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I swear to you, I had one of the best times of my life there a couple of years ago. I have been married 37 years, not nearly dead yet, and not cheating on my bc, but had a ball. There are so many shag clubs there (dancing) and it's just fun, fun, fun.
Shagging is a dance. Remember the song "Shagging on the Boulevard?" It is a jitterbug type of dance. Myrtle Beach is famous for their shag clubs. Check it out.
Bette
Hi Creme,
My daughter lives in NYC - my son still in college - lives at home. My daughter has tons of friends but no special someone; never wants to share those details - is that normal?
yes it is...normal...please don't take offense, but thankfully, our kids are coming out of the traditional belief, that you don't have to be married to be successful or happy...there is nothing wrong with being single...if she's happy, rejoice for her, cuz she's doing what she enjoys...being who she is...when she's ready, she'll know it...and it won't be when you think so, but in her own time and place...boy, I remember wondering when my own son would be getting married...back then, I to, thought he had to be married to be successful...and he got pressure from all sides, that you just HAVE to be married. So did I, and now that I'm alone, I'm happier then I've ever been in my life...and I mean that sincerely...so, allow her to be...
I was just talking to a friend tonight, who is having some problems with her own daughter, and said, the biggest thing we have to realize is that we don't own our children and sometimes our biggest problems start, when they grow up and leave the home...but cha know, it's their turn now, their life and yes, they are going to make mistakes, but it's life, we learn from our mistakes, don't we....and those mistakes, those hard times, makes us that more greatful for the good times, not to mention, stronger, courageous...
whataya think?
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My son, on the other hand, is working, going to school, busy. I asked where he wanted to be in 10 minutes - he said, married with a family. At least, one is one the right track.
I mean this with all due respect...but sometimes in todays' world, when you think you need to be married and want it so bad, you end up picking the first one who comes along without taking time to observe if that person is a good fit...if that person is compatible, mentally and morally...politically, spiritually...
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PS - I asked my daughter the same question - she was like, what a weird question - "I don't know...."
Don't worry, she's being herself...and she is confident and likes the company she keeps, she's smart and independent, and knows what she wants...be happy for her...it's ok...
society dictates the rules sometimes, and society is not always right, what is good for me, might not be good for you, and visa versa...doesn't make her right and you wrong...or visa versa...what it is, is...simply who she is and what she needs and desires from life...
Does that make any sense?
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(I hope my daughter won't turn out to be the awful DIL)
I hope not either...but it's her life, and there are so many things in life we cannot control...
Believe me, I'm learning from a lot from the other women in here...some much younger then myself...but this is a great place to be to get answers...these women in here are awesome, and I'm sure they will come in and contribute to your questions as well...
and when I have hard days, I post, and they're right there to pick me up...a great group of women....
Shagging is a dance. Remember the song "Shagging on the Boulevard?" It is a jitterbug type of dance. Myrtle Beach is famous for their shag clubs. Check it out.
I will, thanks...yanno, I love the ocean...sea....used to go away every Christmas to the Bahamas...and then last year, rented a house on the beach...god, it's terrific during off season...I was on an island with all locals...they were great...got invited for a ride on the beach in a jeep...also got invited to parties...people are great...
but yeah, I do so love the ocean...it's so, so, spiritual...
I am one of the DIL's that have been treated wrongly and I can honestly say, I have tried everything and my MIL has even told me "It is not you. I would hate anyone my son married."
Sometimes things are exactly what someone says they are. I made special gifts of slideshows to music full of about 900 pictures of all her kids and grandkids, tried to plan a vacation to Europe with the whole family when FIL was diagnosed but they went to Cape Hatteras instead...with the daughters and their families and everyone swore never to tell us they went...
There is nothing more I can do but step back.
I am sorry you have a DIL and her mother to contend with. They sound horrible.
Sometimes bad things happen that are unprovoked and I fall under this category right now...as you do too.
I have been there, so I know what you are talking about. Is your husband an only child? It was so horrible with me, I told my EX that I hoped his mother would be happy now. My MIL would talk about me to my children, and of course they would tell me when they got home. My FIL told me that she had caused a real rift between he and my husband. There have been times that I have wanted to say something to either DIL or Son, but I just bit my tongue. If they ask my opinion then I will tell them what I think, but I don't attack. I'm sorry for all of you that have been facing this, all you can do is do your best, and if that is not good enough, then that is their problem.
I have been there, so I know what you are talking about. Is your husband an only child? It was so horrible with me, I told my EX that I hoped his mother would be happy now. My MIL would talk about me to my children, and of course they would tell me when they got home. My FIL told me that she had caused a real rift between he and my husband. There have been times that I have wanted to say something to either DIL or Son, but I just bit my tongue. If they ask my opinion then I will tell them what I think, but I don't attack. I'm sorry for all of you that have been facing this, all you can do is do your best, and if that is not good enough, then that is their problem.
