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Old 10-27-2008, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Oxford, OH
1,461 posts, read 3,644,981 times
Reputation: 834

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You will also ruin your credit...probably for both of you. Think think think...
When you feel rushed like this..that is the time to slow down and really think through things carefully. This will affect you for years to come...please go slow.
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Old 10-27-2008, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 7,009,371 times
Reputation: 6743
Ok, nobody can make you love or be attracted to your husband. But there is a lot at stake here. You have kids and when there are kids it's not just about your wants or needs anymore. And you say you want to date other people. Why do you want to end a relationship with a good person to try to find another? Don't you know it's not all fairytales out there? Yeah there's the lust and excitement with something new but the newness fades in all relationships and that's when the real love begins. And there is no guarentee there will be another good guy, those are hard to find. You could very well end up with a complete jerk this time around. In the end it's all up to you but you really need to think long and hard about what you are doing.
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Old 10-27-2008, 03:36 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,210,342 times
Reputation: 7445
Guys, you all are the best but this has gone on for 20 pages and we are all saying the same things...she will do what she wants to do no matter who she takes down with her.
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Old 10-27-2008, 03:37 PM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 7,009,371 times
Reputation: 6743
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Guys, you all are the best but this has gone on for 20 pages and we are all saying the same things...she will do what she wants to do no matter who she takes down with her.
Yeah, I didn't read all those pages. I guess I should've.
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Old 10-27-2008, 03:59 PM
 
Location: Midwest
1,167 posts, read 1,517,448 times
Reputation: 1507
Just to let you know. My husband's mother left his father and all her kids stayed with their father by choice. They didn't want to go with their mom. They saw what her leaving did to him. He begged her to stay as well, not because he was some loser who couldn't do better, but because he knew it would kill his children if she left him. And it did. It was a very difficult thing that my husband and I had to get through, he was very worried that things were going to end for no reason at some point with us and luckily we went to pre-marital counseling and got everything on the table. Both of us feel that "falling out of love" is a cop-out and that it's just a way to say "ME ME ME I WANT I WANT" at the expense of all those around you. Not only will it throw your kids for a loop, but also any friends the two of you may have together, your parents and siblings will be effected.

Your kids will be the ones most effected by this, even though you've already proven that you don't care about them by saying, I know it's going to hurt them, but kids go through it all the time and they are fine. As a spouse of a child of divorce, I know that they are not fine. My husband is a wonderful man, but he had a lot of deep seeded issues stemming from his parents' divorce.

Can you imagine, being ripped from your home, having to spend this day with mom and that day with dad. Watching your dad feel horrible and sad because of how heartless your mother was to him for NO REASON.

The funniest part was that my husband's dad wound up marrying someone half his age and having more kids. He is happy now. Don't get me wrong, I get along great with his mom! I really love her as a person. She has grown up so much since she did what she did, but she missed out on 5-10 years with her children because they hated her so much for what she did. You think about that before you get upset with people on here for saying you are a bad mother. I'm not calling you a bad mother at all, but your children have minds of their own and you can not make them understand your reasoning. They will think what they want to think and if you leave on bad terms with your husband he might accidentally fuel that too.

My husband's mom still doesn't have the greatest relationship with my husband's brother or sister. My husband has told me that the only reason he is so close to her is because of me and I believe it. It was really important to me that he fix his relationship with his mother in order for things to be right for our whole family.

You ARE being very selfish and whether you ignore this or not, you will mature later in life and realize how selfish you were. Or you may never mature and you may always think you did the right thing.

AND SHAME ON YOU FOR KISSING ANOTHER MAN WHILE YOU ARE STILL WITH YOUR HUSBAND. That is cheating, just so you know.
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:25 PM
 
542 posts, read 1,681,652 times
Reputation: 329
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss Martha View Post
Just to let you know. My husband's mother left his father and all her kids stayed with their father by choice. They didn't want to go with their mom. They saw what her leaving did to him. He begged her to stay as well, not because he was some loser who couldn't do better, but because he knew it would kill his children if she left him. And it did. It was a very difficult thing that my husband and I had to get through, he was very worried that things were going to end for no reason at some point with us and luckily we went to pre-marital counseling and got everything on the table. Both of us feel that "falling out of love" is a cop-out and that it's just a way to say "ME ME ME I WANT I WANT" at the expense of all those around you. Not only will it throw your kids for a loop, but also any friends the two of you may have together, your parents and siblings will be effected.

Your kids will be the ones most effected by this, even though you've already proven that you don't care about them by saying, I know it's going to hurt them, but kids go through it all the time and they are fine. As a spouse of a child of divorce, I know that they are not fine. My husband is a wonderful man, but he had a lot of deep seeded issues stemming from his parents' divorce.

