Bank Accounts (marriages, women, separate, kids)

[ellie]

Originally Posted by babigyrl5

When you got married did you open a joint account and how was that money used? Did you keep a personal account? For those with a personal account, how much went into the joint account and how much into the personal account?
If you arent married, do you plan on opening a joint account when you do get married?

I just got off the phone with my coworker, she has been married for 2 years and I asked her if she wants to go shopping tomorrow and she said she has to check with her husband and Im like what lol and thats when she told me she closed her personal checking account when she got married and her paycheck goes in the joint account which is now "theirs" so they have to discuss everything they spend- even his haircuts! I would get a joint account for bills only but I dont know how much Id have deposited in my personal account, maybe 35%?

If I were married, I'd have to have some of my own money, especially if I earned it.

You guess we'd have to have three separate accounts? His, mine, and ours? That would be annoying. Think of all the mail.

[andreaspercheron]

Originally Posted by babigyrl5

When you got married did you open a joint account and how was that money used? Did you keep a personal account? For those with a personal account, how much went into the joint account and how much into the personal account?
If you arent married, do you plan on opening a joint account when you do get married?

I just got off the phone with my coworker, she has been married for 2 years and I asked her if she wants to go shopping tomorrow and she said she has to check with her husband and Im like what lol and thats when she told me she closed her personal checking account when she got married and her paycheck goes in the joint account which is now "theirs" so they have to discuss everything they spend- even his haircuts! I would get a joint account for bills only but I dont know how much Id have deposited in my personal account, maybe 35%?

On one hand I think she is being very respectful by checking with him first. At first glance to some it may appear that he is controlling the money but in these tough financial times, I think she is being smart about her finances. How my fiance and I work things is that he keeps everything (his money / bills) in his name and I have my money. Two seperate accounts, but I give him a certain amount of money each pay period to go towards rent and then I have a couple of specific bills I pay on my own as does he.

At this point, I don't want us to have joint accounts, I'm comfortable with the situation, it makes birthdays and Christmas and the "just because" times really nice to not have to explain where a certain dollar figure disappered to out of your account.

When we get married, I don't know if things will change. This works pretty well so why fix it?

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by babigyrl5

When you got married did you open a joint account and how was that money used? Did you keep a personal account? For those with a personal account, how much went into the joint account and how much into the personal account?
If you arent married, do you plan on opening a joint account when you do get married?

I just got off the phone with my coworker, she has been married for 2 years and I asked her if she wants to go shopping tomorrow and she said she has to check with her husband and Im like what lol and thats when she told me she closed her personal checking account when she got married and her paycheck goes in the joint account which is now "theirs" so they have to discuss everything they spend- even his haircuts! I would get a joint account for bills only but I dont know how much Id have deposited in my personal account, maybe 35%?

You know, I've known marriages to have separate checking accounts, but none of them were particularly happy, and all but one wound up in divorce.

Why? Because when you get married, it's no longer my money and your money. It's OUR money.

This is a huge distinction, for it's an important symbol of your commitment to the relationship. Setting aside 35% of your cash to put in your own account means that you're basically only putting one foot into the marriage, rather than both.

What's more, if you're not wholly committed financially to the marriage it inevitably leads to ongoing petty bickering, particularly when it comes to disproportionate incomes and expenditures. You find yourself saying, "Well, why the heck is he spending his money on a motorcycle when my car needs a new transmission?" Based on the ground rules you've set up, it's HIS money, so he can do whatever he wants with it, but you're still sitting there feeling really ticked off and resentful.

Next thing you know, you're keeping score. As in, "Well, I put $5,000 in our checking account, and you only put in $2,500....so...." See how quickly the whole thing spirals into madness?

In a good marriage, your collective needs take precedence over your individual needs. That doesn't mean that each person should go unfulfilled in life, but it does mean that you have to make economic decisions that are realistic in your life together.

So, don't do it.

[PeachyMJ]

When we were first married we did have a joint account. Then I got very tired of having to defend every purchase - no matter what it was. So, I got my own acct and paid certain bills, etc., with it. He paid other bills with his, but since he always made more than me, he did the majority of stuff. I always paid for our vehicles (that's how I worked so long, I always had a car payment LOL). Although we have separate accounts we are both on both accounts as well as our daughter in case something should happen to us and she needed money quickly. Both my civil service annuity and my SS checks go into my account. But, I still pay for our insurance, etc out of my account. I do put some of the SS check into "his" account every month. This has worked out for us - and it's been that way for at least 30 years. My husband has the most amazing budget system you will ever see. Me, I'm like Scarlette, I'll worry about it tomorrow.

