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My Sat. night date is a woman I met this week on-line that lives <1 mile from me, goes to all the same grocery stores etc. and in fact, I think I have seen her before. (She's pretty nice on the eyes and I have "curve radar" lol)
This is on-line dating gone right. Yay!
Yep. I met one guy that lives IN MY OWN neighborhood! Go figure! Super nice guy, just no chemistry darn it! Keeping my fingers crossed for ya!!
Yep. I met one guy that lives IN MY OWN neighborhood!
That'd be great! As lazy as I am, a 5-mile radius would be perfect! As a matter of fact, I was kinda cooking such plans in my mind when I bought my house. Naive me thought the neighborhood looked promising after seeing many single males' names on the assessor's site. Turned out most of them were "artsy" types... However, as comfy as it sounds... it might be a little too close for comfort...
However, as comfy as it sounds... it might be a little too close for comfort...
Yeah I was just a little worried about that...I never told him where I lived, once he told me where HE lived (in email, before we even met!!), I figured I should stay mum until things progressed a little more. But he's so nice, I don't think I would have had anything to worry about.
Denny you make a lot of good points, but we don't all meet that many people. I personally don't meet hardly anyone on a daily basis. I see my front desk person, who I already know. I go to Subway, where the employees know me and know my usual order. I see the guy who runs the cash register at the gas station where the Subway is located, and he knows me. I may go hang out with friends I already know. I don't meet anyone new on a daily basis or even a weekly basis. The only way I could meet new people is through the Internet, basically.
This is precisely my point. All of us have a routine. We go to the same places at the same times. So naturally, we're going to run into the same people. It would be nice to break out of a routine, but there are limits there as well. Most people don't have jobs where they can set their own hours. If you're in school, it's not like you can reschedule when your classes meet. If you have kids, their activities usually follow a schedule. That perfect person could be living on the other side of town, someplace you never find yourself. So if you leave it to chance, how do you ever expect to meet that person?
I really hope online dating gains more acceptance. If it does, maybe it'll lose a lot of the stigma it has now. I think what's really limiting about it and one reason people have bad luck is because the pool of people just isn't big enough yet. What percentage of the population is actually online at a given site? I'm betting it's still pretty small.
This is precisely my point. All of us have a routine. We go to the same places at the same times. So naturally, we're going to run into the same people. It would be nice to break out of a routine, but there are limits there as well. Most people don't have jobs where they can set their own hours. If you're in school, it's not like you can reschedule when your classes meet. If you have kids, their activities usually follow a schedule. That perfect person could be living on the other side of town, someplace you never find yourself. So if you leave it to chance, how do you ever expect to meet that person?
I really hope online dating gains more acceptance. If it does, maybe it'll lose a lot of the stigma it has now. I think what's really limiting about it and one reason people have bad luck is because the pool of people just isn't big enough yet. What percentage of the population is actually online at a given site? I'm betting it's still pretty small.
Honestly I don't think there is much stigma anymore. I've been amazed how many people I've known that found their significant other online. It's a perfectly legitimate way of finding a partner and some say online dating now is more cool than picking up at the bar.
I found myself trapped sometimes in the ski town I lived in and if things were in a rut I'd head down to Denver which opened up realms of possibilities(bookstores perfect place to pick up). I'd recommend that to anyone, dating or not, sometimes you need to get out of town, even for a day, and get out and experience another environment. Always works for me.
I don't think there's that much of a stigma either. Two of my co-workers met their wives on eharmony and I know several others (at least four) who met their wives/husbands online.
I think part of the problem with online dating is that people expect to meet Mr./Ms. Perfect in the first month and if they don't, then they just give up and badmouth the experience.
Some people may meet "the one" after a week, others after a year, you just never know when that person will show up online. Wouldn't it be terrible if you give up the day before the person who would have been perfect for you joins?
I think part of the problem with online dating is that people expect to meet Mr./Ms. Perfect in the first month and if they don't, then they just give up and badmouth the experience.
