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Creme, I really have to laugh at this post. That MIL forum you are speaking of was basically started by a friend of mine with me in mind, for MIL's like me who have something nice to say about their DIL's. You and your friends came on board and ruined everything we were trying to achieve. You did the same thing on another couple forums. Don't try and turn this around to being my fault.
I was not cruel to you ever, nor did I bully you. I gave my opinion on your situation and you did not like what I had to say. You and your friends took over the entire forum with your ravings. Instead of a peaceful forum for MIL's, it became Creme's vent and rave forum. When you couldn't get me banned because I hadn't done anything wrong, you left crying I was mean. Now you are doing it again.
I really don't like posting on your threads Creme. But you invite others into your threads by the things you post. People have opinions. Don't post if you don't want opinions other than your own. Or you can ignore my posts if you don't like what opinion I have.
I, along with many others, have tried to help you see another perspective. But you have no interest in seeing anything any other way other than your own. I'm sorry you see this as bullying, it is not.
I may not post on your threads anymore, but someone else will. And I am sure they will say pretty much the same things I have said. What are you going to do, cry fowl every time someone doesn't agree with you?
Also, we both joined this forum about the same time. We didn't know each other then. Please stop saying I followed you to this forum. That's just not true. I have never followed you, but we sure do cross each other's paths.
if what you say is true, why were we all invited into the forum...those women whom you call my friends are my friends now, due to that forum, thank God we meant...and yes you were not only cruel to me, but to the others, you told them when they should feel, how they should feel, ok, now it's time to move on....no matter who the forum was made for a forum is not one unless you have members...
Those girls liked me and oddly you hated that, so you bashed them to...and I know trying to discuss something with you is futile, b/c you are obsessed with having the last word, not to mention yes, you were very mean to me and the other girls...and stop accusing me of being on all these forums....over the past ten years I have been on three or four forums looking for opions...one was a poetry forum where I wrote poetry.
and as far as my son and DIL reading my posts...I wish they would...I'm not ashamed of anything I have written.
If you don't like posting on my threads then again, I'm asking you to stay away...simple...there is no reason why you and I need to correspond, period.
and by the way, I didn't try and get you thrown off that forum, I was asked why I left...and I told her why...
I find it odd, that you have this insatious obsession to try and slander me, on these forums...and dislike the fact that I do have friends? So much so, that I was asked if you were my DIL because your posts to me were so cruel and demeaning....You do honestly sound like her?
We can agree to disagree...and that is that...but, I know you'll have to pop in again, and post an even more condiscending one then the last...you Beth are a very angry girl...and I feel very sorry for you that you feel the need to come in and attack people so brutally...so please, this is senseless, please simply stay away from my threads and there will be no harm done. Easy solution.
You say you have never followed me, but here we are again...and you can't simply ignore me, you've gotta again come in and spew ill feelings and bully, why? Just stay away...
Last edited by cremebrulee; 11-12-2008 at 10:50 AM..
I don't see it as mean spirited to call a spade a spade.
yes, true, if you know what your talking about, but you don't.
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The OP has taken no responsiblity for anything she may have done to create this problem-- and I'm am SURE there has to be something. Just because cremebrulee doesn't see it as a problem, doesn't mean that DIL doesn't!
I'm sure to, and I've made that statement, but she will not discuss it with me...???????? Your getting all upset and taking things out of context that has been written....if anyone wants to settle things you discuss it...if you don't, you avoid it, and keep fueling the fire. Which I think she is obsessed with as are some MIL's.
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How is it not rude and judgemental to comment about DIL's lack of curtains? That would have set me off too! And constantly buying a bunch of stuff for the grandchildren DOES seem to me like she is trying to buy their affection! Or that she is insinuating that son and DIL can't afford those things, and that is insulting too!
I was using those issues as an example, they didn't really happen?????
And I have seen so many insecure DIL's insinuate that the inlaws are trying to buy them when they give gifts...they are not...when they had they're children, they couldn't afford nice things, when the grand kids come along, they can...so they give...why would you find fault with that...and say something so irrational, like they are trying to buy the DIL???? Don't you like to give gifts...when you get older and can afford it, you'll buy more. I buy gifts for people all the time...love giving gifts..it's not buying someone, I come from that kind of generation...when you go to someone's home for dinner, don't you take a bottle of wine, some fresh cut flowers for the cook?????? Sheesh?
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Everyone is just taking this story at face value and not even considering the possiblity that DIL may have a very valid reason to want this woman out of her life. I think cremebrulee is more to blame than she would like to think, and that everyone here supporting her is just feeding her ego!
and why does that bother you so much that you feel like you have to come in and accuse everyone b/c they have a different opinion then you do?