No, he is the youngest and only boy though... Not sure which is worse, being an only child or the youngest and only son...toss up...
I bug my husband to call his family all of the time, I tell him we should visit more often. My Mom is a wonderfull lady however as a MIL she can be a bit overwhlming. My husband and her do not get along very well, however my Dh makes sure I can call her every day, evan though they live in a different stae. He picked out a cell phone plan just for us to talk each day, he made sure I have a cell phone with picture capabilities so I can send her pictures everyday of the kids, we visit them as much as we can afford. They may kill eachother if left alone to long(too much alike though they would never admitt)However he makes sure that thees things are done. And once in awhile my Mom will say he really is a Good SIL Sorry you have to go through this
Its sad to read some of these posts. Please do not take this the wrong way....but you are blaming your DIL. Have you ever thought that it is possible that it is YOU? Maybe, you are crossing or have crossed the boundaries?
You should be very PROUD of your son for choosing someone that he is loyal too. You have raised him right! He shouldn't be put in the position to make a choice between you or her because clearly she will win every time.
Maybe you are relying on him too much to fulfill the void in your life. He is your son not your life support. Whatever he is willing to give you- that should be enough. He is not the little boy that once you had to take care of. He is a grown man that has moved on to his own family. You blame your DIL because your son will not talk to you...
I am sorry, but you were possibly the one who destroyed that relationship when you made him choose between the two of you.
Thankfully, my MIL and I have a great relationship. She has always accepted me for who I was- faults and all! My job is not to make my dh call her either. HE IS A GROWN MAN. I am NOT HIS MOTHER!
Hopefully, it is not too late for you to build a good relationship with your son and dil.
Its sad to read some of these posts. Please do not take this the wrong way....but you are blaming your DIL. Have you ever thought that it is possible that it is YOU? Maybe, you are crossing or have crossed the boundaries?
sure I made mistakes when this started happening...I should have confronted her right then and there, right in front of my son, but I knew what I had to loose, and I knew the entire situation was orchastrated by her and her sister, right up until this moment. You cannot deal with an angry, immature, person who has very little confidence in themselves and all her life, has had to play games to get her way. I suspect, while I am no doctor, that my DIL is Narcissistic...did you read the part about where she was humming & singing, after walking out of my home? Did you read the part about how she lied to my son from the very beginning? I have never lied about it....I can't cross boundaries, b/c they live hundreds of miles away...and I was never the kind of mother to cross boundaries...
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You should be very PROUD of your son for choosing someone that he is loyal too. You have raised him right! He shouldn't be put in the position to make a choice between you or her because clearly she will win every time.
No he shouldn't but sometimes in life bad things happen, this girl has caused nothing but problems since the very beginning...did you read where she erased emails and telephone messages? Not just from me, but all his friends to? Did you read where she was throwing stuff out that I spent my money on and sent to my DIL....did you read, about what the other mother's are going thru.
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Maybe you are relying on him too much to fulfill the void in your life. He is your son not your life support. Whatever he is willing to give you- that should be enough. He is not the little boy that once you had to take care of. He is a grown man that has moved on to his own family. You blame your DIL because your son will not talk to you...
I never relied on my son, never had to, and when he reached adolensence, I allowed him to go live with his father...he was older and needed a male influence in his life, who better then his father, then encouraged him to join the armed forces...
If I caused this, how come she alinates him from the entire family? I'll tell you why, it cuts off all their support line and any influence from the outside..giving her full and complete control.
Did you ever stop and think, that maybe, you wouldn't ever be able to realize the despair and humiliation of this issue, unless you have a DIL like this...and believe me, they all run along the same pattern...every MIL here can tell you the exact same things...they are very insecure and need a great deal more attention then the norm...if they don't get it, they will get it negatively...they own no conscience, they care more about results then the hearts they are hurting...they have a goal, and that is to get their MIL's out of their husband's life. Why, because they are threatened by the fact that Mother and Son were close. Perhaps like in my case, when they were dating, my son spoke of me much, actually bragged about me, and so did his friends. She feared not being able to obtain the same love he held for me...never realizing, that he loved her more, in a very different way. She sets out to destroy the situation...and the MIL's don't know what's going on at first, they are shocked that a young girl would talk to them this way, much less threat them with so little respect. These girls are so manipulative they will do anything to get their way, even threaten their husbands by telling them, finally, "It's either her or me".
If these DIL's were normal...regardless of the personality conflict, she would realize the importance of her husband, spending time with his extended family, not create problems but more so, encourage him to continue to see his family...but these girls do not...they want to be the ones giving and receiving all the attention. My DIL, is so threatened, that she gets up and walks out of the room if my son, proceeds to let go and talk about his job to me?????
