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Old 10-28-2008, 05:59 PM
 
1,818 posts, read 3,087,711 times
Reputation: 229

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Quote:
Originally Posted by optiflex View Post
I love how you somehow turned this on him. She's the one who went after him through the friend. He's the one who said, not now.

So many of you women are blinded against men like this.

I'm shocked that's your take on this, really. She's all foolish schoolgirl crushed on him. Too insecure to even have a face to face discussion with him, and somehow that's all his fault.
I think you and I got a totally different read on the original post.
When her friend told him that her friend was friend, he said "That is totally Awesome"!!! It is just about relationships, we all handle things differently.
BTW I'm not "blinded against men", I love my husband very much and think most men in general are great
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Old 10-28-2008, 06:12 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,047,758 times
Reputation: 22694
Quote:
Originally Posted by braveandcrazy View Post
Hi all, I'm new here and I guess I am looking for a little advice . I'm 43 (definately not a couger ) and a there is a certain guy I have feelings for and his 26 (17 yrs difference..OMG!!) When I first me him I didn't know how old he was until a work collegue told me, but before knowing this I was extremely attracted to him (still am). I've noticed him looking at me alot at work and then a few months ago, a friend of mine told him that I liked him (with my permission) , and his response to my friend was "Wow, Awesome".
The next day he went into my friend and asked her how seriouse was it, and she told him its not a joke. My friend said to him do you want me to get her to ring you and he said yes. So the next day I called him because I just had to get it out of my system. I asked him what he thought about what my friend told him ( as I didn't have the courage to tell him myself due to how old I am) and he told me everything is a bit full on at the moment, that he is in an off and on relationship and still having issues with his ex (he has two small children to her and it wasn't a good relationship apparently), he said he would have to clear up a few things before he started anything new. (I took that as a brush off) So I said to him thats fine, at least its out in the open now. I wished him a good afternoon and told him I would see him around, he thanked me for the call.
Two weeks after that call he broke off the relationship with the on and off girlfriend.
He only comes in once a week too work and the other day he looked into my office and just gazed at me! and I gazed back at him (basically we locked eyes) and he did not say anything then left.
I have been picking up a number of signs that he may like me, so with that gaze I thought I would send him a text regarding the look he gave me and if there was something he wanted to say, and he responded saying he was confused about the look I was talking about and he said he hoped it wasn't maliciouse, anyway I replied to him no, it was kinda of a look that you maybe attraced to me (dumb response from me) anyway he didn't reply to it. The next day I sent him my final text telling him I was a little emabarressed by the previouse days message I sent him and I hoped it didn't make him feel awkward and that I obviously misread the situation, he didn't respond to that either.
In the initial stages I could definately see signs that he may like me but he would not have known how old I was, now I think he may know due to the non response from my messages. ( I have been told that I do look alot younger than 43).
Since then he has said hi and has asked how I am and I'll respond with a hi back, but I am now trying to not look at him when he comes into work anymore, because it kills me because I can't stop thinking about him.
This has never happened to me before and I would really appreciate some good old fashioned honest advice. Thanks
You seem to be confused because of the age issue. If I were you I'd just forget about the age difference and approach him in the same way as I would if he and I were the same age. You seem very self conscious about this because of the age difference and it is making you act awkward and goofy. Just relax about it and start flirting with him and see what comes of it.

I'd definitely lay off the texts and calls though. Most men like to be the one doing the pursuing. He knows you like him and if you start flirting with him a bit when he comes in you will give him all the opportunity in the world to make the next move. If he is not interested, well, there is nothing you can do about it. Most likely it has nothing to do with your age difference. Unfortunately, there are some instances where people we are attracted to are not attracted to us! If that is the case, resign yourself to think of him only as a friend and move on with your life.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 10-28-2008, 06:41 PM
 
Location: Austin
4,103 posts, read 7,009,371 times
Reputation: 6743
I'd just forget about it. He doesn't seem interested and if you keep texting, calling, emailing or whatever you will come off as a desperate person.
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Old 10-28-2008, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Gary, WV & Springfield, ME
5,826 posts, read 9,587,245 times
Reputation: 17323
I am 5'13 and my husband was 5'6. If you let insignificant things rule you, you may never find true happiness and marital bliss. Look at it this way.,,. when you are old and grey, he'll still be young enough to push your wheelchair for you. That'll save some serious money on health care and keep him exercised, too.

