Sexual boundaries (attractive, beautiful, friendship, feelings)
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I think the best relationships come when you're friends first. My husband and I were friends first. I liked him, I let it be known and now we've been married for almost 5 years!!
There is a chance, however, that things don't work out. The question then would be, are you ready to handle the consequences?
You see, to me it just means that it wasn't a 'good, solid' relationship to begin with. Unless one of you wants to be just friends and the other wants a partner. In which case, don't do it.
We both want a healthy relationship, with a strong friendship basis.
From my experience, if the sexual attraction is there.. it will happen. Talk or no talk, it will happen. Especially if you both have a lot of common ground with your personalities, interests and hobbies, etc.
I think you need to answer yourself what direction you want this relationship to go in? Are you working towards bf/gf? Or, do you want this to be JUST a platonic friendship?
If you're dating and really pursuing him as a prospect, then things will happen when they are ready. If you want to hold off on it, absolutely do not put yourself in a situation that could lead to it (staying at his/your house late, especially after drinking!). If you want to have the boundary drawn, you can't tempt yourself to cross it.
If you decide that he is just fun to go out with, but not a prospect for a future together, then you have two options. Don't do it and take a small step back to get him out of your head, or do it and get it over with. If you take a step back, you have to keep communications open or you will loose the relationship. If you do it, be prepaid for a whole lotta mixed emotions. I've been down this road.. and was actually able to keep the friendship! It did cause a couple months of ups and downs with him because all of a sudden we knew more intimate details of each other than before, and of course the emotions that are attached. It is one thing to have sex with someone you'll most likely never see again, it is completely different to have sex with someone you do care about... but not like that. The biggest problem I encountered with my situation is that it was so good that he and I wanted more for the physical gradification, but it required an emotional disattachment to do so.
So, yes, it can be done. You can have sex and keep the friendship. But, the friendship will change and never be the same again, and it will not be easy to keep the friendship at all.
I agree with your comments "hoboken", I don't understand what it is she wants? I would wait of course until they decide if they want to date. They shouldn't just have sex just because.
I hate games also!!! Just talk it out and decide what you want!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
I can understand this.
I absolutely disagree with this. Sex does not ruin a good relationship, it enhances it. Even if you have only known the person a short time.
This sounds way too thought out and contrived to me. It starts to rob the relationship of the beauty of spontaniety. If you guys get on well, really like each other and have a good relationship so far, then putting these barriers in place of sex will ruin the relationship far quicker than the sex would IMHO.
Why play games? I really HATE relationship games! Go with the flow and let the relationship evolve into what it can be. If that includes sex together, then as long as you are careful, then just let it happen.
If neither of you are looking for FWB then it just sounds like the start of a great relationship both physical, and emotional. Why does one aspect have to be excluded?
It sounds like you are over complicating the relationship, which is a shame because it sounds like you really like him.
It sounds like you are over complicating the relationship, which is a shame because it sounds like you really like him.
Yeah I guess I do like him, I think I've been trying to convince myself that I don't.
He's just so amazingly funny and caring and intelligent and witty and loving and compassionate and attractive. I feel like I could tell him anything, I've never met anyone like him before.
yes, I guess you have to decide if you want to start dating. Otherwise, don't have sex. There doesn't seem to be another option, unless you have sex, nothing more.. you have sex as friends, you decide to date and have sex.
You haven't answered what it is you want from him or what you expect to happen?
I'd like to wait and see what evolves from where we are, I don't hold a whole lot of expectations at this point. I guess I'm sort of watering the seed so to speak to see how it blossoms, I don't want to dig it up before it's been given a chance.
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In which case, don't do it.
