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Old 10-25-2008, 11:58 PM
 
11 posts, read 23,790 times
Reputation: 10

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Katimae:

After reading what you wrote I feel I am walking down a similar path with some differences.

(What is similar: I was starting to feel better and felt like I may be able to live without him then he suddenly calls again. Everytime we meet, we somehow end up in bed.)

The doesn't call or text again until he wants to see you again a few weekends later. I am afraid I am not as strong as you because I am holding a guilty feeling of saying no to meeting him last night and for some reason it's making me regret saying no. I thought about picking up the phone and calling him and saying that we should meet. I keep wondering...had I met up with him, where would things be right now...

To everyone that say "I am strong": I honestly don't see myself that way at all, in fact I think I am the opposite. Because if I was able to be stronger, I would not let a simple phone call from him have me end up at the same spot I was 4 months ago. He's turned my world upside down again just by calling me once. It's interesting that a person commented that "my weakness for him was talking to him". I think my weakness is him. Is there something wrong with me? How is it possible that someone can that much of an impact on you just by calling you once?

What bothers me a lot right now is that he doesn't know how I feel about him, I want to spill to him my feelings all at once. Would he accept it? Would we be at where we are today if I told him sooner? I hate having the feeling of wondering what may have been. However, there's a high price that comes with telling him.

The sad part is he has absolutely no idea how I feel about him and that I still hold those feelings for him, I haven't expressed them and been hiding it inside of me all this time. I have thought about him everyday in the past 4 months. If I have as much strength as you all give me credit for, I would not be tempted to pick up the phone and wanting to call him...
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Old 10-26-2008, 12:28 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, Az
461 posts, read 1,446,475 times
Reputation: 337
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovehurts621 View Post
Katimae:

After reading what you wrote I feel I am walking down a similar path with some differences.

(What is similar: I was starting to feel better and felt like I may be able to live without him then he suddenly calls again. Everytime we meet, we somehow end up in bed.)

The doesn't call or text again until he wants to see you again a few weekends later. I am afraid I am not as strong as you because I am holding a guilty feeling of saying no to meeting him last night and for some reason it's making me regret saying no. I thought about picking up the phone and calling him and saying that we should meet. I keep wondering...had I met up with him, where would things be right now...

To everyone that say "I am strong": I honestly don't see myself that way at all, in fact I think I am the opposite. Because if I was able to be stronger, I would not let a simple phone call from him have me end up at the same spot I was 4 months ago. He's turned my world upside down again just by calling me once. It's interesting that a person commented that "my weakness for him was talking to him". I think my weakness is him. Is there something wrong with me? How is it possible that someone can that much of an impact on you just by calling you once?

What bothers me a lot right now is that he doesn't know how I feel about him, I want to spill to him my feelings all at once. Would he accept it? Would we be at where we are today if I told him sooner? I hate having the feeling of wondering what may have been. However, there's a high price that comes with telling him.

The sad part is he has absolutely no idea how I feel about him and that I still hold those feelings for him, I haven't expressed them and been hiding it inside of me all this time. I have thought about him everyday in the past 4 months. If I have as much strength as you all give me credit for, I would not be tempted to pick up the phone and wanting to call him...
I know exactly what you are going through. Learn from my experience: DO NOT see him. I found it's SO much harder to say no in person. It took me almost a year before I could see him without wanting to go home with him. He was also my first love and we had a lot of common friends and lived in a small city, so it was really hard to avoid him.

If there are things you really feel you need to tell him, do it, but do it over the phone or email. If you do it in person, you'll end up in bed. Chances are he knows how you feel. I'm sure you told him with actions if not words. If I were you I'd just let it go. I just keep thinking if you tell him how you feel about him he'll use it to get more sex or it will just be uncomfortable because he doesn't feel the same. I honstly don't think telling him will magically make it a great relationship, but then again, I don't know either of you.

As far as being strong goes, you ARE! If you were not tempted to call him it wouldn't take strength to stop yourself. You are strong and smart, you recognized that this isn't working for you and you did something about it.

You should try to do stuff to take your mind off him. Have some fun, go out with your friends, take a class and learn something new (I took a painting class with a really hot male model, I didn't think about him for at least 2 hours a week) Work on your happiness and one day you'll find yourself looking forward to going out with a new guy!
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Old 10-26-2008, 01:15 AM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,807 posts, read 7,554,609 times
Reputation: 3294
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katimae View Post
I know exactly what you are going through. Learn from my experience: DO NOT see him. I found it's SO much harder to say no in person. It took me almost a year before I could see him without wanting to go home with him. He was also my first love and we had a lot of common friends and lived in a small city, so it was really hard to avoid him.

If there are things you really feel you need to tell him, do it, but do it over the phone or email. If you do it in person, you'll end up in bed. Chances are he knows how you feel. I'm sure you told him with actions if not words. If I were you I'd just let it go. I just keep thinking if you tell him how you feel about him he'll use it to get more sex or it will just be uncomfortable because he doesn't feel the same. I honstly don't think telling him will magically make it a great relationship, but then again, I don't know either of you.

As far as being strong goes, you ARE! If you were not tempted to call him it wouldn't take strength to stop yourself. You are strong and smart, you recognized that this isn't working for you and you did something about it.