Be very clear that you prefer younger men and that when he turns 50, you just might be tempted to trade him in on two 25-year-olds.
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Old 10-28-2008, 08:32 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,588 posts, read 17,511,932 times
Reputation: 9462
To the OP, although I can't imagine being attracted to a guy so much younger, you need to back off and not text him, call him, or show him any other special attention. It doesn't seem like this got off to a great start. You may never know if it's your age or some other oddity that may have turned him off, so please try to let it go and get on with your life.
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Old 10-30-2008, 01:08 AM
 
6 posts, read 30,368 times
Reputation: 17
Hi again,
Thankyou to everyone for your opinions on my issue, I appreciate all the feedback! Yes I guess I am selfconsciouse of the age difference, because this has never happened to me before. In the early stages I was picking up signs from him that he was attracted to me, no doubt about it, then I started feeling the same way. Someone on the forum mentioned that he could be intimidated by my age and I guess I'm a little intimated by his! Its not really "conventional"..lol
He came into work yesterday and in the morning he said hi and asked how I am, and in the afternoon he made some small talk with me which was nice. He has two small children (single dad) and I find him very mature for his age! Yes I am trying to forget about him and move on, trying that hard it makes me dizzy..lol!
I have been quiet around him and I pick up that he is quite shy. I haven't pushed the issue with him I wouldn't dare, at the end of the day I would like to keep my dignity.
I guess there really is no answer to it only to develope a general friendship I guess. I'm not ready for anything seriouse anyway at the moment.
I'm working on trying to relax when his around, and yes I have felt like a love sick teenager..ridiculouse I know! But it is what it is!
Thanks again to everyone, all of your opinions have given me food for thought!
Cheers!
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Old 10-30-2008, 02:39 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,044 posts, read 24,043,494 times
Reputation: 5182
I don't think the age difference is the end of the world. But I wouldn't approach him again, you've tried twice now and any more might get you in trouble (you know, sexual harassment in the workplace, better safe than sorry).
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Old 10-30-2008, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Norfolk, Va (unfortunately)
111 posts, read 353,272 times
Reputation: 88
I really don't think age is as big of a deal as some people make it out to be. I'm 20, and my boyfriend is 38. I just don't get along very well with people my age. Most people my age like late nights, and partying. I like oldies music from the 60's; quiet night's with a good book, movie, tv show, or good company; quiet sophisticated restaurants, and a few good drinks over dinner with intelligent company. I've said this before in other, similar threads, because it's true. Compatibility has more to do with common interests and values than superficial differences such as age, race, or height, or even money.
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Old 10-30-2008, 02:56 PM
miu
 
Location: MA/NH
17,764 posts, read 40,065,026 times
Reputation: 18068
Well, so you have a crush on a guy that is 17 years younger than you. It seems to be only a physical attraction as the two of you haven't had any real conversations or interactions with each other. And he finds you physically attractive back...

I guess it all depends on what you want out of a being with him. Would a fling be enough for you? Or are you looking for a love connection and a long term relationship? I think that he's interested in a fling, but so far, I don't see any indication that it could turn into anything serious or long term. Plus factor in that he's only just finally broken up with a girlfriend, so again it's an indication that he only wants rebound sex from you. So go for it as long as you keep love out of it and it doesn't hurt your standing at work...

My age gap relationship is bigger than yours at 23 years, however we had six months of being just best friends and having many common interests and life philosophies. It didn't start off as a physical infatuation, but a meeting of kindred spirits.
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Old 10-31-2008, 02:45 AM
 
6 posts, read 30,368 times
Reputation: 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by miu View Post
Well, so you have a crush on a guy that is 17 years younger than you. It seems to be only a physical attraction as the two of you haven't had any real conversations or interactions with each other. And he finds you physically attractive back...

I guess it all depends on what you want out of a being with him. Would a fling be enough for you? Or are you looking for a love connection and a long term relationship? I think that he's interested in a fling, but so far, I don't see any indication that it could turn into anything serious or long term. Plus factor in that he's only just finally broken up with a girlfriend, so again it's an indication that he only wants rebound sex from you. So go for it as long as you keep love out of it and it doesn't hurt your standing at work...

My age gap relationship is bigger than yours at 23 years, however we had six months of being just best friends and having many common interests and life philosophies. It didn't start off as a physical infatuation, but a meeting of kindred spirits.
Hi MIU,

You know, I have thought about whether I would want a fling or a longterm relationship, and I don't think I would be ready for either, I'm not really a fling person but at this stage in my life I wouldn't want to commit to someone else to quickly, I guess I would just like to get to know him more.

It might surprise you but I briefly met this same guy 18 months prior. Funny enough he came to do some maintenance work with another guy at the place I used to live. It was one glance from him then I experienced a very strange feeling, it was't bad and it wasn't good, it was just this feeling. He worked at the same company (still does) that I am working for now! Hows that for a coincidence

My job is very important to me and that is why I need to keep a lid on things and choose to write to forums such as this one to try and get some kind of clarity and I wouldn't want his job to be effected either.

Same as you, it feels something like a connection. It wasn't physical attraction when I first met him, its just this feeling I get when his around
I can't really explain it His no Brad Pitt or Orlando Bloom, but he is someone I am really attracted to.

I must admit I was quietly pleased when he broke off from the other girl
but I also feel for her too, but that was his decision to make. Weather it had anything to do with me or not I really don't know.


Thanks again everyone for replying to my post
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