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Logistically, how does a SAHM divorce her BH? Obviously the kids and I are financially dependent on him at the moment, so I am not sure where to go from here.
What do people in this situation do? Well, from my own personal experience, they probably stay in the marriage waaaaaaaaay too long because getting out is far too complicated. Well, maybe that's how it is for all divorced couples.
This is just a heartbreaking, depressing situation, and I just feel so bad for my kids as they are going to find their lives turned upside down. But I don't know if I can/want to stay in this marriage anymore. For a while now I have been weighing their happiness and well being and comfort on one hand and my own happiness on the other. The balance is really starting to shift as of late, and I have to do something for my own sanity.
Please, if there are any women out there who got divorced when they were SAHM's, how did you make it happen? Did you get yourself back to work first, or start with divorce proceedings first?
I guess I haven't decided on divorce 100%, otherwise I'd have gotten back to work already. I just don't want to change anything for the kids right now for no reason. I'd much prefer to make it work with my husband, but if it doesn't work just wondering how to proceed.......
If you don't want to talk about it on here, just DM me.
I have never been married so I can not offer advice from experience. However, the first thing I would suggest ( if you decide to go through the divorce ), is talk to a lawyer before you do anything. State laws vary and you want to make sure that you don't put yourself in a vulnerable position.
Although I have not been divorced, when our kids were little there were plenty of rocky times indeed. And as is often said, the marriage stayed together during those days because of the kids--I didn't have any income nor did I feel I could raise the kids alone. So we stayed married.
Which actually turned out to be a very good thing. The kids are now grown, over the years we have managed to fix all the problems that vexed our early marriage. We are now firmly permanently partnered together, forever and ever.
But it doesn't go so well for many folks, I know. If you're a SAHM and want to get yourself and your kids out of the marriage--you will have to get a job and income. Or go on welfare? Nobody wants that.
Yep, it's off to the daycare, off to work, off to the divorce attorney. Unless you are independently wealthy, there is no way to be a single stay at home mom.
Are you a spiritual person or open to spirituality? I would seek counseling -- at all costs. Local churches offer free counseling. You can also get plenty of books on the subject at a local faith bookstore. Also, there are marriage conferences to attend. Weekend to Remember is one. Try to get your husband to attend with you. Pray every day for God's counsel.
I am in same situation as you for many years on and off. I am SAHM, I also have chronic illnesses which makes it worse getting a good "full time job
". As if being a SAHM isn't but at least we are home. It is emotionally exhausting to stay there just for the kids. But some people have made good points about changing the kids lives, having to go on welfare, etc. It happened with my niece & nephew. My brother & his wife divorced. My SIL had an illness I believe back then, got herself through college but she was on welfare with no family help. Kids led a rough unnecessary life but what was she to do? They are now 18 & 21 and still have rough lives. It is sad that we have to suffer ourselves with unhappiness to see our kids happy. I guess that's just what us Moms do. If you need to talk, please feel free to contact me.
i was a stay at home mom with 3 young children and had not worked a full time paying job for over 13 years. It was absolutely terrifying to face a divorce, with no job and no skills and no recent work experience. It was the best thing i ever did for myself, and for my young children. It was not easy, it is the hardest thing I have ever done (I am 50 now) but it was worth it.
I had to get out before the job was in place. I became very ill. If I had NOT left the marriage I would have been dead I am certain within 6 months. I had no job, no health insurance, no prospects. It was absolutely terrifying. Don't sign ANYTHING without an attorney.
Talk to an attorney. Talk to people at women's resource centers. There is help out there. Ask women in the community who work for agencies that help women go through exactly what you are going through. Find the women's center at a nearby university and ask about the "Displaced Homemakers" programs. Believe it or not, there are oragnizations who will pay you to get training in the work force and find jobs that earn good money.
You don't have to wait to get out of the marriage until you get a job. DO begin the process as soon as you can, and take it one step at a time. You will be amazed and surprised at not only the resources available to you, but also that your health and energy and vitality will beign to improve, and continue to improve, as you take steps to live you life with respect and dignity and honesty.
also get yourself to a counselor, there are low- and no-cost options out there. It will help you face all the steps and move through the changes you are facing, and also help keep you from repeating same mistakes again. It is worth it. You are worth it.
I agree with the ones that said find a job first. You could find yourself without any income if he cancels your cc or drains the bank account. Legally he would be in the wrong, but there are ways for people to get around that and you do not want to find yourself in a shelter with your children. Unless, of course, you were being abused and then you have to get out regardless.
It's not easy at all, especially if he doesn't agree to the divorce and it can get all kinds of nasty. I waited for years to leave my husband because I was worried about the kids. And then when the behavior that made me so unhappy started happening with them, I knew it was time. Also, kids pick up on our unhappiness. Do you have a career you can fall back on?
Howdy Sunny, when we lived in Ca friends of ours were going to divorce. The mom was sahm. They heard about Marriage Encounter weekend & went (you can google it). The Encounter weekend helped them a lot. Last i heard they were still together. My Barb kept in contact with her.
Best of Luck to you & your youngsters................God Bless You
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