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I am 24 years old and I recently found out my dad has been having an affair with another married woman for the last 6 months. My mom discovered it, and he admitted it. I talked with him recently and he isn't sure what he wants next in life. I'll be moving to a new city soon, and he said that things would really need to change between he and my mom for him to stay in that relationship.
My real problem is that I pretty much completely understand where he is coming from and why he wants this. My mom isnt the easiest person to live with... but at the same time, I know what he did was wrong and I don't want to take his "side" on this. My mom is not doing well with the whole situation.
How can I be comforting to her while also being understanding to my dad?
I know this isn't a unique situation, so I was hoping you all could shed some light on things.
I would say something along the lines of: "I know what dad did was wrong but he's still my dad and I still love him. I may be an adult but I still think parents should never expect their children to 'take a side' - I love both of you and I still want to maintain healthy relationships with both of you. I hope you understand."
I am 24 years old and I recently found out my dad has been having an affair with another married woman for the last 6 months. My mom discovered it, and he admitted it. I talked with him recently and he isn't sure what he wants next in life. I'll be moving to a new city soon, and he said that things would really need to change between he and my mom for him to stay in that relationship.
My real problem is that I pretty much completely understand where he is coming from and why he wants this. My mom isnt the easiest person to live with... but at the same time, I know what he did was wrong and I don't want to take his "side" on this. My mom is not doing well with the whole situation.
How can I be comforting to her while also being understanding to my dad?
I know this isn't a unique situation, so I was hoping you all could shed some light on things.
Thanks!
i'm really sorry you have to go through this....I would think that keeping an open mind and not showing any bias for either side would be the best for you and your parents.....just be sure to let each of them, especially your mom, know you are there for them.....that's really all you can do.....eventhough your their child, try to limmit your involvment in their relationship and be there for them as their child.
Thanks, I guess that's what I needed to hear. It's hard because I am the only child and I have always been so involved with both of them. But you are right, I need to let them deal with this as a couple.
Thanks, I guess that's what I needed to hear. It's hard because I am the only child and I have always been so involved with both of them. But you are right, I need to let them deal with this as a couple.
Thats correct. Another way to think about it is "to listen more than speak." Both may just need a sounding board rather than advice. Good luck young man.
It's always kind of a shocker when we come to terms with the fact that our parents are only humans with flaws.
Your father stayed in an unhappy marriage until you were launched, so that's in his favor.
You are a grown up and you will have some physical distance from both of them. I'd suggest you just be careful not to become the "dumpee" for both of them. Don't let your mother unload about your Dad, or vice versa. Remain Switzerland.
I agree with what everyone has said here. Just listen when they want to talk. They need to get advice from someone other than their own child. It isn't fair to involve you in this because you are emotionally tied to the situation - these are your parents. Love both of them, be understanding, but when you start hearing the "hairy" details, tell them they need to talk to an outside source to sort out this mess. Good luck.
I agree with what everyone has said here. Just listen when they want to talk. They need to get advice from someone other than their own child. It isn't fair to involve you in this because you are emotionally tied to the situation - these are your parents. Love both of them, be understanding, but when you start hearing the "hairy" details, tell them they need to talk to an outside source to sort out this mess. Good luck.
I know it's sad......i'm 27 and I still think of my parents as superhero's lol.....it's tough when you have to be brought back down to reality and face the fact that your parents really are only human.
Thanks, I guess that's what I needed to hear. It's hard because I am the only child and I have always been so involved with both of them. But you are right, I need to let them deal with this as a couple.
That really is the best attitude you can take - this is between them and if you take sides you'll just exacerbate the pain you all feel.
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i'm really sorry you have to go through this....I would think that keeping an open mind and not showing any bias for either side would be the best for you and your parents.....just be sure to let each of them, especially your mom, know you are there for them.....that's really all you can do.....eventhough your their child, try to limmit your involvment in their relationship and be there for them as their child. 