I was so nervous around her, I was actually afraid to hug my own son...you could see the anger and hostility...
You have 3 sons...I hope and pray, this doesn't happen to you, b/c if and when it does, you will slip into something you've never known before...great saddness, in the beginning self blame, anger, despair and lonliness for you sons.
Just imagine for one moment, one of your son's taking a woman like this for his wife...just imagine and picture you going thru what we have described here and worse. And then come back and judge us.
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I am sorry, but you were possibly the one who destroyed that relationship when you made him choose between the two of you.
I didn't make him choose, I was all fired fed up and angry, and spoke out of hurt...yelled out of despair...told him to back off for awhile, that he and I needed some room from each other, and she is not welcome in my home ever again...
Here is an example of how manipulative she was. She owns a cell...they're married 11 years...in all those years...I called her many times, trying to break the ice, trying to get her to understand that I was no threat to her, by including her, sharing conversation. In all those years, she sees my number pop up on her phone, never picks up the call, and I left messages all the time...she never returned those calls, never. Yet, she asks him a year ago...real sweetly, "hun, have you heard from your mother?" He says NO, she says, "do you think I should give her a call?" IN all those years, she never called me, never called me when I had surgery, never called me to thank me for anything I sent her or her daughter, and never called me when my mom passed away...do ya really think, she's gonna call me now?????? I think not.
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Thankfully, my MIL and I have a great relationship. She has always accepted me for who I was- faults and all! My job is not to make my dh call her either. HE IS A GROWN MAN. I am NOT HIS MOTHER!
I didn't suggest it was your job to MAKE your husband call your MIL...
and your MIL, is actually very lucky you are mature and stable. If you weren't, beleive me, she wouldn't be seeing her son.
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Hopefully, it is not too late for you to build a good relationship with your son and dil.
I think I explained the entire situation in all these posts...it is hopeless...and done with, and until you walk in someone else's shoes, it is best not to even try to go there....
I have done everything humanly possible to make this work...she was accepted by my family, and I haven't even gotten into detail with the horrible things she has done...
am I angry...yes indeed...first of all, if my son had married someone decent like you, you and I wouldn't even be having this conversation...
2nd, that he has also enabled this to happen is more hurtful then words could ever describe
3rd, once we all went out, right after they were married...he and she were fighting at the bar...I asked her sister, "What the heck is my son so mad about". She replies, "Ohhhhh he's all pissed of cuz she and I have a bet going, which one of us is going to pick up a guy first". In front of her mother in law...would you have done that...great start right...she intended to follow thru with it, to sabatoge our relationship, b/c at the time, she knew I loved her and trusted her very much.
When he is not around, she snaps at me like I'm a piece of dog dirt...and when he is around, she is sweeter then pecan pie...why do you think she does that?
Sorry, but I really get upset with people who think they know about something that they haven't even had a glimpse of...I'm not a lier and neither are any of the other women here who have been going thru the same thing. I would respectfully ask you to kindly read if you like, but not judge, cuz you have 3 of your own boys yet to contend with...I do hope and pray, you never have to experience this, and yes, that God you and your MIL get along...I had a fabulous MIL...the other one was a pain, very controlling, but, she lost her mother at a very young age, she was forced to raise her brothers...she didn't mean me any harm, she was just being a mom...used to fixing things, controlling situations...and she used to really get to me sometimes...but, I would have never, ever talked to her, like my DIL has spoken to me...ever.
and as far as my suggestions...about spending more time with your DIL or MIL, on a quality time basis, all my friends are like that with their DIL's. They love each other and have great relationships, that is why I suggested it...if you don't want to , or don't believe in it, fine...do what you like, I was just trying to reinterate the importance of keeping in touch, b/c girl, we're not going to be around forever, and you have no idea, just how Short life really is. And you won't until your kids start leaving home to start their own lives...once you reach 50, it goes like the wind!
Last edited by cremebrulee; 11-11-2008 at 12:28 PM..
Well, my mil is not very kind to me...and you know what? I don't really care. She has created this uncomfortable relationship we currently have. This strained relationship has caused me to not want to be around her at all. Who would want to be around someone they don't like right? Well my husband has different priorities now. His immediate family (myself and our kids) are of the most importance as we should be...He would never want me to go somewhere that I feel unwelcome or uncomfortable. My husband respects my feelings moreso then his mother's. So she either needs to shape up or find another family to bother. It is that simple. MIL's just don't get it...the DIL really has the say in the functional relationships. If her kids will be around you, if her DH (your son) will be around you, if they will come over for holidays, if you will be invited to birthday parties. These are all things the wife usually has the final say in. USUALLY if things are not jiving with the wife, they just won't jive at all.
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In front of her mother in law...would you have done that...great start right...she intended to follow thru with it, to sabatoge our relationship, b/c at the time, she knew I loved her and trusted her very much.
