The elephant in the room. (girlfriend, woman, single, attracted)

[TKramar]

I promised a woman I'd come see her daughter perform tomorrow. So I'm going. But I don't really want to.

I don't know if I want to see this woman again. She considers herself to be my friend, but contacts me rarely. She used to be my girlfriend, about 20 years ago.

But I went into the Navy, and she decided not to wait for me. However, she never told me directly, and we've never spoken about it since. It's the elephant in the room that no one talks about. We're not likely to get back together, since our lives have changed so much--but how do I get past all those memories? How do I shut down all those thoughts of her that make me sick and nauseous--if I happen to see her there?

Should I just hope not to see her? Should I make some excuse about not being able to go? No--that won't work. I keep my promises, and it feels like I already promised.

[Luke55113]

Is she single? What happened between you two? How serious of a girlfreind was she? What is your freindship like now? Are you still attracted to her? Its sounds to me like you are but you were very hurt by her.

[yankeegirl313]

If she rarely contacts you, then I would make an excuse and not go.
It sounds like you have never received closure from her, hurting you when you were in the Navy. Things like that, need to be discussed openly, not buried and never talked about again, and act as if nothing ever happened.

[ellie]

Don't you already have a girlfriend? Doesn't this woman know that? Why do you think she would want to get back together with you if she left you once before?

If you don't want to go to the event, don't go. Just tell her so. Simple.

[masonsdaughter]

Tkramer, perhaps you could tell her that you would just be too uncomfortable with the situation. She may not realize the pain she caused you, or she could just be stringing you along. If this situation is so difficult for you, consider severing contact with her.

[JeepGirl118]

I agree with MasonsDaughter.
I agree with Ellie.
I agree with YankeeGirl too.

For a small fee, I will offer my candor and do it for you if you want. I accept Paypal.

[Oildog]

Sounds like there needs to be some closure on something in the past. I wouldnt go to the performance. Just tell her something came up. If she wants to discuss it further, meet for a coffee and shoot the elephant. Its the best way to move forward.

[miu]

You should let her know. If you don't feel comfortable talking it out with her, send her an email or write out your feelings first. Why keep these feelings inside? It's not much different than an adopted child wanted to know why their birth parents gave them up. No one likes being rejected, and it eats them away inside as they wonder why they weren't good enough to keep.

The explanation could be as simple as her parents telling her to use her commonsense and to forget about you as you being in the Navy, you were sure to have a girlfriend in every port. Or maybe on her own, that's what she assumed you would do.

Just ask her.

[TKramar]

Originally Posted by ellie

Don't you already have a girlfriend? Doesn't this woman know that? Why do you think she would want to get back together with you if she left you once before?

If you don't want to go to the event, don't go. Just tell her so. Simple.

That's one reason we would never get back together...

[ellie]

So essentially, you just don't want to go her daughter's event.