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Unread 04-13-2012, 12:44 PM
 
Location: VA -> CO -> VA again
4,789 posts, read 2,447,229 times
Reputation: 8257
Now what? I'd be filing for a divorce asap. If I loved a man and he couldn't have children we could figure out another way. A donor or adoption maybe. But if that man lied to me about his ability to have children and then dropped the bomb on me AFTER marrying me we would be done. A person who lies and manipulates me isn't someone I'd be interested in raising a family with, period.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 12:47 PM
 
23,497 posts, read 23,066,729 times
Reputation: 30459
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
Now what? I'd be filing for a divorce asap. If I loved a man and he couldn't have children we could figure out another way. A donor or adoption maybe. But if that man lied to me about his ability to have children and then dropped the bomb on me AFTER marrying me we would be done. A person who lies and manipulates me isn't someone I'd be interested in raising a family with, period.
Exactly. I just have always felt that the best possible thing to do is tell someone the truth right up front.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 01:12 PM
 
3,518 posts, read 2,305,163 times
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I should help you have fallen in love with this person for more than their reproductive organs. Yeah, that's something that should have been brought up sooner but it's not that big a deal as long as they're still interested in being a parent, either by donor egg/sperm/embryo, surrogacy, or adoption.

If you live your life with a "one strike and you're out" mentality then you're going to die sad and alone.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 01:15 PM
 
23,497 posts, read 23,066,729 times
Reputation: 30459
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnexpectedError View Post
I should help you have fallen in love with this person for more than their reproductive organs. Yeah, that's something that should have been brought up sooner but it's not that big a deal as long as they're still interested in being a parent, either by donor egg/sperm/embryo, surrogacy, or adoption.

If you live your life with a "one strike and you're out" mentality then you're going to die sad and alone.
Sorry. Totally disagree. The person in question had opportunities to discuss this before marriage, particularly when the OP discussed having kids. There is zero room in a marriage for dishonesty, particularly on such an important issue.

There are plenty of things one can forgive in a marriage. And there are things one cannot: Lying on this scale is one of them. Abuse is another.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 01:17 PM
Status: "RIP Ultimate Warrior." (set 14 days ago)
 
Location: South Arlington, Virginia
13,923 posts, read 15,173,063 times
Reputation: 13117
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnexpectedError View Post
I should help you have fallen in love with this person for more than their reproductive organs. Yeah, that's something that should have been brought up sooner but it's not that big a deal as long as they're still interested in being a parent, either by donor egg/sperm/embryo, surrogacy, or adoption.

If you live your life with a "one strike and you're out" mentality then you're going to die sad and alone.
This isn't a case of one strike your out. This is lying about something that would be an outright dealbreaker during the dating stage and a pattern of deceit to fraudlently marry a person.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 01:21 PM
 
Location: VA -> CO -> VA again
4,789 posts, read 2,447,229 times
Reputation: 8257
Quote:
Originally Posted by UnexpectedError View Post
I should help you have fallen in love with this person for more than their reproductive organs. Yeah, that's something that should have been brought up sooner but it's not that big a deal as long as they're still interested in being a parent, either by donor egg/sperm/embryo, surrogacy, or adoption.

If you live your life with a "one strike and you're out" mentality then you're going to die sad and alone.
I disagree too. It really doesn't have anything to do with their inability to have kids, but their willingness to lie to someone they love about something so important. It absolutely would be a big deal to me and something I couldn't get past.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Manhattan
1,193 posts, read 1,235,485 times
Reputation: 1468
This thread started in 2008. I wonder what the OP decided?

I could see it going either way if it were me. The OP is totally justified in divorcing his wife for a lie like this. Yes, there are "options" but those options are extremely expensive and tedious.

If he stayed with her, I hope it was because she was able to earn his trust again and stop lying.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 02:24 PM
 
Location: NC
13,321 posts, read 6,313,025 times
Reputation: 10039
This was not the OP's situation, it was just a hypothetical.
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Unread 04-13-2012, 02:33 PM
 
1,461 posts, read 2,132,820 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron. View Post
Let's say you married someone that never told you that they could not have children for medical reasons but you mentioned it several times while dating that you wanted children and your new bride/groom agreed that they wanted children also.

Well, you finally found out the truth......( in this order)

You ask them why they lied and never told you and their reponse was: I did not want to lose you. You're the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

What would you do: stay and work it out or go


Ron
You should do a forum search... this seems very reminiscent of many other threads
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Unread 04-13-2012, 03:50 PM
 
199 posts, read 125,577 times
Reputation: 187
On a slightly related topic.....what would be the reason behind a woman with strong maternal instincts not having any children?
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