I started this thread for myself, but welcome any person in this thread with any kind of inlaw problem to come in and vent, if you don't like it fine, if you disagree fine...but if you really feel that way, why would you have the need to come in and discredit not just me, but others who have inlaw problems that are valid as well? Why even bother? Is being right that important to you that you would want to be heard, or discredit their posts and mine? Go away, join in another thread...
I find this very odd....do you have a problem with your mother in law...if you do, why don't you share your story...
if what you say is true, why were we all invited into the forum...those women whom you call my friends are my friends now, due to that forum, thank God we meant...and yes you were not only cruel to me, but to the others, you told them when they should feel, how they should feel, ok, now it's time to move on....no matter who the forum was made for a forum is not one unless you have members...
Those girls liked me and oddly you hated that, so you bashed them to...and I know trying to discuss something with you is futile, b/c you are obsessed with having the last word, not to mention yes, you were very mean to me and the other girls...and stop accusing me of being on all these forums....over the past ten years I have been on three or four forums looking for opions...one was a poetry forum where I wrote poetry.
and as far as my son and DIL reading my posts...I wish they would...I'm not ashamed of anything I have written.
If you don't like posting on my threads then again, I'm asking you to stay away...simple...there is no reason why you and I need to correspond, period.
and by the way, I didn't try and get you thrown off that forum, I was asked why I left...and I told her why...
I find it odd, that you have this insatious obsession to try and slander me, on these forums...and dislike the fact that I do have friends? So much so, that I was asked if you were my DIL because your posts to me were so cruel and demeaning....You do honestly sound like her?
We can agree to disagree...and that is that...but, I know you'll have to pop in again, and post an even more condiscending one then the last...you Beth are a very angry girl...and I feel very sorry for you that you feel the need to come in and attack people so brutally...so please, this is senseless, please simply stay away from my threads and there will be no harm done. Easy solution.
Oh Creme. Yes, you and others were invited into the forum. We were looking for MIL's and we hoped you would find support and comfort in this forum. But you immediately changed the tone of the forum making it extremely unfriendly toward all DIL's and no other MIL's wanted to come in.
And I am glad you have found friends, and no I do not envy you in the least for your friends or for any other reason. That's absurd. I didn't even know most of your friends. Your post says it all, "those girls liked me". I think really this is what everything is all about. You have a deep need for sympathy, to be accepted, and to have friends. You can keep your friends Creme. I am not looking to stop you from having friends or finding comfort on this forum. I just kept trying to find some way of showing you another perspective, which I now know is a futile attempt on my part.
Do you realize that in this one post alone you have called me cruel, obsessed, mean, accusing, slandering, demeaning, condescending, angry, attacking, and brutal. I don't think that was very nice. http://bestsmileys.com/crying/8.gif (broken link)
[quote=cremebrulee;6127799]yes, true, if you know what your talking about, but you don't.
Yet, oddly enough, neither do any of the other people posting here, and you still find their info valid-- provided that they are agreeing with you! There are 3 sides to every story: your side, DIL's side, and the truth! NO ONE here knows what they are talking about, because they haven't heard from your DIL.
I'm sure to, and I've made that statement, but she will not discuss it with me...???????? Your getting all upset and taking things out of context that has been written....if anyone wants to settle things you discuss it...if you don't, you avoid it, and keep fueling the fire. Which I think she is obsessed with as are some MIL's. If you are this irrational in real life, I KNOW why she refuses to discuss things with you! If you think I am taking things out of context, maybe your behaviors in real life are just as misleading as your writing.
I was using those issues as an example, they didn't really happen????? Then why post about them? How much other stuff have you written that never actually happened...?
And I have seen so many insecure DIL's insinuate that the inlaws are trying to buy them when they give gifts Why does not wanting someone to buy your kids a bunch of stuff they don't need or want make you insecure? Who has to find a home for all of the stuff? Who has to deal with the kids when they have the "gimmes" and expect a "gift" from grandma every time she visits? Yes, I have had to deal with this in real life and I think you are way out of line. What the parents say, goes, regardless of how much you enjoy buying gifts. If the parents don't want gifts when there is no occasion to warrant them, then don't buy presents. End of story! You had your chance with your kids, and even though you couldn't provide everything to your kids that you wanted, doesn't give you the right to spoil your grandchildren if the parents aren't happy with that. It is buying their love when the parent says no and you do it anyway. You just want to be liked more than the "mean" parent!....they are not...when they had they're children, they couldn't afford nice things, when the grand kids come along, they can...so they give...why would you find fault with that...and say something so irrational, like they are trying to buy the DIL???? Don't you like to give gifts...when you get older and can afford it, you'll buy more. Don't try to tell me what I will do when I get older. You don't know me and you have no idea how old I am, or my financial status now. If someone asks me not to buy presents for them or their children, I will honor that request. I buy gifts for people all the time...love giving gifts..My guess is that you love giving gifts because of how it makes YOU feel. If it is making your son and DIL unhappy, it doesn't matter how happy it makes the grandchild. It comes across as very fake and insincere. it's not buying someone, I come from that kind of generation...when you go to someones home for dinner, don't you take a bottle of wine, some fresh cut flowers for the cook?????? Sheesh?
