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Old 10-25-2008, 02:51 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,807 posts, read 7,562,392 times
Reputation: 3294

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raggy dee Ann View Post
I've had that book on my shelf for 3 years and yet have to read it. Still waiting to resolve my various neurosis first.
It changed my life, helped me out of the most severe depression I've ever felt and gave me the strength to quit drinking.

A sidenote to the OP...please don't get it on with the co-worker. I have been cheated on in the past, and can tell you it's one of the worst feelings in the world. If your husband is as great as you claim, leave him first and wait a reasonable amount of time before getting physical with someone else. He deserves at least that much consideration, and I'm sure if the situation were reversed, you'd want him to do the same.
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Old 10-25-2008, 03:00 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 4,609,810 times
Reputation: 2683
Quote:
Originally Posted by ButterflyUK View Post
So you think living with parents that are unhappy is the best thing for them? [mod cut: personal attack] From a kid who lived it let me say...you do not know what you are talking about.
[mod cut: personal attack] I've been around it. It's not "parents" that are unhappy, it's a woman(not a mother) who wants to be a f'n kid again....ie. no responsibilities. She said it, I didn't.

This isn't about HER anymore, or even her husband. Remember, she has kids? Selfish people need their "bo!!ocks" pulled thru their f'n nose.

No kids, I have no problem. When kids are involved, I'll take the "pi$$" out of them.

Just what I stand for. Don't like it, fine.

Last edited by SandyCo; 10-25-2008 at 03:03 PM.. Reason: personal attack; removing personal attack in quoted post
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Old 10-25-2008, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,588 posts, read 17,510,797 times
Reputation: 9462
Hi, everyone. I have my "Moderator" hat on now. Please refrain from personal attacks, of the OP and each other. I have had to clean up this thread considerably. Thank you.
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Old 10-25-2008, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Oxford, OH
1,461 posts, read 3,644,733 times
Reputation: 834
I think since you said you husband is calling all the time and hoping you will still counsel, and maybe hoping somehow things can be fixed that he needs the counseling, one on one, just as much as you do. A counselor needs to help him deal with his probably desperate feelings. He needs not to beg and lose what self respect that he has. He needs to get in quickly so that he can deal with all of his feelings. This must be very hard on him. Imagine for a minute that you are him??? You love someone but they are trying to get away from you as fast you they can. You feel you have done nothing wrong, this person will take your kids from a regular routine from you. This is all very difficult from his side I'm sure.
I think you have talked yourself into starting over. You decide whatever is best for you but go slow, be kind, treat him like you want to be treated, protect those kids at all costs and be fair.
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Old 10-25-2008, 04:17 PM
 
1,818 posts, read 3,087,565 times
Reputation: 229
I cannot judge you, I don't live in your situation. I have seen it happen with friends and it was not pretty. If you are married to an abusive husband that cheats on you etc, I would say get out of that situation post haste. We are just forum members with our own thoughts, some will side with you and some your husband. Capt Cave Man mentioned the children and when they are used to seeing their father every day will be very hard. It is a very sad situation, do some deep soul searching before you make a mistake you cannot undue.
I hope things work out for all envolved.
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Old 10-25-2008, 05:16 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,588 posts, read 17,510,797 times
Reputation: 9462
I just skimmed through the 33 pages on the other thread. At the very least, I can see why the OP's name is "Ms. Confused". Wow.

To Ms. Confused - Over on that thread, you said that you were going to leave the guy at work alone. Next thing we know, you're kissing him? And this just happened yesterday. This morning you told your husband that you want a divorce. Are you going to say that these two events are unrelated? Because if you are, I don't believe you. You're lying to yourself. At least be honest about what's going on; it'll be easier in the long run.

Something else that caught my attention on the other thread - that your husband says inappropriate things in front of the children? Like what? Maybe he's not the perfect, wonderful guy that you've led us all to think he is. I used to think my husband was so wonderful, and he was anything but.

I'd have to know more about him, and about you, but you're so similar to where I was 20 years ago that it's scary. I thought I was a terrible wife and mother, that anyone could do a better job than me. If I hadn't gotten a divorce when I did, I probably would have committed suicide.

