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Unread 11-03-2008, 10:23 PM
 
Location: Cincinnati via Chicago...Michigan next?
929 posts, read 1,569,986 times
Reputation: 384
Question Can friends with benefits ever be more?

My best friend has been messing with this guy for about 2 years now but they have been friends for much longer. She likes him as more than a friend but guessing on what she has told me about him, either he doesnt want anything more or he is holding his feelings inside. Well his birthday is next week and she bought him this GORGEOUS watch. She is hoping he will see she is trying to make moves on being more than just a friend with benefits but is this transition possible? Ive only tried to do it once and it failed so Im biased to think it cant happen. What do you all think? Is there anything she can do to make this transition?

Also, I want to suggest she return the watch. He never buys her birthday or christmas gifts but she is always getting him something. She said he doesnt have alot of money and she isnt doing it to get something in return but I think then maybe she should consider a different gift, maybe something less costly? I guess I dont want her regretting spending so much money on something that may never be more than what it is. She puts her heart all out for every guy and she still hasnt found love and she is 31.

Thanks for your opinions/suggestons!
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Unread 11-03-2008, 10:23 PM
 
25,171 posts, read 31,073,948 times
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I heard it is very rare. I'm sorry to burst your bubble.
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Unread 11-03-2008, 10:26 PM
 
Location: Cincinnati via Chicago...Michigan next?
929 posts, read 1,569,986 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by artsyguy View Post
I heard it is very rare. I'm sorry to burst your bubble.
my bubble was burst years ago lol hers however is the one on the line lol
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Unread 11-03-2008, 10:33 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,853 posts, read 49,226,680 times
Reputation: 22661
Damn, we women can be soooo stupid!
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Unread 11-03-2008, 10:41 PM
 
Location: down south
483 posts, read 941,764 times
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I can only speak for myself. Call me old-fashioned and totally hypocritical if you like, personally I don't mind being friends, even best friends with them, but I would never enter a serious relationship, let alone marriage, with a woman who believes in and practices the whole friends with benefit thing. One night stand is one thing, but to intentionally open your pants to your friends purely for sexual satisfaction is totally different. It's a completely trashing down of what love and sex should be. I won't accept that and I won't accept those who accept that.
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Unread 11-03-2008, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
4,944 posts, read 9,199,237 times
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The short answer: "No."

The long answer: Still no. Once a woman is only a booty call in a man's mind, that's it. He sees her as a sexual object, someone to have fun with but not to get serious about. You can't make a man fall in love with you through sex. Men aren't wired that way. Sex is sex, and that's it to most of them.
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Unread 11-03-2008, 10:51 PM
 
9,689 posts, read 10,764,487 times
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Women are a bit clueless sometimes about men.

I know someone right now that has been trying desperately to convince this one guy to marry her. At one point she moved out and they broke up, but of course are back together. He puts no effort into her, shows no emotion or love, doesn't add anything to the relationship. He's already getting all the sex he wants, a clean house, many of his high living bills paid for, ironed laundry, a dog cared for, meals, etc. Why would he marry her? He's already getting the whole package.

Can friends with benefits become more? I've seen it happen, but I would not count on much.

I had found that "friends with benefits" is a misnomer from the people I have seen involved in such. There is not much friendship happening there in reality, it is simply for satisfying sexual gratification. There is no making love or friendship there, just sex. And it always seems those relationships fall apart, sometimes disastrously, due to someone's feelings getting involved which is inevitable for what should be obvious reasons.

Frankly ladies, us men, if we have a relationship where we are getting frequent sex for no work or effort at all, we are likely not going to want to change that. In addition after two years of FWB, if we hadn't made a move to make it into something further, then we never will.
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Unread 11-03-2008, 11:16 PM
 
68 posts, read 197,193 times
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Quote:
I had found that "friends with benefits" is a misnomer from the people I have seen involved in such. There is not much friendship happening there in reality, it is simply for satisfying sexual gratification. There is no making love or friendship there, just sex. And it always seems those relationships fall apart, sometimes disastrously, due to someone's feelings getting involved which is inevitable for what should be obvious reasons.

Frankly ladies, us men, if we have a relationship where we are getting frequent sex for no work or effort at all, we are likely not going to want to change that. In addition after two years of FWB, if we hadn't made a move to make it into something further, then we never will.

The truth.
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Unread 11-03-2008, 11:38 PM
 
39,548 posts, read 39,195,865 times
Reputation: 11596
I think in the end you need to let your freind decide what she wants to do. You can say if asked but you stand the chance of losing a friend if not asked. We all have to learn lessons; sometimes the hard way. Afterall we are only hearing your description of the relationship and you admit to having viewed it of your past relationship. He at least has ben honest from what you say.Just as men don't only give gifts to their future wife;so women are free to do the same.
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Unread 11-04-2008, 05:50 AM
 
Location: Arkansas
2,384 posts, read 3,786,986 times
Reputation: 1065
These things never work out but your friend has to figure that out for herself. Women never listen to other women when it comes to men (in my experience) so you have to simply let her spend her money on a watch and let her try to make something out of this and you have to be there for her if it does not succeed.
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