and why does that bother you so much that you feel like you have to come in and accuse everyone b/c they have a different opinion then you do? And why can't you just accept the fact that although you think you are the world's most loving person, your DIL sees through you and doesn't like you? That is obviously a "different opinion", and yet it bothers you very much.
I started this thread for myself, but welcome any person in this thread with any kind of inlaw problem to come in and vent Just because you started this thread, doesn't mean that you own it. It is not just for people with an inlaw problem, it is for ANYONE who wishes to respond to the original thread you posted. YOU seem to be the one who can't handle someone who disagrees with you., if you don't like it fine, if you disagree fine...but if you really feel that way, why would you have the need to come in and discredit not just me, but others who have inlaw problems that are valid as well? Why even bother? Because when you post about your problem in a public forum you are asking for other people's opinions. If you didn't want that then you shouldn't be discussing this with strangers, or you should preface your posts with: "PEOPLE WHO AGREE WITH ME ONLY"!Is being right that important to you that you would want to be heard, or discredit their posts and mine? Go away, join in another thread...That's really quite childish, don't you think? "Wah, I am not getting my way so I am going to take my ball and go home! I'm not your best friend any more!" Really, if you are like this with your DIL, I understand why she CAN"T talk out her problems to you!
I find this very odd....do you have a problem with your mother in law...if you do, why don't you share your story...Why? What do yo uget out of it if I do? That is how things work with you from all that you have posted; everything is all hunky-dory as long as YOU are getting what you want, right? Just because your DIL doesn't like you, or do things the way that you want, or want to communicate with you, or encourage your son to want a relationship with you, doesn't make her "rotten". That was your choice of words from the get-go. You are not lookng for people to help you fix this situation, you are looking for people to tell you that you are right. I am here to tell you that you aren't...[/quote]
Beth56]Oh Creme. Yes, you and others were invited into the forum. We were looking for MIL's and we hoped you would find support and comfort in this forum. But you immediately changed the tone of the forum making it extremely unfriendly toward all DIL's and no other MIL's wanted to come in.
What???? we had 4 MIL's come in and you chased them away???? They wrote me and were scared off by you???? And by the way, we are still corresponding now...
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And I am glad you have found friends, and no I do not envy you in the least for your friends or for any other reason. That's absurd. I didn't even know most of your friends. Your post says it all, "those girls liked me". I think really this is what everything is all about. You have a deep need for sympathy, to be accepted, and to have friends. You can keep your friends Creme. I am not looking to stop you from having friends or finding comfort on this forum. I just kept trying to find some way of showing you another perspective, which I now know is a futile attempt on my part.
Yeah, they did, and I like them..and we still all correspond to each other, so what? and yes, your perspectives to me are futile, and always will be as we do not and never will agree...to be perfectly honest...I'm not interested in your perspectives.
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Do you realize that in this one post alone you have called me cruel, obsessed, mean, accusing, slandering, demeaning, condescending, angry, attacking, and brutal. I never called you any names.
Yup I do...
some of those girls do come in here...and would venture to say the same thing as I have...not because they're my friends but because you were very cruel to them.
Listen Beth, your right, ok, you win....now please, put a lid on it...and allow me my thread...just go away...there is no need for you to comment or keep coming back here...there are millions of other threads on this forum...ok, I'm a mean MIL, believe it, just please, go away?
Everybody whoa! And calm down! So do we need to send in a neutral C-D Relationship forum team to investigate this unhappy situation first hand in order to discern the truth between creme and her DIL? No matter how the situation started, it seems to me that the DIL has dug her heels in and has selfishly decided to keep the husband and child to herself. And to me that seems extremely unfair of her to do so. I may not like my boyfriend's dad or alcoholic aunt, but I've never prevented him from seeing them. It's his family, and if I don't like them, then it's a matter of ME staying away from them in a neutral fashion. creme's DIL should be encouraging her husband and child to keep in touch with her, but instead she's made it clear that everyone has to stay away from her. And that's very cruel of her to play this immature tug o' war game with creme. These are grown woman and the DIL ought to be trying to work on a way that creme is welcome in their lives. Nowhere has this DIL given creme a list of her MIL deal breakers, she's given creme no chance to work out a peace agreement. And that's not fair to creme, her son or the child imo.
yes, true, if you know what your talking about, but you don't.
