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Old 10-30-2008, 04:49 AM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,721 posts, read 1,031,726 times
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Default Ladies, choosing partners when you are single with child/children

I was thinking about Jennifer Hudson and her family last night and it got me thinking about choosing who we associate with especially single women with children. In an age when people are meeting online how do you ladies with children protect yourselves and family from the nuts and undesirables out there. Do you do back ground checks on men you have plans on introducing to your kids? Is it something you worry about?

Jennifers sister Julia met this loser knowing he was a felon with a rap sheet that included attempted murder.
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Old 10-30-2008, 04:59 AM
 
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It is something that I worry about and it seems in the best interest of everyone involved for them not to meet my child. Felons are a dime a dozen, it does not take quite as much as it used to become one. That does not mean that I would go out with any felon. It means that it requires some type of investigation. On the other hand, this is an area that Jennifer Hudson also told her mother that she needed to move from because it is dangerous.

Did something change? I heard he was a suspect but unless he confessed then he still has a day in court.

I take risks when I date just by accepting to. Shoot, I've seen the Stepfather movies.


Although, there are countless cases of abuse where mom hooks up with a boyfriend that has no experience with children and then the boyfriend becomes frustrated with the child and beats them to death So, that is one of those things that also is quite scary.
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Old 10-30-2008, 05:43 AM
 
Location: Custer, SD
1,499 posts, read 1,615,732 times
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I would be careful to the extreme about introducing my daughter to anyone I dated. There would have to be several months of an established relationship, I think, before I would make introductions. And quite possibly a background check. But I would be up front with the guy about the check - if he wasn't okay with it, that would probably be an indication that the relationship didn't need to continue anyway.
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Old 10-30-2008, 05:49 AM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,721 posts, read 1,031,726 times
Reputation: 1292
I think it has a lot to do with back ground, your education and socio-economic group. Lets face it Julia wasn't the most enlightened (have you seen her myspace page?). She was also involved in drug dealing at some point so I guess she wasn't that discriminating about her choice.

They've found the weapon and we'll know soon who fired it, but it's all pointing at him...even she admits it.
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Old 10-30-2008, 05:50 AM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,721 posts, read 1,031,726 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by no8fann View Post
I would be careful to the extreme about introducing my daughter to anyone I dated. There would have to be several months of an established relationship, I think, before I would make introductions. And quite possibly a background check. But I would be up front with the guy about the check - if he wasn't okay with it, that would probably be an indication that the relationship didn't need to continue anyway.
Would you go ahead with the the check anyway if he said no?
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Old 10-30-2008, 06:14 AM
 
Location: Custer, SD
1,499 posts, read 1,615,732 times
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No, I would simply walk away from the relationship. My daughter is more important to me than any man!
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Old 10-30-2008, 06:54 AM
 
788 posts, read 1,342,783 times
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I was single for 5 years with two small children and I only dated e/o weekend when they were with their father. They didn't meet anyone except the man that I married. I realize that may not be for everyone - but my ex was parading women in and out of the picture and I thought that one of us should be an adult and give some stability. I didn't do the background check - mostly dated friends of friends or people I met through work. There were some wackos and that makes me soooo glad that I kept the distance. One guy called me 6 months later - COLLECT from jail. I answered of course - it was like a train wreck - you have to look! Credit card theft by the way.....
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Old 10-30-2008, 07:13 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 2,874,115 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raggy dee Ann View Post
I think it has a lot to do with back ground, your education and socio-economic group. Lets face it Julia wasn't the most enlightened (have you seen her myspace page?). She was also involved in drug dealing at some point so I guess she wasn't that discriminating about her choice.

They've found the weapon and we'll know soon who fired it, but it's all pointing at him...even she admits it.
I agree that does have to do with it. No, I have not seen her myspace page. I would say (if the rumors are true) that if all they did was argue then that would be a pretty big indicator it was not meant to be.

However, I cannot hold it against her for being unenlightened and I can't hold it against her for dealing drugs at an earlier time period PROVIDING she is no longer involved. If she is there might be a whole different scenario that went down.

Some socio-economic groups do not have a big pool to draw from. Meaning that its possible to continue to run into the same type of individual with a different face. Too, maybe she is continously attracted to the same type of male and has not figured out that the common denominator is her. That goes down all over the place.

Pointing and actually being guilty are two different things. There may very well be probable cause but this needs to be scrutinized very carefully as it is has to be beyond a shadow of a doubt. If there are any other contenders and the entire focus is completely on this person and he is convicted of a crime that he did not commit then someone else just walked. Free to do it again. Illinois has been the spotlight of some badly run investigations and cases. And if he is innocent the headlines are not going to scream out loud -DANG WE WERE WRONG.

At any rate, there are women with children that do not think carefully enough and I wish they would.
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Old 10-30-2008, 08:50 AM
 
28,792 posts, read 16,763,405 times
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Hey, I am in this boat from the OTHER side of the fence. I guess because I'm a guy I'm not so worried but I have pretty good psycho radar and wouldn't continue to date someone that was suspect anyway. (And unless they came pre-approved via friends then my kids would be isolated from them until I got a feel for the other person.)

I think the fact that I show up to dates and am obviously not a felon after a short conversation and am raising 2 kids that a lot of gals move me to the "safe" category quite rapidly. I can't imagine anyone that has met me for a few dates feeling the need to run a background check.
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Old 10-30-2008, 08:54 AM
 
1,651 posts, read 1,906,695 times
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You can rule me out as safe then.
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