ok here we go.... advice (married, women, love, single)

[firehawk]

yes, i did say i would post something when i have the courage to do so - i kind of do but dont. so, this is a delicate matter and I really would like people to UNDERSTAND, read carefully and be sensible and mature please. I cannot stress that enough... with respect

I have a hard time trying to find a nice lady. I do not do one night stands, or flings. I never have done that and dont see the point in them, its not my nature. (I also have a strict up bringing).

I have only ever been with 1 woman in my life. Unfortunately that didnt last as it should have done as well, she was twisted in the end.

I have never EVER had a hug, or a kiss, or a friendly peck on the cheek in my life until her. I am ever so grateful for that but I am also saddened.


Any way, to cut to the chase, I have noticed for a LONG time now (and I have alot of experience, and I am professional as well as a mentor) that things have just degraded in general when it comes to women (or men ... please dont think I am a sexist. I am not, im just stating from MY experience).

Example, no one wants a decent relationship or to be with a "decent" man but they complain about it. however when they find someone like that, they are far too picky on looks in general. initially its all about looks.... and nothing else. we all cannot be "white, fit and sexy".... it doesnt work like that im afraid. Either accept us, or dont.

So no matter what I try and do (and believe me, I dont over try or over do it).... i can never even get a single date.

It's come to the point in my life where part of my system is fully shut down, if that makes sense and I am also finding it physically hard to talk. I am however a very positive person (for those who have seen my intro thread) but even the most positive and decent person has down times, just like you and me right?

Was my birthday recently and again a depressing sight. single, alone, no presents. just a normal day but wasting away.... its not good.


I guess I just want to know why are they so picky and choosy and fussy? of course, they would still be single but still not find someone if they are like that, know what I mean?

Everything goes well in regards to email correspondence.... "yes you are soo true and too good." "you are very passionate and no one is like that".... etc... etc.. - all good positive responses..... then time comes for a trade of pictures, I send mine and boom - they run off. So hang on, what the hell just happened? Just because I am not of their physical liking changes 180? :-/ To me, thats indecent and shallow and its things like that which makes them single


Again, PLEASE do not think I am sexist or anything of the sort. I am just stating from my LARGE experience, and pain, this is how it is. I have tried alot to change things but only so much I can do. I am open for constructive criticism - its what I live on and love to do, but there is a point where.... you have reached all possible ways.

long thread, boring, the usual yes I know. alot of people have relationship problems these days, more and more each and everyday, its a fact.

why can I not just be with someone nice, not having to worry about anything else but look forward to "coming home" to someone, cuddling up and being close without silly mind games or anything of the sort?

I dunno, sometimes I do wonder if there is more to life than just to work and pay off bills. I also am beginning to think that what I see outside where there are "couples" are just an illusion or just a trick or something and that what I am thinking does not exist

Sorry - I am on a low. Thats all I can say.


I hope you can understand some what and try to help. I would much appreciate it. I'm sure you wouldnt like it.... so try to put yourself in my shoes if you can


Thank-you all. Take care of yourselves

[Driller1]

Try asking a girl out that isn't a 10. Try a 4 or 5. Not saying it as to be long lasting but, who knows?? May you will like her. If not, your still out in the game.

[JeepGirl118]

Happy belated birthday, Fire. Sorry to hear you are on the low.

Without elaborating on my opinion of how physical attraction is important, it is not "thee" most important. Even I have to keep reminding myself of this, admittedly, I have a slight shallow streak. I am not sure how many women think of terms of "here today, gone tomorrow," but it does cross my mind when "evaluating" a man - "If this beautiful man were in an accident tomorrow and his skin got wiped off his skull, would I still feel the same for him and want to stay by his side?" Meaning, there has to be more inside of him to invest in, as opposed to the exterior. It's a very real possibility, can happen to any one of us. Are some people that shallow? Why, yes, they are. We live in a society where we are programmed about what is considered beautiful. Women, like men, are hard-wired for millions of years to select their partner by "child bearing standards." Men, like women, tend to gravitate toward the sort of woman that he finds appealing to bear his children (looks, brains, etc.) - even if he doesn't want any. A woman, the same in the opposite fashion. Then you have the select few that are just shallow for the purpose that they are so short on themselves, they literally pick the opposite gender to make them look and feel good about themselves - a trophy of a sort, even if the word "trophy" is not their exact mindset. It's more deeply seeded than that.

Why not post your picture immediately for women to see instead of hiding it until after someone gets to know you? It's like hiding. Don't you want someone to be attracted to you physically? We're sexual creatures, attraction matters to a degree, whatever that degree is to each. Unfortunately, upon meeting and at first glimpse, physical attraction does not always take a back seat. It is what it is.

As for the couples you see. . . everyone has their issues. Not everything is as it appears in passing. When I was married, we seemed like the perfect couple from the outside, we had our act down pat for others to see - and we only let them see what we allowed them to. Don't be misled by exactly what you called it, the "illusion."