Yet, oddly enough, neither do any of the other people posting here, and you still find their info valid-- provided that they are agreeing with you! There are 3 sides to every story: your side, DIL's side, and the truth! NO ONE here knows what they are talking about, because they haven't heard from your DIL.
I'm sure to, and I've made that statement, but she will not discuss it with me...???????? Your getting all upset and taking things out of context that has been written....if anyone wants to settle things you discuss it...if you don't, you avoid it, and keep fueling the fire. Which I think she is obsessed with as are some MIL's. If you are this irrational in real life, I KNOW why she refuses to discuss things with you! If you think I am taking things out of context, maybe your behaviors in real life are just as misleading as your writing.
I was using those issues as an example, they didn't really happen????? Then why post about them? How much other stuff have you written that never actually happened...?
And I have seen so many insecure DIL's insinuate that the inlaws are trying to buy them when they give gifts Why does not wanting someone to buy your kids a bunch of stuff they don't need or want make you insecure? Who has to find a home for all of the stuff? Who has to deal with the kids when they have the "gimmes" and expect a "gift" from grandma every time she visits? Yes, I have had to deal with this in real life and I think you are way out of line. What the parents say, goes, regardless of how much you enjoy buying gifts. If the parents don't want gifts when there is no occasion to warrant them, then don't buy presents. End of story! You had your chance with your kids, and even though you couldn't provide everything to your kids that you wanted, doesn't give you the right to spoil your grandchildren if the parents aren't happy with that. It is buying their love when the parent says no and you do it anyway. You just want to be liked more than the "mean" parent!....they are not...when they had they're children, they couldn't afford nice things, when the grand kids come along, they can...so they give...why would you find fault with that...and say something so irrational, like they are trying to buy the DIL???? Don't you like to give gifts...when you get older and can afford it, you'll buy more. Don't try to tell me what I will do when I get older. You don't know me and you have no idea how old I am, or my financial status now. If someone asks me not to buy presents for them or their children, I will honor that request. I buy gifts for people all the time...love giving gifts..My guess is that you love giving gifts because of how it makes YOU feel. If it is making your son and DIL unhappy, it doesn't matter how happy it makes the grandchild. It comes across as very fake and insincere. it's not buying someone, I come from that kind of generation...when you go to someones home for dinner, don't you take a bottle of wine, some fresh cut flowers for the cook?????? Sheesh?
and why does that bother you so much that you feel like you have to come in and accuse everyone b/c they have a different opinion then you do? And why can't you just accept the fact that although you think you are the world's most loving person, your DIL sees through you and doesn't like you? That is obviously a "different opinion", and yet it bothers you very much.
I started this thread for myself, but welcome any person in this thread with any kind of inlaw problem to come in and vent Just because you started this thread, doesn't mean that you own it. It is not just for people with an inlaw problem, it is for ANYONE who wishes to respond to the original thread you posted. YOU seem to be the one who can't handle someone who disagrees with you., if you don't like it fine, if you disagree fine...but if you really feel that way, why would you have the need to come in and discredit not just me, but others who have inlaw problems that are valid as well? Why even bother? Because when you post about your problem in a public forum you are asking for other people's opinions. If you didn't want that then you shouldn't be discussing this with strangers, or you should preface your posts with: "PEOPLE WHO AGREE WITH ME ONLY"!Is being right that important to you that you would want to be heard, or discredit their posts and mine? Go away, join in another thread...That's really quite childish, don't you think? "Wah, I am not getting my way so I am going to take my ball and go home! I'm not your best friend any more!" Really, if you are like this with your DIL, I understand why she CAN"T talk out her problems to you!
