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Old 10-28-2008, 03:47 AM
 
6 posts, read 30,318 times
Reputation: 17

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Hi all, I'm new here and I guess I am looking for a little advice . I'm 43 (definately not a couger ) and a there is a certain guy I have feelings for and his 26 (17 yrs difference..OMG!!) When I first me him I didn't know how old he was until a work collegue told me, but before knowing this I was extremely attracted to him (still am). I've noticed him looking at me alot at work and then a few months ago, a friend of mine told him that I liked him (with my permission) , and his response to my friend was "Wow, Awesome".
The next day he went into my friend and asked her how seriouse was it, and she told him its not a joke. My friend said to him do you want me to get her to ring you and he said yes. So the next day I called him because I just had to get it out of my system. I asked him what he thought about what my friend told him ( as I didn't have the courage to tell him myself due to how old I am) and he told me everything is a bit full on at the moment, that he is in an off and on relationship and still having issues with his ex (he has two small children to her and it wasn't a good relationship apparently), he said he would have to clear up a few things before he started anything new. (I took that as a brush off) So I said to him thats fine, at least its out in the open now. I wished him a good afternoon and told him I would see him around, he thanked me for the call.
Two weeks after that call he broke off the relationship with the on and off girlfriend.
He only comes in once a week too work and the other day he looked into my office and just gazed at me! and I gazed back at him (basically we locked eyes) and he did not say anything then left.
I have been picking up a number of signs that he may like me, so with that gaze I thought I would send him a text regarding the look he gave me and if there was something he wanted to say, and he responded saying he was confused about the look I was talking about and he said he hoped it wasn't maliciouse, anyway I replied to him no, it was kinda of a look that you maybe attraced to me (dumb response from me) anyway he didn't reply to it. The next day I sent him my final text telling him I was a little emabarressed by the previouse days message I sent him and I hoped it didn't make him feel awkward and that I obviously misread the situation, he didn't respond to that either.
In the initial stages I could definately see signs that he may like me but he would not have known how old I was, now I think he may know due to the non response from my messages. ( I have been told that I do look alot younger than 43).
Since then he has said hi and has asked how I am and I'll respond with a hi back, but I am now trying to not look at him when he comes into work anymore, because it kills me because I can't stop thinking about him.
This has never happened to me before and I would really appreciate some good old fashioned honest advice. Thanks
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Old 10-28-2008, 06:06 AM
 
5,806 posts, read 11,824,327 times
Reputation: 4661
You seem to be the one chasing him and he doesn't seem (well, reading your testimony) thaty much interested, let alone passionate.
Beware! Last summer, I was in the same situation (I'm a 53 man and I had a crush on a 19-year younger female) and it quickly tyrned sour, basically the woman was offensed that I dare propose her (it's true that she saw me with a female companion, but I made it clear to her that there was nothing anymore between that friend and I-which is the truth-, but she chose to ignore it).
I suffered a lot because I had hoped at least for a date with her, -she had complained that men were not romantic anymore and she craved for a romance with a nice bloke, so I thought "poor girl, so pretty and guys are playing rough games with her", I just melted for her.
But she proved by her answer (MSN) that she was only a heartless ***** and after I remembered her telling us that SHE was the one wo dropped the guys, 'cos Mylady was never satisfied with any of them...
So; "Braveandcrazy"(wow!) beware : this guy seems to be a "ladies'man" and may be playing hard to get....
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Old 10-28-2008, 06:16 AM
 