Some people may meet "the one" after a week, others after a year, you just never know when that person will show up online. Wouldn't it be terrible if you give up the day before the person who would have been perfect for you joins?
I think that's a huge part of the problem. People have very little patience. One criticism I hear of eharmony is that you get few or no matches. Well maybe that's because of you and not eharmony. Maybe you gave an answer on their test that makes you incompatible with most people. Maybe the criteria you gave for your matches are too restrictive. But if you wait, who knows? Maybe that person who is a good match for you will join.
Because they either had a bad experience with it themselves and think it's like that for everyone or they are closeminded. We live in a new age, a new millenium. Online dating is a new frontier. One can have good experiences or bad experiences from online dating just like one can in real life. I personally know many success stories from online dating sites that ended up with the couple getting married.
A lot of us meet our spouses/SOs on messageboards and forums like this one or on more specific ones based on a particular interest, such as forums for gaming, movies, tv shows, photography, sports, etc. It's often the case that a person has a good chance of connecting with another if they meet on a forum dedicated to an interest, hobby or passion they share.
But that's just the first step. Once an online relationship progresses to IM and then the phone, one should always take precautions before meeting up. There are a lot of liars out there. My husband and I met on my messageboard (I'm the webmaster; he was a moderator) and we started connecting when we chatted in the staff chatroom and found we shared many interests, values, social, political and spiritual ideologies and even some particular quirks/idiosyncrasies (the kind you'd never think you'd find in another person). We also found out we both had another thing in common: we each had a bad experience with a previous online relationship where the other person lied and was not who they said they were. So we were extra cautious. But I'm happy to say, for us, it turned out to be a happy ending because we've now been together for six years - on November 27th, 2002 we met in person and on May 1st, about five months later, we got married.
I think one reason people slam online dating is b/c they have impractically high expectations going in. People who connect well with others in 'real life' are likely to also make the best connections in the online realm. Many (but certainly not all) of those who go online have had trouble making connections with others in real life. The pool is somewhat self-selecting. While socially skillful people do populate the online realm, a relatively high percentage of the most socially adept people are not online while a relatively high percentage of the socially inept are.
Many people think they have limited access to others in their daily lives, but going online will give them enhanced access and, thus, more success. It doesn't always work out, which can lead to them bashing the system.
In general, I don't think it's the system that bears the responsibility for one's lack of success. People like to blame the city, the online system, their place of work/school, etc without honestly evaluating themselves. I think online dating plays the role of scapegoat quite often.
Denny you make a lot of good points, but we don't all meet that many people. I personally don't meet hardly anyone on a daily basis. I see my front desk person, who I already know. I go to Subway, where the employees know me and know my usual order. I see the guy who runs the cash register at the gas station where the Subway is located, and he knows me. I may go hang out with friends I already know. I don't meet anyone new on a daily basis or even a weekly basis. The only way I could meet new people is through the Internet, basically. When I do film shoots I often hire people I already know and have worked with. Even when I don't, the film industry is 90% guys. Only hair/makeup artists and production designers are often girls, and of course your actresses. But it's not like you want to be hitting on your employees. If I was another co-worker it might be easier.
So yes, online is ideal because you can meet lots of girls who give you potential options. I haven't had good luck with online dating, but as you said it's too small of a sample size to condemn it. I have had a few bad experiences and no really good ones, but that could have just as easily been true with girls i met at bars or whatever. So that's why I don't give up on it.
Hey! Why didn't you give the person behind the counter...or the cash register...a shot? Fortune favors the bold! I know it's not typically a good idea to date your customers, but I HAVE done it. Why not? I've worked both in Subway and behind the counter of a gas station...and met people there that I wouldn't have minded dating. Denny said, "You pass so many people up EVERY day." And that is true! We pass them right up!
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As a matter of fact, I was kinda cooking such plans in my mind when I bought my house. Naive me thought the neighborhood looked promising after seeing many single males' names on the assessor's site. Turned out most of them were "artsy" types...