Hang in there, it will fall in your lap when you're not looking for it. Everything happens when it is supposed to. You have not been overlooked in the plan.

[firehawk]

thanks i appreciate that. the thing is, if i post a picture, i will not get any responses... if i dont... then i get alot of responses because they like the content and that is me. know what I mean?

so basically the way i feel and see it is that im not allowed to have anyone at all. not good at all... what if you (as an example) werent physically attractive? then how would you feel? Know what I mean

when you get older, you are less attractive than at a young age right? looks fade.... but inside strengthens. know what I mean?

ive been single way over a year, and before then i only was in a relationship for 4.5 months... and before then, nothing.

i feel very cold and alone. you have no idea

[LynnePatrice]

I think what you are saying is you are meeting women on line correct? I really believe that isn't the best way to go. I have many friends who have done this and some have had good experiences, but most have not.

Where else have you tried to meet women? Do you attend a church? Community events? Maybe join a group of some sort?

Also, is there anything about your appearance that seems to be pushing them away? IF so, is it something you can change or would like to change? Most of us get help with the looks department to some extent (i.e., working out, great hair cut, nice clothes, makeup). It may sound shallow, but taking pride in ones appearance is important.

I truly wish you luck. It's no fun feeling lonely.

[firehawk]

thanks lynne. I appreciate that. thing is, its not good being rejected... and being shallow is so wrong on many levels. what if the person was the hottest person ever but had no brains? Or what if they had 1 wrinkle.... then what?

there is nothing i can change about me unless i have severe plastic surgeory and also change the color of my skin.

im not white, or black. but still race shouldnt be a problem but it is. just makes no sense.... *sigh*

I dont go out much as I keep myself busy for these reasons, but even when I do... I tried say at a bowling alley or cinema.... or even striking a conversation wherever. no go. The usual "you are not my type" - but how when its not even been 3 minutes chatting to each other?

but then I have seen men who are far worse than me but have the most beautiful women, then makes me wonder hmm... could it be the $$$? cos if so - I have that too (not that it bothers me)

i dunno maybe i should stop talking because... well yeh. hmm. just not good at all. i see no reason why there should be restrictions and making everyone feel unwanted/rejected. there is no need for that. you live once...

[Twinkle Toes]

I agree with what JeepGirl said. People are initially attracted to someone they find attractive. Looks matter, to a degree. Have you thought about having a makeover? I know you're a guy, but maybe a new hairstyle, some corrective dental work or whatever you think you might need? I'm not talking about going overboard and turning into Joan Rivers. I know you were reluctant to post your story because people in these forums can be really cruel. So, I imagine asking you to post a pic of yourself for us to give you some ideas is out of the question. But, maybe consider it. Ultimately, people should like you for YOU - not for how you look, but we are only human and we have our likes and dislikes.

[JeepGirl118]

Originally Posted by firehawk

thanks i appreciate that. the thing is, if i post a picture, i will not get any responses... if i dont... then i get alot of responses because they like the content and that is me. know what I mean?

so basically the way i feel and see it is that im not allowed to have anyone at all. not good at all... what if you (as an example) werent physically attractive? then how would you feel? Know what I mean

when you get older, you are less attractive than at a young age right? looks fade.... but inside strengthens. know what I mean?

ive been single way over a year, and before then i only was in a relationship for 4.5 months... and before then, nothing.

i feel very cold and alone. you have no idea

Fire, negativity attracts negativity. You know this, guy.

Better to post it and know who is sincere in contacting you/responding to your initial contact - than setting yourself up in a situation where you feel put on the spot. You are beating yourself down by doing this, not being fair to self-first.

Do not agree with the 'as you get older, looks fade" bit. And are you kidding me. . . men get MUCH hotter as they get older, much hotter. Don't even get me started on this. You have that in your corner, totally.

How old are you, Fire?

[firehawk]

thanks twinkle. well my teeth are all in tact and straight! healthy teeth. have a good haircut (I like to keep it short and style it, think i look pretty nifty/cool if i do say so myself... haha). other than that... nothing else.

have a makeover? hmm not my thing. but even if that were the case, im sure women would know and laugh louder than they already do. besides who would give me a makeover? I dont have anyone


point is, i have so much to give.... unlike any other, but how can I when i cannot cross that line to the other side? I give alot of good advice and boost people for the better, motivate them... but i get nothing in return. only thing is "thanks you are awesome and make so much sense" etc... which is nice... but anything else. nothing.

Thanks Twinkly



jeep - i am not negitive at all believe me but there comes a point....

how old am I? Old enough I cannot wait either way as ive been waiting way way too long. FAR too long. im not going to wait till I am 50... life would be a waste. i am of average age but even then age shouldnt matter. people younger than me have already had relationshps are are in one..me? nothing

[JeepGirl118]

Hey! I was thinking!

Can you send me a pic? Maybe you are my type...how tall are you?