Location: Incognito
7,005 posts, read 21,260,350 times
Reputation: 5512
As far as I am concerned, age is just a number. Go out there and have some clean fun and if something develops then great.
If the world's heaviest man founf love, so can you!
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Old 10-28-2008, 06:34 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,689,601 times
Reputation: 536
I'll confess I didn't read all that, but if two adults are interested in each other mutually, its really up to them, and no one else.
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Old 10-28-2008, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Oxford, OH
1,461 posts, read 3,640,614 times
Reputation: 834
Well age is just a number when you are in the middle of your life. I have just been helping a gal who lost her husband this year. She is 62 and he was 85. When you are at either end it is very difficult because the physical differences just naturally catch up with you. They were married 13 years and the first few I think were really great. It does matter slightly with the person's health but reality is reality.
I've always thought about ten years is a good limit. The other issue is you get into just what era you were born in. My husband is seven years older than I am. At least we remember the same music and had similar expericences growing up. It really does make a difference.
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Old 10-28-2008, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Somewhere out there...
3,663 posts, read 8,634,482 times
Reputation: 3750
Quote:
Originally Posted by braveandcrazy View Post
Hi all, I'm new here and I guess I am looking for a little advice . I'm 43 (definately not a couger ) and a there is a certain guy I have feelings for and his 26 (17 yrs difference..OMG!!) When I first me him I didn't know how old he was until a work collegue told me, but before knowing this I was extremely attracted to him (still am). I've noticed him looking at me alot at work and then a few months ago, a friend of mine told him that I liked him (with my permission) , and his response to my friend was "Wow, Awesome".
The next day he went into my friend and asked her how seriouse was it, and she told him its not a joke. My friend said to him do you want me to get her to ring you and he said yes. So the next day I called him because I just had to get it out of my system. I asked him what he thought about what my friend told him ( as I didn't have the courage to tell him myself due to how old I am) and he told me everything is a bit full on at the moment, that he is in an off and on relationship and still having issues with his ex (he has two small children to her and it wasn't a good relationship apparently), he said he would have to clear up a few things before he started anything new. (I took that as a brush off) So I said to him thats fine, at least its out in the open now. I wished him a good afternoon and told him I would see him around, he thanked me for the call.
Two weeks after that call he broke off the relationship with the on and off girlfriend.
He only comes in once a week too work and the other day he looked into my office and just gazed at me! and I gazed back at him (basically we locked eyes) and he did not say anything then left.
I have been picking up a number of signs that he may like me, so with that gaze I thought I would send him a text regarding the look he gave me and if there was something he wanted to say, and he responded saying he was confused about the look I was talking about and he said he hoped it wasn't maliciouse, anyway I replied to him no, it was kinda of a look that you maybe attraced to me (dumb response from me) anyway he didn't reply to it. The next day I sent him my final text telling him I was a little emabarressed by the previouse days message I sent him and I hoped it didn't make him feel awkward and that I obviously misread the situation, he didn't respond to that either.
In the initial stages I could definately see signs that he may like me but he would not have known how old I was, now I think he may know due to the non response from my messages. ( I have been told that I do look alot younger than 43).
Since then he has said hi and has asked how I am and I'll respond with a hi back, but I am now trying to not look at him when he comes into work anymore, because it kills me because I can't stop thinking about him.
This has never happened to me before and I would really appreciate some good old fashioned honest advice. Thanks
I am 43 and my daughter is 26. OMG
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Old 10-28-2008, 06:48 AM
 
1,577 posts, read 3,689,601 times
Reputation: 536
Quote:
Originally Posted by asitshouldbe View Post
I am 43 and my daughter is 26. OMG
So? Its two unrelated adults. They can legally do whatever they want.

And why should total strangers care what other total strangers do thats legal? It has no impact on their real lives, so who cares?
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Old 10-28-2008, 07:02 AM
 
71 posts, read 227,642 times
Reputation: 79
Well you have already put yourself out there.
So there is not much more you can do.Its in his court.
Plus when you said 'In the initial stages I could definately see signs
that he may like me but he would not have known how old I was,
now I think he may know due to the non response from my messages'.
I think this is probably true.
You must remember he is a much younger age than you and this will probably
be much harder for him to deal with this social stigma than you.His parents and friends
will probably be much less excepting than yours.I would normally say if your both crazily in love,
go for it.You will get over these issues.But in this case you only stated 'you have feelings'
and he hasn't responded so I think its best for him and you both to move on.
You sound genuine,and I'm sorry he can't get over these issues.But I'm sure an attractive lady
like yourself ,if you keep putting yourself out there will find someone special.Good luck.
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Old 10-28-2008, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Salem, Oregon
22 posts, read 95,566 times
Reputation: 51
I was 54 when I met my ex. We got married and enjoyed 6 1/2 years. Then she said I didn't make enough money and is living in a house costing over a million dollars. I am 61 now and she is 32. She doesn't like young guys. Her boyfriend she is living with now is 14 years older than her, about 1/2 of our 29 years difference.

Yes, age is just a number... like a million dollars is a number.
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Old 10-28-2008, 07:19 AM
 
Location: West Texas
2,449 posts, read 5,930,122 times
Reputation: 3125
I have to agree with several posters here. Although there may be initial passion from both of you (although you've posted nothing to show that he's really shown an interest other than friendly co-worker), that wanes in time. You are at a point in your life where your settled, and he's really just starting his.

If you do decide to date him, I wouldn't plan on it being long term. If it turns out that way, great. But, because of the difference, I believe you are at different points in your life, and the difference won't start to show until after the passion starts to give way to everyday life. Then, what you two have in common and the effort you both put into it will determine how successful the relationship will be.

I say go for it, just realize it may be a day at a time relationship compared to one with someone closer to your age.
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