[Rathagos]

Hard one to answer. When my wife and I got married, we put each others names on the accounts, but still refer to them as "hers" and "mine" just for ease of identification. The house and truck are under my account with a certain financial institution. She has student loans she's paying back and a car under her account. We keep my account only because I've had it for so long, and I've got a great relationship and reputation with them. I asked for a signature loan for a specific amount to tile my dining room and living room and had the money in my account before I got off the phone. The problem is the closest branch is about 4 1/2 hours away. So, all my transactions are over the internet or phone. Her account is with a local institution, so we do all the local stuff with her account.

[Grainraiser]

Everybody has different spending habits. You have to do what works best for your marriage. There is not right or wrong way. The right way is the one that works for both parties. We have a joint account for the bills and household expenses and separate accts for personal use. Works great for us. My brother and his wife have one joint acct and it works fine for them.

[babigyrl5]

Originally Posted by future1

In my opinion each party needs a separate amount of money to just do with as they chose. It would be crappy to buy a present and have the person see what you spent if there are only joint accounts. A main account for joint expenses makes sense if each person has something of their own.

oh with that they no longer get and give birthday/christmas/valentines day gifts, they buy things they need for the house like a new tv or new vent for the dryer...

[babigyrl5]

Originally Posted by Mr.Cat

The wife and I have our separate accounts. On mine (since I get paid more) we handle the bills and miscellanuous expenses. On hers, she splits her check, $500 go straight to the savings and the remainder goes to the checking. When we balance our check books at the end of the month, whatever money is left on both savings goes to the savings.

nice plan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[stan4]

Originally Posted by cpg35223

You know, I've known marriages to have separate checking accounts, but none of them were particularly happy, and all but one wound up in divorce.

Why? Because when you get married, it's no longer my money and your money. It's OUR money.

This is a huge distinction, for it's an important symbol of your commitment to the relationship. Setting aside 35% of your cash to put in your own account means that you're basically only putting one foot into the marriage, rather than both.

What's more, if you're not wholly committed financially to the marriage it inevitably leads to ongoing petty bickering, particularly when it comes to disproportionate incomes and expenditures. You find yourself saying, "Well, why the heck is he spending his money on a motorcycle when my car needs a new transmission?" Based on the ground rules you've set up, it's HIS money, so he can do whatever he wants with it, but you're still sitting there feeling really ticked off and resentful.

Next thing you know, you're keeping score. As in, "Well, I put $5,000 in our checking account, and you only put in $2,500....so...." See how quickly the whole thing spirals into madness?

In a good marriage, your collective needs take precedence over your individual needs. That doesn't mean that each person should go unfulfilled in life, but it does mean that you have to make economic decisions that are realistic in your life together.

So, don't do it.

I don't know about that. Maybe some marriages transcend stupid crap like money? Or maybe you see eye-to-eye so well on money matters that you don't need the constant tab-keeping?

We have vastly disproportionate incomes, but we have our accounts separate. When we got married, I put her on one of my credit cards. She uses my checkbook to pay most of the bills. I just sign the checks - that way I can also see what our expenses are and what's going on with us financially.

My wife knows she can spend however much she wants on whatever she wants, but she is even more frugal than I am, so it's easy to trust. We already discuss all our purchases, anyway, so it's not like there is 'permission' or 'sneakiness.'

I tell her to buy nice things for herself and she tells me to buy nice things for myself, but in the end, neither of us buy anything and we just laugh about how we are.

We should always have enough for life's necessities, and since neither of us is really super into life's luxuries, why is there any problem or reason to create 'joint accounts' as some sort of lame and fake symbol of our fidelity and commitment?

It's completely random and/or it says, "This is a symbol of my commitment to you b/c money is the most important thing in my life and I am sharing it with you." That doesn't work if money is not the most important thing in your life.

And I know plenty of divorced people who had joint accounts. All that did was create a financial nightmare when they divorced and tried to figure it all out.

[stan4]

p.s. We have not had one single argument about money in the 3 1/2 years we've been together. B/c we just don't care enough about money to let it ruin our relationship.