You should try to do stuff to take your mind off him. Have some fun, go out with your friends, take a class and learn something new (I took a painting class with a really hot male model, I didn't think about him for at least 2 hours a week) Work on your happiness and one day you'll find yourself looking forward to going out with a new guy!
Great post...and I agree completely that you ARE strong! It takes so much strength to not text or call and put your heart on your sleeve...you're thinking "what if this is the one and I'm making the biggest mistake of my life", right? If it is meant to be and if he truly loves you, he'll do a whole lot more than call you, he'll go to great measures to prove his love and win you back. You WILL get through this, and find happiness in your heart once again.
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Old 10-26-2008, 01:36 AM
 
11 posts, read 23,790 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmycat View Post
Great post...and I agree completely that you ARE strong! It takes so much strength to not text or call and put your heart on your sleeve...you're thinking "what if this is the one and I'm making the biggest mistake of my life", right? If it is meant to be and if he truly loves you, he'll do a whole lot more than call you, he'll go to great measures to prove his love and win you back. You WILL get through this, and find happiness in your heart once again.
It's sad but true...I have worn out James Blunt's "Goodbye my lover", "you're beautiful" and A Fine Frenzy's "Almost Lover" these past few months. Listening to these songs have helped with moving on but on the flip side, memories rushes back each time the songs come on.

Last night a few hours after we spoke on the phone, he texted me asking if I wanted to see him.

He texted: "Are you out?"

I text back: "I was out earlier but not anymore".

His text: "So you are home now?"

my reply text( I don't know why but I was trying to say as little as possible): "Yes"

He texted: "Too bad"

my text: I did not write back then he texted again saying: "Do you want to stop by and talk?"

my text: "I can't, sorry"

his text: "Ok"

his text again: "want me to come by then?"

my text: "I am in bed already". (I lied to him, I was not in bed.)

his last text: "ok".

I did not write anything back and we haven't communicated ever since.

I am trying so hard to fight the urge of texting him back. I also feel terrible for lying to him. I am wanting to text him as I am typing this out. I don't know if I should.
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Old 10-26-2008, 02:11 AM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,807 posts, read 7,554,609 times
Reputation: 3294
Don't do it!!! Look at the layout here: it's Saturday night, he's probably been out having a few drinks, and it's "hook-up" time...he's definitely looking for more than a conversation. If your hormones are anything like mine, you'll let the love you still feel take over and you'll be ripping off his pants in no time...!
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Old 10-26-2008, 02:13 AM
 
1,300 posts, read 2,566,233 times
Reputation: 1295
move on.
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Old 10-26-2008, 07:09 AM
 
Location: from houstoner to bostoner to new yorker to new jerseyite ;)
4,084 posts, read 12,638,709 times
Reputation: 1973
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovehurts621 View Post
Katimae:

After reading what you wrote I feel I am walking down a similar path with some differences.

(What is similar: I was starting to feel better and felt like I may be able to live without him then he suddenly calls again. Everytime we meet, we somehow end up in bed.)

The doesn't call or text again until he wants to see you again a few weekends later. I am afraid I am not as strong as you because I am holding a guilty feeling of saying no to meeting him last night and for some reason it's making me regret saying no. I thought about picking up the phone and calling him and saying that we should meet. I keep wondering...had I met up with him, where would things be right now...

To everyone that say "I am strong": I honestly don't see myself that way at all, in fact I think I am the opposite. Because if I was able to be stronger, I would not let a simple phone call from him have me end up at the same spot I was 4 months ago. He's turned my world upside down again just by calling me once. It's interesting that a person commented that "my weakness for him was talking to him". I think my weakness is him. Is there something wrong with me? How is it possible that someone can that much of an impact on you just by calling you once?

What bothers me a lot right now is that he doesn't know how I feel about him, I want to spill to him my feelings all at once. Would he accept it? Would we be at where we are today if I told him sooner? I hate having the feeling of wondering what may have been. However, there's a high price that comes with telling him.

The sad part is he has absolutely no idea how I feel about him and that I still hold those feelings for him, I haven't expressed them and been hiding it inside of me all this time. I have thought about him everyday in the past 4 months. If I have as much strength as you all give me credit for, I would not be tempted to pick up the phone and wanting to call him...
So he only calls you when he wants to hook up?
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Old 10-26-2008, 07:25 AM
 
Location: ✶✶✶✶
15,218 posts, read 30,418,861 times
Reputation: 10847
Try going out with somebody who isn't your ex. That's probably the first step out of this circle you seem to be going in.

No one person is the end-all-be-all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by houstoner
So he only calls you when he wants to hook up?
That's what it sounds like to me.

You're a booty call at this point and if you keep indulging it, nothing is going to progress on any level. He's not interested in you beyond that, or he'd stay in touch at times when he's not looking to get laid.
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Old 10-26-2008, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Orlando
8,274 posts, read 12,812,167 times
Reputation: 4136
Your feelings indicate your potential. Imagine what the potential is if you find someone that will reciprocate those feelings. You deserve to receive the feelings you give. This one will be in all likelihood no change. Move forward and don't think about the should haves, could haves, all is in order. move on. You will find talking to him won't be an issue in time to come. Now it will be tempting to fall back into familiar ground, but it won't yield better results... I've tried more than once... it just doesnt work.. I wish it would but the whole break up is the clue open the doors to another. there is so much better to come. btw your healing progress isnt gone. you just have some more to go.
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Old 10-26-2008, 09:04 AM
 
566 posts, read 1,102,322 times
Reputation: 709
Long long time ago I did that. Listened to my heart. For I really made myself believe this would work out. He was like an addiction, I think.
Then we began to talk and for the first time ever I clearly saw him as someone I didn't really enjoy "talking" to at all. he didnt really HEAR what I was saying. He would fidget. Look around. Change the subject.
I wanted to punch him one in the face. Shake him by the shoulders and say "wake up dummy."
That was the sign. He was no longer what I craved or thought I needed. Just trying to get a
conversation going was too much work and trouble.
We did not have any type of real connection after that. whew. Good luck with your dilemma.
I hope you find the answer soon.
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