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Old 10-25-2008, 10:50 PM
 
139 posts, read 722,724 times
Reputation: 105

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How do you help a friend through a painful breakup? I have a friend, actually a former teenage BF from 20 years ago (wow that's a long time ) whom I'm still friends with. I usually end up in a position to somehow nurse him through his break up periods. And then when he finds a new GF he gets occupied and we lose touch... until the next break up.

However I never know what to say to him other than, "She was probably an idiot anyway, don't waste your time getting upset over her, move on, consider looking for someone else." That comes across as crass and not empathetic to his pain, but frankly it's the only thing I can think of to tell him... just to pick himself up and move on. What good does sitting around feeling weepy do?

Instead he just wallows in misery and sadness over losing this supposedly fantastic woman, who was "fantastic" enough to dump him, which is pretty clear evidence that she was not "fantastic" for him at all.

So what do you say or do for a friend who is broken hearted?? Do you patiently listen to their wallowing or tell them to snap out of it?
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Old 10-25-2008, 10:59 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,822,070 times
Reputation: 7058
Don't call him an idiot. Say that she was toxic and just try to understand the pain your best friend is in..... tell him he knows better now and should not be with toxic people like her ever again in the future... in the mean time take him out shopping, or to sporting events to distract him....
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Old 10-25-2008, 11:12 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, Az
461 posts, read 1,446,705 times
Reputation: 337
Quote:
Originally Posted by islandmommy View Post
How do you help a friend through a painful breakup? I have a friend, actually a former teenage BF from 20 years ago (wow that's a long time ) whom I'm still friends with. I usually end up in a position to somehow nurse him through his break up periods. And then when he finds a new GF he gets occupied and we lose touch... until the next break up.

However I never know what to say to him other than, "She was probably an idiot anyway, don't waste your time getting upset over her, move on, consider looking for someone else." That comes across as crass and not empathetic to his pain, but frankly it's the only thing I can think of to tell him... just to pick himself up and move on. What good does sitting around feeling weepy do?

Instead he just wallows in misery and sadness over losing this supposedly fantastic woman, who was "fantastic" enough to dump him, which is pretty clear evidence that she was not "fantastic" for him at all.

So what do you say or do for a friend who is broken hearted?? Do you patiently listen to their wallowing or tell them to snap out of it?
I would say "I know it hurts, it's always hard to lose someone you care about, but you will get over it and one day meet the perfect person for you who will appreciate you for who you are" then give him chocolate
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Old 10-25-2008, 11:13 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,163 posts, read 4,330,753 times
Reputation: 2581
Be patient. I'm amazed that some of my friends are still my friends after all the crying I did after every difficult breakup. Lucky for me, I have very patient understanding friends, none of whom ever told me to "snap out of it". They knew how much pain I was in and would have done anything to take the pain away if they could, but since all they could do was listen and be sympathetic, that's what they did and I love them all for it.

For me, getting over break ups is a very slow, painful process and having friends to lean on helps so much. One co-worker (non-friend) told me, less than two weeks after my ex-fiance called off our wedding, to "just get over it and move on already". After two weeks, are you kidding? I thought that was very insensitive.

Depending on the seriousness of the broken relationship, for the most part I'd say be understanding, and a shoulder to lean on and don't be too harsh. Your friend will move on in his own time and telling him to snap out of it too soon, won't get him to snap out of it any sooner.
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Old 10-25-2008, 11:17 PM
 
Location: Hot Springs, AR
5,612 posts, read 15,074,751 times
Reputation: 3787
Just tell him that is one woman closer to meeting the girl of his dreams and the girl he just broke up with was practice so he didin't do the things that will turn-off his dream girl.
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Old 10-25-2008, 11:18 PM
 
Location: southern california
61,289 posts, read 87,129,640 times
Reputation: 55550
its will be hell for awhile
you are there for them
it will get better
counseling and relationship 12 step programs can help immensely for
those with chronic relationship problems if that is the case
excercise is a great aid in overcoming a broken heart
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Old 10-25-2008, 11:21 PM
 
25,157 posts, read 53,822,070 times
Reputation: 7058
I had no idea there was a 12 step program for relationships....sounds interesting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
its will be hell for awhile
you are there for them
it will get better
counsoling and relationship 12 step programs can help immensely for
those with chronic relationship problems if that is the case
excercise is a great aid in overcoming a broken heart
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Old 10-25-2008, 11:25 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,197,919 times
Reputation: 7445
Be careful...whenever I have been in your situation I always do my best to help and then the couple ends up getting back together...not good.
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Old 10-25-2008, 11:28 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, Az
461 posts, read 1,446,705 times
Reputation: 337
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
Be careful...whenever I have been in your situation I always do my best to help and then the couple ends up getting back together...not good.
I think we all learn the hard way not to trash the x... disaster!
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Old 10-25-2008, 11:29 PM
 
13,783 posts, read 26,197,919 times
Reputation: 7445
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katimae View Post
I think we all learn the hard way not to trash the x... disaster!
Trash or not I have noticed my friends ex always comes back and I get the crap list because I was her friend during her time of need...I guess they always figure I know too much...
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