of anxiety.....and if you are one of those types that talks non-stop then maybe that shut him down...It does me....and I articulate myself very well and am witty as you can tell...oh well....

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellothereIN View Post
Someone I dated before and he was very date-leave worthy.

(The "date" I left, would not speak a word to me and after two hours of
trying to get him to talk I just left him there. Told him later I
thought he had left me.
He was a great guy to talk to at work, but once out together
it was awful. And I didn't want to just go home.
He said he was just happy to know I wasn't kidnapped.)
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:03 PM
 
Location: Sun Diego, CA
521 posts, read 1,625,483 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
It was really rude on your part to not inform her that picking up the cell phone on your date was irritating you. Why didn't you just speak up? I would have said "Hey, do mind not answer your phone? Please." Now, if she just ignored me and rolled her eyes then maybe I would have walked out on her.

Also I wouldn't have left her dateless unless she was really unattractive and very unfriendly/anti-social towards me.
I did. I may have not explicitly said, "its rude of you to pick up your phone," but I did say it in so many words (I forgot what I said but I did make a remark about it). Besides, if theres nothing she should have learned of after leaving her planted -- theres something she should have learned after 19 years: that is appropriate manners.

Furthermore, I dont take the persons looks into account. In fact, the fact that she was hot probably played a factor in deciding to leave her. Consider the options and the consequences:
  • Continue on the date, say nothing --> She starts to think she can walk all over me. Women dont get with guys they can walk all over. Lose/Lose situation.
  • Continue the date, tell it is rude --> Though, she should know its rude without having me tell her, she may get the message, maybe not. Regardless, do I really want to be teaching manners to someone my same age? Nope. Since there's no chance in a relationship with her, simply hooking up with her might be a battle since I'd be competing against her ego (the rich, "im entitled to everything because im hot" paris hilton type).
  • Take off --> Message delivered. She knows why I left. She knows I aint having it. She knows she cant get away with everything on everyone based on her looks. She may hate me, but she'll at least respect me. Chances of hooking up with her later are better since I am now on her ******* list. Plus, I have a great story to tell. Win/Win....In fact, the fact that I chose this option showed our waitress that I have balls and worthy enough to go out with her later.
Well, at least thats how I see it.
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:15 PM
 
566 posts, read 1,103,707 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
that is very very insensitive. Seriously, didn't your parents teach you to value other people....

Yes, as a matter of fact, YOU?
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:17 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
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I HATE to break it to you wesside but people are not perfect and forget about age, age plays no factor at all in imperfection. You will see imperfections with people from now and until we are all very old.

In relationships of all sorts people teach each other how they want to be treated. People cannot READ your mind. They are not psychic. I would have been annoyed with the lady but I would have stuck with the date and tried to get to KNOW her before I dumped her. I would have also been direct "Do you mind not answering the phone? I'm trying to have a date with you".

The only time I dump people is if I give them several hints and some direct communication as I stated above and then they roll their eyes, continue to be selfish and callous, or do the behavior again and again despite my feedback etc. Do you get what I am saying....people are going to be imperfect no matter their intellect or age.

I just don't get people these days.....ugggh.

Quote:
Originally Posted by wesside View Post
I did. I may have not explicitly said, "its rude of you to pick up your phone," but I did say it in so many words (I forgot what I said but I did make a remark about it). Besides, if theres nothing she should have learned of after leaving her planted -- theres something she should have learned after 19 years: that is appropriate manners.

Furthermore, I dont take the persons looks into account. In fact, the fact that she was hot probably played a factor in deciding to leave her. Consider the options and the consequences:
  • Continue on the date, say nothing --> She starts to think she can walk all over me. Women dont get with guys they can walk all over. Lose/Lose situation.
  • Continue the date, tell it is rude --> Though, she should know its rude without having me tell her, she may get the message, maybe not. Regardless, do I really want to be teaching manners to someone my same age? Nope. Since there's no chance in a relationship with her, simply hooking up with her might be a battle since I'd be competing against her ego (the rich, "im entitled to everything because im hot" paris hilton type).
  • Take off --> Message delivered. She knows why I left. She knows I aint having it. She knows she cant get away with everything on everyone based on her looks. She may hate me, but she'll at least respect me. Chances of hooking up with her later are better since I am now on her ******* list. Plus, I have a great story to tell. Win/Win....In fact, the fact that I chose this option showed our waitress that I have balls and worthy enough to go out with her later.
Well, at least thats how I see it.
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:19 PM
 
566 posts, read 1,103,707 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
ok first of all ever heard of the term "anxiety"???? He probably had a lot of anxiety.....and if you are one of those types that talks non-stop then maybe that shut him down...It does me....and I articulate myself very well and am witty as you can tell...oh well....
Actually, I do believe the only reason we were sitting there staring at our water glasses was he needed to prove a point to someone he broke up with that was there. (hahaha, look at me, I have a date -- she was working)
If anyone needed to be taught how not to treat a date, it was this loser.
If he was so insecure, why drag me into his issues. As I posted, he was very articulate at work. Always a story. A joke.
Then we get on a date and not a freaking word for over an hour... just the sounds of other people enjoying themselves. And I was not about to waste a great looking outfit and killer shoes. Too bad.

You should date him maybe. where is that wambulance when you need it anyway?
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:21 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
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You are saying he was using you and you picked up on that and he wasn't communicating to you because it was just a fake date?

OK then he was a jerk and sure, I would have felt offended and dumped him there too!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by hellothereIN View Post
Actually, I do believe the only reason we were sitting there staring at our water glasses was he needed to prove a point to someone he broke up with that was there. (hahaha, look at me, I have a date -- she was working)
If anyone needed to be taught how not to treat a date, it was this loser.
If he was so insecure, why drag me into his issues. As I posted, he was very articulate at work. Always a story. A joke.
Then we get on a date and not a freaking word for over an hour..

