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Yes, I'm sure you have all heard that statement before. I know I have and I never really took it to heart until recently.
How does a person get back to who they are, when they don't even remember who they were?
I got married young, and was married for over 7 years (together almost 10) and now its over. Now what?
Everything has happened so fast (papers filed in September, divorced by mid October), that I am still reeling. I must also add that the reason I am now divorced is totally my doing.
Any tips, advice etc would be greatly appreciated.
Take time to heal from your divorce. First thing I would suggest, is to stop looking back, and taking blame. If you don`t, then you may never be able to find yourself again, and move forward with your life.
We all make mistakes in life, but we cannot dwell on them and let them hold us back from the rest of our life.
You will find yourself again....give it some time!
If you've only been divorced one month you haven't remotely begun to give yourself enough time to get over the relationship, let alone pick up the pieces. As a divorcee myself, I can tell you that you are going need more than a month to process everything. You don't say how young you were, but even at that time you had a dream, a goal. Go back to it. How does that dream fit the person you are now? (After a ten year relationship there's no way you are in the same space.) If that dream will no longer fits who you are, then use it as a guide to discover a new goal. Good Luck.
It's time to make a fresh start and that can be scary. Do you have any friends? Do you work? Don't worry so much about trying to find out who you used to be. Who do you want to be now? What are your interests? Do some volunteering. Take some classes. Learn something new. Join a club. The possibilities are endless but you have to get out there and be willing to try new things. It's ok if you don't like everything you try but you will be closer to finding "you".
Good luck and think of this as a new beginning. Make life an adventure.
Is it impolite to ask what believe you did to cause this, and are you happy with the outcome or did you not want the divorce? At any rate, hope you cheer up soon .
Yes, I'm sure you have all heard that statement before. I know I have and I never really took it to heart until recently.
How does a person get back to who they are, when they don't even remember who they were?
I got married young, and was married for over 7 years (together almost 10) and now its over. Now what?
Everything has happened so fast (papers filed in September, divorced by mid October), that I am still reeling. I must also add that the reason I am now divorced is totally my doing.
Any tips, advice etc would be greatly appreciated.
You sound like me lol....been with my husband for 10 years...since I was 17 and a junior in HS....Luckily I had a strong mother who tought me to always be true to myself...so I never lost sight of who I am as an individual. I really don't think anyone looses a sense of who they are you just need to find a way to get back in touch with that person.....deep down you know. Take some you time and it will all come together.
First of all, even though you are the one that caused the end (as you stated), there is no reason to beat yourself up for it. We all make mistakes, and do stupid things, and often times these actions cause us to lose something that we "think" we need. However, these mistakes are actually blessings- now that you know the probable outcome, and the emotions that will follow, you will work hard to not make the same errors down the line when the "real" right person comes along.
No matter what you did, if he was so loving and committed to you, he would still be around. It's better that this happened now then down the line when you were deeper in the relationship. Even if the event was you cheating, there was a reason for it, something lacking in your relationship. This wouldn't make it ok, far from it... but it would be an indication that failure was inevitable anyway.
Use it as an experience to better yourself with, and move on. Don't force yourself to, and don't put a time limit on it- it will happen when you least expect it. Just move through every day, and really "put yourself into" whatever you are doing at each moment. Before long, these new experiences will be the focus of your attention. I believe, although some may think I am crazy, that the more new experiences we have, and the more new information we gather, makes our older memories even more cloudy, and emotions attached to them lessen. The human mind is incredible, but there is only so much usable space!
Is it impolite to ask what believe you did to cause this, and are you happy with the outcome or did you not want the divorce? At any rate, hope you cheer up soon .
Its fine to ask. I had an affair which I am not proud of by any means. I'm still trying to figure out how I let this happen. I am not going to make excuses for what I did, it was wrong and a terrible thing to do to someone.
I had a very traumatic and stressful two years and I felt empty and alone. I should have turned to my husband but instead I began shutting him out. In June I reconnected with a guy I had gone to school with. At first it was a simple friendship but it soon became more. Which resulted in the obvious and in me leaving my husband for him. Now that everything is said and done all I can keep thinking is WHAT DID I DO?????
The saying of the grass isn't greener on the other side is ringing true.
I want my life back, the one I gave up.
My husband(ex husband whatever) is willing to take me back after all I have done. I know I must find out who I am now before I can even attempt build a relationship be it old or new.
At the end of the day, we must live with the choices we have made. You hit a fork in the road, and took a right instead of a left. That path travels somewhere different, but not necessarily worse than the other. You simply haven't taken it far enough to see where it leads.
My husband(ex husband whatever) is willing to take me back after all I have done. I know I must find out who I am now before I can even attempt build a relationship be it old or new.
You sound confused. If your husband is willing to take you back after the affair, then salute to him... he must be a forgiving man.
It sounds like you need to take a step back, before you can move forward. Ask yourself what is it that you REALLY want out of life?
Is it your ex? Are you missing something, that he cannot give you?
Ask yourself these questions, or maybe I am going the wrong direction with this. Maybe you are wanting out, to find "yourself" again, etc.
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As a divorcee myself, I can tell you that you are going need more than a month to process everything. You don't say how young you were, but even at that time you had a dream, a goal. Go back to it. How does that dream fit the person you are now? (After a ten year relationship there's no way you are in the same space.) If that dream will no longer fits who you are, then use it as a guide to discover a new goal. Good Luck.
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