I find this very odd....do you have a problem with your mother in law...if you do, why don't you share your story...Why? What do yo uget out of it if I do? That is how things work with you from all that you have posted; everything is all hunky-dory as long as YOU are getting what you want, right? Just because your DIL doesn't like you, or do things the way that you want, or want to communicate with you, or encourage your son to want a relationship with you, doesn't make her "rotten". That was your choice of words from the get-go. You are not lookng for people to help you fix this situation, you are looking for people to tell you that you are right. I am here to tell you that you aren't...[/quote]
your right on one note, I am not looking to fix the solution...but what I am doing is trying to help others
again, you are a very angry woman....believe what you want, it's your perogative...but, I am very sorry you feel that way...
and yes, my DIL is rotten...you don't drive a wedge between a mother and son, b/c your jealous, b/c you crave a huge amount of attention...because your insecure, and you don't keep the grandchildren from the grandmother...that is rotten and cruel and thinking only of vengence.
we are both missing out on so much, she and I, as in most inlaw problems, a lot of this stuff is just foolish...like for instance, right away you took insult to my example of the curtain issue, you thought it was a real senerio...and now, you have taken that issue and twisted it to suit your purpose....why? Why are you so insulted by my feelings? Why are you so angered?
..and by your post, there is something your making out of this that is very personal to you...it's not logical...and a bit over the top...
again I ask you, what is your story...why don't we talk about it?
Everybody whoa! And calm down! So do we need to send in a neutral C-D Relationship forum team to investigate this unhappy situation first hand in order to discern the truth between creme and her DIL? No matter how the situation started, it seems to me that the DIL has dug her heels in and has selfishly decided to keep the husband and child to herself. And to me that seems extremely unfair of her to do so. I may not like my boyfriend's dad or alcoholic aunt, but I've never prevented him from seeing them. It's his family, and if I don't like them, then it's a matter of ME staying away from them in a neutral fashion. creme's DIL should be encouraging her husband and child to keep in touch with her, but instead she's made it clear that everyone has to stay away from her. And that's very cruel of her to play this immature tug o' war game with creme. These are grown woman and the DIL ought to be trying to work on a way that creme is welcome in their lives. Nowhere has this DIL given creme a list of her MIL deal breakers, she's given creme no chance to work out a peace agreement. And that's not fair to creme, her son or the child imo.
Hugs.
miu
Yes, but creme's son is an adult and also making these decisions. Creme is only assuming that it is the DIL that is insisting on this, and everyone knows what happens when you assume...
Yes, but creme's son is an adult and also making these decisions. Creme is only assuming that it is the DIL that is insisting on this, and everyone knows what happens when you assume...
I am not assuming, I have seen my DIL first hand....she is the same MO as others I've had the misfortunate to have in my life...she is controlling...and, b/c she is my son's wife there is no getting away from it...others in your life you can walk away from.
oh, and by the way, why would you go out together with your mil, with you your sister and your husband, and play a game in front of your mil, which one of you is going to be the first one to pick up a guy?????
That was in my mind, right there, the very first time after the wedding..together, a purposely orchastrated sabatoge the MIL relationship. What person would ever do such a thing in front of their inlaws?????
and again...anyone who has ever had an indifference, and who means well, and wants to honestly encourage some kind of normalcy in the relationship will sit down together and talk it out, and yes, the honesty of the talk will hurt feelings, but at least give the other person the chance to say, yanno, I didn't mean it at all like that, and I'm so sorry you took it that way...you say, I'm sorry to each other, maybe cry and maybe even hug...but you work it out...if not for your sake, my sake but for the sake of my son, your husband and my grand daughter...you don't continue this war to purposely try and ruin and older woman who means you no harm....What does anyone get out of that? why be so mean? so cruel and unthinking?
She once accussed me that when I call, I don't ask to talk to her, and I never call her. I didn't think she wanted me to, she had never shown me anything but hate....so, what do I do, 8 years ago, I started calling her...she never answered her phone, in 8 years...never answered,,,,I left 8 years of messages, she never called me back. Then one time, I mentioned to my son, that I had called, and guess what, she called me back...???????
So you can see the game she's playing, it is very evident...why in the world would you keep putting yourself is the position of being rejected...she loved that, she fed off of that, if she didn't, she would have handled the situation differently....
I mean, my son's sitting on my sofa, telling me something about his job, that wasn't even a conversation of 5 minutes, and she gets up and walks out...leaving us sitting there looking like fools...why? Why did she even bother coming over...then she goes back to his father's house...and she starts singing and humming....they were shocked to find out what happened?????? How is that normal?
and please, don't play games with me here and go wha, or tell me I'm a broken record, your making accusations, lets discuss this...go back and address each question I have asked you here...lets do it right...answer my questions...your challenging me, and I'm explaining to you what is happening...lets discuss this in an adult manner....
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I don't think that was very nice. http://bestsmileys.com/crying/8.gif (broken link)
I didn't think she wanted me to, she had never shown me anything but hate....so, what do I do, 8 years ago, I started calling her...she never answered her phone, in 8 years...never answered,,,,I left 8 years of messages, she never called me back. Then one time, I mentioned to my son, that I had called, and guess what, she called me back...???????