Can you imagine, being ripped from your home, having to spend this day with mom and that day with dad. Watching your dad feel horrible and sad because of how heartless your mother was to him for NO REASON.

The funniest part was that my husband's dad wound up marrying someone half his age and having more kids. He is happy now. Don't get me wrong, I get along great with his mom! I really love her as a person. She has grown up so much since she did what she did, but she missed out on 5-10 years with her children because they hated her so much for what she did. You think about that before you get upset with people on here for saying you are a bad mother. I'm not calling you a bad mother at all, but your children have minds of their own and you can not make them understand your reasoning. They will think what they want to think and if you leave on bad terms with your husband he might accidentally fuel that too.

My husband's mom still doesn't have the greatest relationship with my husband's brother or sister. My husband has told me that the only reason he is so close to her is because of me and I believe it. It was really important to me that he fix his relationship with his mother in order for things to be right for our whole family.

You ARE being very selfish and whether you ignore this or not, you will mature later in life and realize how selfish you were. Or you may never mature and you may always think you did the right thing.

AND SHAME ON YOU FOR KISSING ANOTHER MAN WHILE YOU ARE STILL WITH YOUR HUSBAND. That is cheating, just so you know.
Great post!
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:28 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 4,610,184 times
Reputation: 2683
OK, this is f'n crazy. Who really is the "ignoramous" here? MS. or those of us who want to slap her straight?

.........and here I am post'n again......
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Old 10-27-2008, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 7,009,371 times
Reputation: 6743
Quote:
Originally Posted by capt. Cave man View Post
ok, this is f'n crazy. Who really is the "ignoramous" here? Ms. Or those of us who want to slap her straight?

.........and here i am post'n again......
lol
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Old 10-28-2008, 01:06 AM
 
Location: Tennessee bound...someday
2,514 posts, read 4,945,253 times
Reputation: 7130
Default MsConfused, are you still around?

(I can't figure out if it's the insomnia that got me hooked on C-D, or if C-D is fueling the insomnia...grrr)

Now then.
1) Your weight loss has so much to do with this - just ONE of MANY reasons why you need counseling. You say you don't want to go, fearful of what she'll say, fearful for him, etc. BS - you just don't want to hear what you know the counselor will say: stay & work on it.

2) Your husband gets laid off every April to December? Did I read that right? Is this a paid lay-off; union or something? Cuz if not, then there is ONE MORE reason you need counseling. **Plz anyone still reading when they swore they wouldn't - explain how an unemployed father/husband WOULDN'T have anything to do with her unhappiness.** Your house has been on the market for a year now & it's going into foreclosure? It's not so easy to file bankruptcy anymore; if you guys are in the ditch now - the cost of divorce will bury you.

3) Kissing or whatever else you may or may not be doing with your new "Mr. Wonderful" is wrong on so many levels. A word you should start replaying in your brain : SACRIFICE!!! Until you are in the clear, you DO NOT fool around. You sacrifice your immediate needs for the long term needs of your children. Not saying stay for life in an unhappy situation; just saying that you have to give up a few of your own desires for a while.

4) Thank goodness you know how to use a computer. Google MA govt., search for matrimonial statutes - it will tell you how long you have to SACRIFICE before your divorce comes through.

5) You have not consulted a lawyer but your husband has (regarding the foreclosure). Have you ever met an attorney? Even if your husband's lawyer is only dealing with the house issue, your marital problems will come up. If the lawyer is worth anything, he (or she) will be making sure your husband knows & understands terms like "abandonment", "infidelity clause", "emotional abuse". While you are out playing around on your wounded husband, his lawyer will be trying to find ways to attatch those terms ( and more) to YOU because you are the breadwinner, yes? Then you better hope Mr. Wonderful will be paying for your new fun life, because your paycheck will be garnished to pay for your kids' & husband's still sh**ty life.

6) Not to get all sappy on you, but I really hope you will dig thru the archives & find 2 songs by (I believe) Carly Simon: "Coming Around Again" & "It's the Stuff that Dreams are Made of" - it's the slow & steady fire....in your own back yard...yada yada

You could ask a million divorced people if they left & regretted it...& you'd probably get a close to even split of those who are sure they made the right choice, & those who are sure they jumped the gun on trying. Your posting name alone signals you to stop thinking with the new body that wants to be romanced, and start thinking like a grown woman with a family.

Maybe (probably) you did get married too young...but leaving him now won't bring back the glory years of a 20-something. That ship sailed. At least if you get counseling & a LEGAL separation, it will buy you some time so that if you do go thru with the divorce, you can drop the "MsConfused" moniker.

Last edited by piperspal; 10-28-2008 at 01:30 AM..
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Old 10-28-2008, 03:47 AM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,722 posts, read 4,295,285 times
Reputation: 1292
The mods are trying to torture us by allowing this to carry on.
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