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Old 10-25-2008, 05:43 PM
 
1 posts, read 2,316 times
Reputation: 10

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Hello Everyone,

I am wondering if I am a nut case or does anyone else have this problem.

44 years ago I married an abusive man. After a number of times leaving him I finally got away for good. 30 some years ago I married another man and have made a totally new life and family with him. He is a good man and has never even called me a bad name.

Ok here is the problem, my ex husband is in my dreams regularly and daily he will pop into my thoughts. Not in a bad way anymore. The first 10 years I would have bad dreams, now they are about us meeting and how much I still care.

I know you young kids won't understand this at all (I don't either) but I hope there are some old birds that can tell me what is wrong with me. Will he ever be out of my life? I feel I am being disloyal to my husband with my ex husband running through my thoughts day and night.

I can't talk to anyone here as it would hurt them to know this. Everyone in my family hated my ex husband.

What is happening to me? Why is this happening? Any ideas?
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Old 10-25-2008, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Cheshire, UK
306 posts, read 1,159,350 times
Reputation: 219
Maybe you have unfinished business? Maybe talking to a therapist would help.
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Old 10-25-2008, 06:01 PM
Status: "Mistress of finance and foods." (set 19 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
50,014 posts, read 63,347,416 times
Reputation: 92524
I kind of know what you mean. In 1966, I married a man and had 2 children with him. We were married for 12 years. He was a good guy in some ways. Good provider (when you could get him to part with a nickel). He was scary smart, and I loved that he always got my jokes.
The minuses were... he was really cheap, self centered, cared nothing about having a beautiful home, was sort of a pack rat, and socially inept...things that are important to me.
So anyway, I've been married for almost 30 years to a man who is socially ept, kind, considerate and loving, but I still miss the scary smart-get's my sense of humor part. When I see husband #1 occasionally at family events, we always have great conversations, we enjoy making biting comments about whatever is going on at the moment, and I thoroughly enjoy that kind of rapport with him.
I need to remind myself that if I had ever stayed with him I would probably be in a mental institution by now.
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Old 10-25-2008, 06:32 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,584,839 times
Reputation: 24104
I had these dreams for the longest time....then, one night, I had a dream that I was telling him goodbye. I woke up, crying, but I never had a another dream about him.
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Old 10-25-2008, 06:37 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,588 posts, read 17,496,583 times
Reputation: 9462
None of us can help what we dream at night. Although I'm sure the dreams are disconcerting, just let it go, because there may be no real resolution to this. Maybe traumatic events are somehow embedded deeper in our subconscious than other experiences. Nothing is wrong with you. Even though the dreams are "oh, I miss you", it's not even part of your daily reality. I've had all kinds of strange dreams, and I just shrug and wonder at my amazing imagination and memory.
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Old 10-25-2008, 07:56 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,812,823 times
Reputation: 7058
It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety and some guilt about that abusive situation. Can I suggest a counselor? Be careful if you go to one though....I wouldn't want you to waste your cash or retirement fund.

I also really wanted to point out that maybe you discovered in your dream that you were a much more caring person than you thought and it is really a good sign than anything indicative of a mental problem. Maybe you need to make use of your caring ways as a volunteer or at a shelter. You just have much more care and love than you know what to do with, with your ex husband you could shower him with love and care (I'm guessing) and you felt good about that.
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Old 10-25-2008, 07:59 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,194,154 times
Reputation: 7445
Perhaps you have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? A therapist could help. Hang in there...it must have been horrible for you to be haunted still...
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Old 10-25-2008, 08:02 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,812,823 times
Reputation: 7058
well she said her dreams of him were not bad. They were not nightmares. I think her dreams are indicative that she has uncanny abilities to express care and love.
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Old 10-25-2008, 08:08 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,194,154 times
Reputation: 7445
My father had PTSD from Viet Nam and he no longer has the nightmares but will have dreams...just a thought...
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Old 10-25-2008, 08:10 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,812,823 times
Reputation: 7058
Oh right...she could have PTSD. I'd suggest a forensic psychologist because a normal psychologist doesn't diagnose in case you didn't know. What are his symptoms?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
My father had PTSD from Viet Nam and he no longer has the nightmares but will have dreams...just a thought...
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