You should date him maybe. where is that wambulance when you need it anyway?
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Sun Diego, CA
521 posts, read 1,625,483 times
Reputation: 326
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I HATE to break it to you wesside but people are not perfect and forget about age, age plays no factor at all in imperfection. You will see imperfections with people from now and until we are all very old.

In relationships of all sorts people teach each other how they want to be treated. People cannot READ your mind. They are not psychic. I would have been annoyed with the lady but I would have stuck with the date and tried to get to KNOW her before I dumped her. I would have also been direct "Do you mind not answering the phone? I'm trying to have a date with you".

The only time I dump people is if I give them several hints and some direct communication as I stated above and then they roll their eyes, continue to be selfish and callous, or do the behavior again and again despite my feedback etc. Do you get what I am saying....people are going to be imperfect no matter their intellect or age.

I just don't get people these days.....ugggh.
Understand what you're saying. I can even agree with some points. Although it would be ideal to get to know the person before dumping her, there are just some habits and things people do on dates that are dealbreakers. Ask any person here to state situations that were dealbreakers (i.e. the title of this thread).
Lets consider the extremes:
  • Girl goes out with guy for first time. Guy is a complete pig. Stares at her boobs when talking to her. Degrades women when speaking. Only wants to get laid. Should the Girl put up with him in hopes of "knowing" him in hopes that he will learn how to treat her? Dont think so. Even if she asked him politely and he stoped after the first time she already can see what kind of guy he will be.
  • On the other extreme: Guy bites his nails alot, she eats one pea at a time (seinfeld), or he may not be a complete gentleman. Girl may want to try it out since those are things that can change.
In my situation, that was the dealbreaker. Ive dealt with girls that were like this before. Admittedly, mostly at parties or some social setting where I get a feel of what she'd be like. Id rather not have to spend my time and money on someone that I feel I'd be completely incompatible with. Though, I cannot say for certain whether I'd treat that situation exactly the same now (as Im 6 years older than that particular date) by walking out on her, I can still say that I would not give a person like her a shot.

The fact that you disagree with walking out on her is okay. I can understand why some would disagree with it since, admittedly, it was kinda rude and childish
But I dont think you can say her attitude was minor, and can blame me for making a dealbreaker. Especially after the fact that I was 19 and in college, paying for dinner for two, and everything else.
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:54 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
Reputation: 7058
Wesside,

So in general she didn't seem like a good fit for you at all and the talking on the cell phone was something that "broke the camel's back" for you....ok I can sympathize with that!

I'm personally just sick of people giving me a hard time....hence the reason I do not date that much. I've never had anybody leave me or ditch me though.....I just hate it when people pretend the date was going perfectly and they didn't say anything bad and then send me a message that everything went fine and then when I want to continue dating I'm completely ignored or given excuses like "oh I'm busy".....I'm like wow how rude, if I was not cool enough just say so in English no need to lead me on........hence the reason why I do not date that much.....


Quote:
Originally Posted by wesside View Post
Understand what you're saying. I can even agree with some points. Although it would be ideal to get to know the person before dumping her, there are just some habits and things people do on dates that are dealbreakers. Ask any person here to state situations that were dealbreakers (i.e. the title of this thread).
Lets consider the extremes:
  • Girl goes out with guy for first time. Guy is a complete pig. Stares at her boobs when talking to her. Degrades women when speaking. Only wants to get laid. Should the Girl put up with him in hopes of "knowing" him in hopes that he will learn how to treat her? Dont think so. Even if she asked him politely and he stoped after the first time she already can see what kind of guy he will be.
  • On the other extreme: Guy bites his nails alot, she eats one pea at a time (seinfeld), or he may not be a complete gentleman. Girl may want to try it out since those are things that can change.
In my situation, that was the dealbreaker. Ive dealt with girls that were like this before. Admittedly, mostly at parties or some social setting where I get a feel of what she'd be like. Id rather not have to spend my time and money on someone that I feel I'd be completely incompatible with. Though, I cannot say for certain whether I'd treat that situation exactly the same now (as Im 6 years older than that particular date) by walking out on her, I can still say that I would not give a person like her a shot.

The fact that you disagree with walking out on her is okay. I can understand why some would disagree with it since, admittedly, it was kinda rude and childish
But I dont think you can say her attitude was minor, and can blame me for making a dealbreaker. Especially after the fact that I was 19 and in college, paying for dinner for two, and everything else.
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:58 PM
 
566 posts, read 1,103,707 times
Reputation: 709
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
You are saying he was using you and you picked up on that and he wasn't communicating to you because it was just a fake date?

OK then he was a jerk and sure, I would have felt offended and dumped him there too!!!
Thank you. I hope you didn't miss where I posted that I FELT BAD
Quote:
I felt awful the next time I saw him. But I clung to the story that I thought he was gone first. Must have looked at the wrong table, walked around looking for him. But
it had to be done. So we laughed and he asked if we should try again.
I know I declined but I can't recall if I gave him a reason or not.

It was bad tho. Really really bad. He was fine with me sitting acrossed
from him talking and asking questions with him gazing past me. Buh bye.
(I wondered if I was there to show an old gf that he moved on?)
Of course I felt bad about ditching him. I am sure he had to explain to his old gf why he was just sitting there. I wonder how long it took? Sorry, but I am laughing all over again about this. Yes, he did deserve it. But it was cruel. I really thought it was MY ONLY way out!
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