Future Spouse Post-Grad Celebration (married, guy, Chinese, younger)

[sms0511]

Originally Posted by mrstewart

Including a gift registry, place of registration or even a suggestion of a gift is considered in poor taste...Do you have an Emily Post handy? The protocol will be addressed in there.

No, is Emily Post the title of book? I know, I really do NOT want to go to the gift registry route.... however, seeing how these people can be such... freeloaders.. makes me beyond irritated. You're right, I can't go down to their level and be as "crude".

So.. let's say if there is a couple that show up with no gift and end up munching away like nothing's wrong, should I just turn the other way around and not show any disgust?

[mrstewart]

Originally Posted by vukinjo

Maybe its just me, but I wouldn't even think of someone who didn't bring a gift as being tacky. It seems to me you are pretty caught up in whether or not your SO is going to get presents.

No, I think she may not have really hosted an event as important as this one and she wants it to be perfect. Better to ask the question than "wing it" and things go wrong.

[sms0511]

Yes, that's right! The event is NOT for me, it's for my future hubby. And yes, I want it to be perfect, and unfortunately, to the risk of me being referred as tacky.

Look, if I were to have the reception held in a cheap place like TGIF, I can see how some people can just show w/ no gifts at all.

BUT, BUT, the reception will be held at a fancy place (similar to Ruth Chris Steakhouse). I don't know about anyone else, but if I were invited to a nice restaurant AND have my meals paid for, it's the courteous thing for me to give back a small gift as a gesture of gratitude.

Get it, VUKINJO?

[mrstewart]

Originally Posted by sms0511

No, is Emily Post the title of book? I know, I really do NOT want to go to the gift registry route.... however, seeing how these people can be such... freeloaders.. makes me beyond irritated. You're right, I can't go down to their level and be as "crude".

So.. let's say if there is a couple that show up with no gift and end up munching away like nothing's wrong, should I just turn the other way around and not show any disgust?

No need to be angry...everyone is different and have different expectations of gifts.

Be the perfect hostess...smile, welcome the guests with open arms and just enjoy your boyfriends day and accomplishments with those that are important to him.

Emily Post is the Etiquette guru and she has many books but she also has a website, I believe.

If you cannot find anything online, I have her books and will look it up...yep, I'm a dork!

[sms0511]

Originally Posted by mrstewart

No need to be angry...everyone is different and have different expectations of gifts.

Be the perfect hostess...smile, welcome the guests with open arms and just enjoy your boyfriends day and accomplishments with those that are important to him.

Emily Post is the Etiquette guru and she has many books but she also has a website, I believe.

If you cannot find anything online, I have her books and will look it up...yep, I'm a dork!

Since you have the book, can you quote on what she said on this dilemma? Now that I think about it, there have been times that I witnessed people as guests to my friends' weddings and not bear ANY gifts. RUDE!!

[plaidmom]

Originally Posted by sms0511

Since you have the book, can you quote on what she said on this dilemma? Now that I think about it, there have been times that I witnessed people as guests to my friends' weddings and not bear ANY gifts. RUDE!!

Polite wedding guests generally send wedding gifts ~before~ the wedding.

I must ask; where is your mother???

[sms0511]

Originally Posted by plaidmom

Polite wedding guests send wedding gifts ~before~ the wedding.

I have to ask; where is your mother???

What does that suppose to mean? If you reread what I said, it was me OBSERVING guests at my friends' wedding that did not bear any gifts before or at the wedding. True, the gifts should have been sent BEFORE the wedding takes place, but try going to Target or Bed Bath N Beyond on "wedding season" and see the long lines from people buying gifts for the wedding that are due in 3 HOURS! Yep, buying the gift AT the wedding day is just as tacky, but that's my observation.

You are so full of assumptions!

[plaidmom]

[vukinjo]

Originally Posted by sms0511

Yes, that's right! The event is NOT for me, it's for my future hubby. And yes, I want it to be perfect, and unfortunately, to the risk of me being referred as tacky.

Look, if I were to have the reception held in a cheap place like TGIF, I can see how some people can just show w/ no gifts at all.

BUT, BUT, the reception will be held at a fancy place (similar to Ruth Chris Steakhouse). I don't know about anyone else, but if I were invited to a nice restaurant AND have my meals paid for, it's the courteous thing for me to give back a small gift as a gesture of gratitude.

Get it, VUKINJO?

I get it. I would also bring a gift. I would not however be concerned whether anyone else did. I would also bring a gift if it was in a "cheap" place like TGIF. God forbid you spend money on a fancy place and someone doesn't bring your future husband a present. The horror

If you are so concerned about someone "freeloading", don't invite them for Pete's sake.

[mrstewart]

OK, I have a quote from Amy Vanderbilt and it is in reference to wedding gift registries...but it still applies...

"No girl should allow the store at which she is registered to send out notices to her friends and wedding guest list that she is registered there. That is the rank commercialism and the height of bad taste. Tf the girl has registered, she must trust family and friends to spread the word."

I know I have seen your particular issue addressed and I will scour my books to find it and call my "protocol" friend...