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Old 12-05-2008, 01:40 PM
8,137 posts, read 11,965,899 times
Reputation: 6967


Are people better off with someone just like them or with someone who complements them? I've tried both approaches and each had their plusses and minuses. When I dated someone just like me, we never ran out of things to talk about cause we had so much in common. But we also had the same bad qualities and it felt like we were only reinforcing that in each other. When I dated someone who was my complete opposite, it was fun for a while, but I felt like we had to struggle to make it work. She was really restless and high-strung while I wasn't. She was very outgoing and I was more reserved. A lot of times, I felt I was holding her back. In some ways, we were a good influence on one another, but in other ways, it felt like we were both better off with someone more like us.

Where do you land in this debate and what has your experience been with dating someone just like you versus dating someone your complete opposite?
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Old 12-05-2008, 02:12 PM
9,809 posts, read 17,514,280 times
Reputation: 7471
Statistics show that people in relationships that are alike one another stay together longer and are happier.
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Old 12-05-2008, 02:13 PM
Location: MA/NH
14,471 posts, read 30,388,572 times
Reputation: 11957
I feel that it's very important that my s/o compliment me and that together we are a great team. However, someone that compliments me doesn't necessarily have to be my opposite. In many ways, my boyfriend is very similar to me in terms of smarts and personality. Where I beat him is my having more patience than he and picking my battles carefully. I feel that I know when to back down in a situation.... but maybe that's more of a male/female dynamic going on. Overall, we both like to lead, but naturally take turns doing it. Or it's that he values my knowledge and opinions, doesn't question what I am up to, just as I don't question his actions.

I couldn't be in a relationship where the man was totally submissive to me, or not as smart as I am. So no opposites for me.
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Old 12-05-2008, 02:15 PM
Location: Cincinnati via Chicago...Michigan next?
926 posts, read 2,244,497 times
Reputation: 397
I want someone like me since its so hard finding someone who enjoys the same things I do...but I am attracted to people opposite me, I like "edgy" guys- I can be prim and proper and I like someone with a little street smarts
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Old 12-05-2008, 02:17 PM
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,461 posts, read 33,178,632 times
Reputation: 12927
I think you have to have a lot of similarities with only a few differences otherwise it is nothing but a struggle, hassle and fight. Trust me, I'm livin' it now!
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Old 12-05-2008, 02:18 PM
28,908 posts, read 40,878,218 times
Reputation: 45465
It's a little of both. You both need to have the same core values towards the important things in life, such as raising children, having mutual respect, and how to handle disputes.

At the same time, it would be boring if you just found a close of yourself. Different interests, different opinions, and different priorities force you outside of your own comfort zone and help you grow as a person.
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Old 12-05-2008, 02:27 PM
Location: SUNNY AZ
4,589 posts, read 11,104,873 times
Reputation: 1816
I vote for complements.......it's so boaring to have somone JUST like you.....for me at least....I need somone who I can learn from...somone who makes things new and exciting.....just my preferences of course....everyone has their own.
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Old 12-05-2008, 04:51 PM
809 posts, read 2,409,468 times
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I feel like I need someone who has SOME of the same interests as me, but is opposite in some ways also. Because then he can teach me to be stronger in the areas that I'm weak and vice versa, I can teach him how to be stronger in his weaker areas. This is exactly the mindset that me and my boyfriend have. We have a lot of the same interests (cars, motorcycles, music, etc) but he has some interests that I'm not really into (like weightlifting to get really BIG)..... and he's not into some of my interests (like pottery and planes).....

when it comes to the emotional part of it I'm weak in the sense that I beat myself up, he doesn't, so he supports me when I get down on myself. I support him when he isn't really sure how to show his emotions or when he's a little too harsh. I let him know upfront in a calm way when he's being too harsh and he realizes it and then tries to be a little less harsh in the future.

We similar and opposite in many ways.
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Old 12-05-2008, 08:49 PM
Location: Great Plains
25,358 posts, read 26,820,729 times
Reputation: 22389
Originally Posted by wanneroo View Post
Statistics show that people in relationships that are alike one another stay together longer and are happier.
Where are these studies?

I honestly think its a ballancing act. But miu made an excellent point. Compliment each other without being polar opposite.
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Old 12-05-2008, 09:09 PM
Location: In AZ but my home is Wi.
24,943 posts, read 22,149,843 times
Reputation: 42783
Similarities are good, but dont bend your lifestyle to be too much like the other person, because you take away from your own likings, happiness, just to chameleon to someone else.
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