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I am 24 going on 25 and I'm starting to believe that love just won't ever happen to me. I look around and all of my friends and peers are in serious relationships and it seems like I'm the only one that is single, and while being alone doesn't scare me because I am comfortable with myself, the thought of never experiencing true love does scare me.
Consider yourself lucky that you haven't felt the pain of losing someone that you hold so close to you...
I'm 28, and single as well. Age doesn't really matter when it comes to love... it will happen when it is meant to happen. Don't even worry about it... just be thankful.
Honestly when I met my wife (separated at the moment) for the first time and started dating I wasn't looking for a relationship. When a relationships starts for me it was when I was not looking.
My brother was in his late 30s when he met his wife. He was married for the first time at 39. Point being relationships and love does not follow anyone's schedule except its own. You will know when it happens. And it will be great when it happens.
I'm almost 26, I don't even think I believe in love of the romantic variety. I believe in it between parents and children. I'm just not sold on the idea that love is more than a chemical reaction in the brain, lasting about 18 months in most studies, then turning into familiarity / friendship. That's one reason I'm all for short-term relationships, you get the most excitement with the least downside
Well I guess I should rephrase myself then. I have been in love twice and those situations just turned out bad, so much so that I question whether I even deserve to be loved.
Yeah that's good advice. You don't want to get into the whole looking at your friends nonsense. Honestly I used to think whenever one of my guy friends had a hot girl, wow, his life is so good, I sure wish I had a hot girlfriend! But if you hang around enough and see, well, at least when I do, I always end up happy I'm single. I'm not the most patient or tolerant person, and most people are just annoying, so their girlfriends come across as needy and a waste of a lot of time. Usually makes me pretty happy I'm single no matter what she looks like, haha.
Everything looks better from afar, though, it's the whole "grass is greener on the other side" kind of thing. Everyone's life seems more ideal for some reason when we look at it. Sometimes I get frustrated if things aren't going as fast as I planned, compared to some non-existent ideal I have in my head, so I don't have perspective to realize just how good I have things. Every once in a while someone breaks you out of that, like a friend will say, "Wow, I really wish I had your life, you're so lucky!" or "You really have accomplished a lot in the last few years, you work so hard, that's great!" In my head I'm just thinking, "Eh, I could have worked harder, there was that time where for a week I just relaxed and didn't do anything," but they are seeing a more objective picture than you are, since they only see results and don't see all of your little failures and weak moments, haha. Same with relationships. From afar it always tends to look more ideal than it really is.
darn good post. You've actually expressed some of my thoughts and views about dating and being single.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JonathanLB
Yeah that's good advice. You don't want to get into the whole looking at your friends nonsense. Honestly I used to think whenever one of my guy friends had a hot girl, wow, his life is so good, I sure wish I had a hot girlfriend! But if you hang around enough and see, well, at least when I do, I always end up happy I'm single. I'm not the most patient or tolerant person, and most people are just annoying, so their girlfriends come across as needy and a waste of a lot of time. Usually makes me pretty happy I'm single no matter what she looks like, haha.
Everything looks better from afar, though, it's the whole "grass is greener on the other side" kind of thing. Everyone's life seems more ideal for some reason when we look at it. Sometimes I get frustrated if things aren't going as fast as I planned, compared to some non-existent ideal I have in my head, so I don't have perspective to realize just how good I have things. Every once in a while someone breaks you out of that, like a friend will say, "Wow, I really wish I had your life, you're so lucky!" or "You really have accomplished a lot in the last few years, you work so hard, that's great!" In my head I'm just thinking, "Eh, I could have worked harder, there was that time where for a week I just relaxed and didn't do anything," but they are seeing a more objective picture than you are, since they only see results and don't see all of your little failures and weak moments, haha. Same with relationships. From afar it always tends to look more ideal than it really is.
I'm 27, knocking on 28 soon enough, and have had the fortunate and unfortunate experience of knowing what love is like. And what it is like to lose.
I have been truly in love with 2 persons in my life, one marriage. But what I never anticipated was finding out what kind of mismatch you can experience as a mid-20-something. Had I known about the problems I am facing now about 3.5 yrs ago, I would have made very different decisions. Life lessons are truly amazing.
When you're not looking for it, it will cross your path. I read an article once that explained each person has about 6 "potentials" out there - people who we are truly compatitable with on all levels. I have been blessed to have met some of my own and will know what it is like in the future should I meet another. The overwhelming desire to move mountains for another person brought on by just the simple emotion of love (not lust, mind you) is truly incredible. Just have to hope the timing is right for both parties.
As a mid-20's.. you're still evolving and changing. So is any potential partner for you at this age. You might be lucky enough to meet someone that you can evolve with together at this time, but most likely not. Meaning... as you grow and mature, who you are now is not who you will be 2 yrs from now. That is the root of the problem of my current marriage. We're not the same people we were 4 yrs ago and we've evolved to different paths. No telling if we can make this thing work or not at this point... My best advice is to keep your faith in that of fate. The world works itself out, and the point you are at in your life right now is not where you'll be 1, 2, 3, or 5 yrs from now.
That's also very true. Sometimes it makes you very smart to know you're not smart enough yet to do certain things Even if for some reason I thought marriage was a great idea, which I don't, I am still smart enough to know I'm too young for that to be a good idea. It's like anything. I want to direct a feature film, but I want to have my feature turn out really good. The best decision I can make is an honest assessment of whether I'm ready to do that, more than just, "Gee that'd be fun, I have the money, I have a script, let's go shoot it!" Better to put something off longer if you can get it right, in my opinion.
I guess people would call me cynical, can't say I disagree, but I don't want to be in any relationship where I somehow emotionally feel it's in my best interest to go out of my way to do everything for someone else. That's not my personality. It's one thing to support another person, be there for them, etc. It's another to throw logic out the window and pretend it doesn't exist just because of this butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling you have. Silly, I'm sorry. It's one of nature's strongest ways to control you -- biology wants you to reproduce. If it can trick you into feeling this "amazing" feeling of "love" for someone else, so you'd do anything for them, that's in the best interest of evolution and nature. It's unfortunately in your own worst interest, as an individual. A good book on that type of subject is "The Selfish Gene," by Richard Dawkins. Your body isn't always on your side, unfortunately, your genes may have different ideas of what's important than your mind does. I believe the truly complete, strong individual has the ability to overcome the humble origins of his/her biology and transcend nature, because really you should be in control of your body not the other way around. That's why I distrust the idea of love. It's advantageous from an evolutionary standpoint but anything that increases your likelihood of being self-sacrificing decreases your efficiency as an individual and your ability to realize your own goals. I'd rather have a more rational view of a relationship, even though it may sound more "boring," I'd rather it be a list of pros and cons and it turns out that spending time with this person has a lot more pros than cons. Too many times I see bad relationships justified in the name of "love," because the cons clearly outweigh the pros, but the person objects, "But I'm in love!" That irrational attachment is damaging.
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