After I had been gone for a while, my head began to clear and I realized many things, including:

1. Nothing was ever his fault.
2. He was a perpetual victim.
3. He was possessive of me, but he'd look at and comment on other women right in front of me.
4. If I complained about #3, I was told that I wasn't dressing up enough for him (making it my fault!).
5. He'd yell at me for doing things like reading romance novels (my escape from a reality that sucked).
6. When we'd argue, I'd say something like, "You never listen to me" and his response would be, "You never say anything worth hearing, anyway."
7. When we argued about money (because we were always poor!), he actually cried and said, "You don't want me to have any fun!"
8. When I left him, if I had taken the children, I would have been "that b*tch who took my kids". Because I left the kids with him, I instead became "that b*tch who abandoned her kids". I couldn't win!
9. When we were talking about separating, he confessed that he made a pass at my best friend while I was in our bedroom trying to sleep. Then he proceeded to blame me by saying I wasn't affectionate enough!
10. I was supposed to be so grateful that he stayed with me; I'd never find anyone else as wonderful as him, etc. I bought it, and it was a pack of lies. All lies.

I'm not in your life. I don't know how he really treats you. Only you can see what's really happening. Why doesn't he want you to talk to anyone who knows both of you? Maybe you'd get support from people around you, and that scares him. I keep thinking there may be more here than meets the eye.
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Old 10-25-2008, 08:15 PM
 
Location: ATL suburb
1,364 posts, read 4,137,939 times
Reputation: 1580
I don't know why I'm still reading this. It's a complete trainwreck. I'm just curious, though. You have over 100 posts written in 3 days, where you've been posting from 7am to about 3pm, including a Saturday. Where are you finding this much time for this, especially on a Saturday, when you could be spending time with your girls? The amount of time you've spent going in circles on this board could have been used to talk with your husband, find a hobby, or just say screw it and bang the co-worker. I'm baffled as to why there are now 40 pages of advice for you, all of which are saying the same things that were said after the first 5 pages. What exactly are you looking for on these boards? Do you have a real plan on how you're going to leave him? You mentioned before about problems selling the house and the possibility of forclosure. Can you actually financially afford to get divorced?
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Old 10-25-2008, 08:21 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,209,082 times
Reputation: 7445
Quote:
Originally Posted by anadyr21 View Post
I don't know why I'm still reading this. It's a complete trainwreck. I'm just curious, though. You have over 100 posts written in 3 days, where you've been posting from 7am to about 3pm, including a Saturday. Where are you finding this much time for this, especially on a Saturday, when you could be spending time with your girls? The amount of time you've spent going in circles on this board could have been used to talk with your husband, find a hobby, or just say screw it and bang the co-worker. I'm baffled as to why there are now 40 pages of advice for you, all of which are saying the same things that were said after the first 5 pages. What exactly are you looking for on these boards? Do you have a real plan on how you're going to leave him? You mentioned before about problems selling the house and the possibility of forclosure. Can you actually financially afford to get divorced?
Silly, silly poster...she does not want to hear our pragmatic advice about responsibilty, finances, relationships...she wants all of us to say "If it feels good, just do it...to hell with all the rest of it!"...

It is so sad to know this woman has a family that loves her and she is still searching for more...little does she know, most people are searching for EXACTLY what she already has
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Old 10-25-2008, 08:22 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,850,310 times
Reputation: 7058
Let's all be loving and hold hands together and sing Christian hymns......that is really what the OP really wants..

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Silly, silly poster...she does not want to hear our pragmatic advice about responsibilty, finances, relationships...she wants all of us to say "If it feels good, just do it...to hell with all the rest of it!"...

It is so sad to know this woman has a family that loves her and she is still searching for more...little does she know, most people are searching for EXACTLY what she already has
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Old 10-25-2008, 08:24 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,209,082 times
Reputation: 7445
Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
Let's all be loving and hold hands together and sing Christian hymns......that is really what the OP really wants..
No, she wants all to sing in unison "Let's Get it on" to celebrate her new relationship with her co worker I'm feeling queasy...
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