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No, I agree with you. If there's no physical attraction, it won't last. I think people are confusing being attracted to a partner with a partner being attractive in general. A person doesn't have to be good looking in terms of what society deems for you to be attracted to them. When you get to know someone and start falling for them, you become attracted to them whether they are considered "good looking" or not! There is nothing superficial or immature about that at all - in fact, it's the exact opposite of superficial and immature. It shows that you can be attracted to people who are not neccessarily "attractive".
PA2UK[/b] ] No, I agree with you. If there's no physical attraction, it won't last. I think people are confusing being attracted to a partner with a partner being attractive in general. A person doesn't have to be good looking in terms of what society deems for you to be attracted to them. When you get to know someone and start falling for them, you become attracted to them whether they are considered "good looking" or not! There is nothing superficial or immature about that at all - in fact, it's the exact opposite of superficial and immature. It shows that you can be attracted to people who are not neccessarily "attractive".
Quote:
Originally Posted by KardoulaMou
Bingo!
This is nicely written and I have difficulty disagreeing with you at all, but if you re-read point #9, this is not what the writer said!
Being attracted to the entire package is very important but now days, few get to know what many "packages" really are. They set their filter on superficial physical attraction and that's that. Then it becomes dysfunctional when they let this blind them to the many very important points made in this article.
However, overall the article is poor since it makes some points rather poorly as well. If most women really used this article as a checklist, they'd never get married. Some compromise is essential. Some points are WAY more important than others.
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This is nicely written and I have difficulty disagreeing with you at all, but if you re-read point #9, this is not what the writer said!
I have read it and reread it and my comments still stand as they are. There is no suggestion that she is talking about immediate physical attraction, that's just how you've decided to infer it. She clearly mentioned marriage twice, ie, "don't marry someone you're not attracted to" - nowhere does she say "don't even consider getting to know someone you're not immediately attracted to". She never uses the word "immediate" or a synonym anywhere. She even mentions the word love, "many women who do marry someone they aren't physically attracted to and in love with" - this clearly suggests she's talking about a physical attraction associated with the emotional attraction you feel for someone you've gotten to know and fallen in love with. It's so obvious she's saying "if you've gotten to know him and still aren't physically attracted to him or in love with him, don't marry him". Maybe she could have made it clearer but I struggle to understand how people can interpret even the mention of the word love as shallow and immature.
And remember, the title of the article is "20 Signs You're Dating Mr. Wrong" - she's talking about women who are already dating someone they are not attracted to, not someone they've taken one look at and are not yet attracted to.
Quote:
However, overall the article is poor since it makes some points rather poorly as well. If most women really used this article as a checklist, they'd never get married. Some compromise is essential. Some points are WAY more important than others.
Yep, that's why I posted a link to a different checklist. I don't necessarily agree with everything she has said but I do think some people are completely taking certain things she has said the wrong way.
"many women who do marry someone they aren't physically attracted to and in love with" - this clearly suggests she's talking about a physical attraction associated with the emotional attraction you feel for someone you've gotten to know and fallen in love with.
Now you seem to be putting words in her mouth. She's talking about a situation where the woman is not being physically attracted yet the woman may be in love with the man. She says you need both. So you MUST be physically attracted - no "associations". I know what that means but there is room for different preferences with respect to what women find physically attractive. I guess that may be a woman's wish but it seems like a very minor issue compared to the incredible importance of many the rest.
Of course, for many, its the number one priority and I just take issue with that. Usually leads to divorce. People's appearance can change very quickly after marriage. If this is your primary consideration, be prepared for the worst when that happens.
Now you seem to be putting words in her mouth. She's talking about a situation where the woman is not being physically attracted yet the woman may be in love with the man. She says you need both. So you MUST be physically attracted - no "associations". I know what that means but there is room for different preferences with respect to what women find physically attractive. I guess that may be a woman's wish but it seems like a very minor issue compared to the incredible importance of many the rest.
Of course, for many, its the number one priority and I just take issue with that. Usually leads to divorce. People's appearance can change very quickly after marriage. If this is your primary consideration, be prepared for the worst when that happens.
lol I'm not putting words in her mouth, I absolutely agree couples need both physical attraction and love. My mom always told me a successful marriage needs both friendship and passion. Love AND physical attraction. This is coming from a woman who has been happily married for over 30 years. She also told me, if you love someone or even if you're infactuated, they become attractive to you even if they weren't initially. And I found this to be true in my own experiences - my most serious relationships have always been with guys I was not initially physically attracted to but as I got to know them, I couldn't keep my hands off them! Appearance doesn't necessarily have anything to do with physical attraction - YOU are the one making that association.
I have just two but they incorporate a lot of what you say.
1) I want to meet a woman who has it together. I worked long and hard to get where I am and desire to meet women who also has these characteristics. To succeed now days takes discipline and foresight.
2) Relationships and marriage should not be something they desire exclusively for what it does for them. It should benefit both parties. I find that many want a relationship and marriage for status, money or to have somebody who will look after them, cater to their neuroses or constantly reaffirm and reassure them that they are beautiful or whatever else they are worried about. These relationships are built on sand from the start.
What is unfortunate today is that most men who demonstrate solid characteristics take years to get the education and experience so that they are able to contemplate marriage. By that time, the pickings are really thin. The good prospects that I encountered in my twenties were snapped up by those men with economic advantage or less commitment to making something of themselves. They are not the divorcees that one encounters once you reach your 30s.
Hang in there. I found a number of decent gals in their 30's\40's once I was thrust back into the dating scene. Basically, women that either didn't have it together in their 20's per se or most commonly....women who had guys that flaked out on them with regards to cheating, drugs, alchohol etc. Basically, look for a really great woman that some dumbass let get away because well...he was a dumbass.
Here's one I'm surprised no one has brought up for either men or women:
-- He/She is inconsiderate of others. I don't mean that the SO has to behave like Miss Manners or Politenessman all the time. However, that person needs to move through life not assuming the world revolves around them. The tip-offs?
1) Never on time, and not even close. Time is the stuff life is made of. Somebody who cannot be reasonably punctual is one of two things--either inconsiderate of your time or chronically disorganized. Neither quality is fun to have in a relationship.
2) The Waiter Test. If you've been on this board enough, you've heard of this foolproof litmus test: Go to a restaurant on a 3rd or 4th date and watch how your date treats the waiter. In six months, that's how that person will be treating you. Don't be snowed. Right now, they're still on their best behavior with you.
3) Does not return phone calls/e-mails. Now, be reasonable here. If you call at 9 in the morning on a workday, you shouldn't expect a call by 9:15. But sometime within 24 hours is totally reasonable if you have a relationship with that person.
4) Always nebulous about plans. People need a little bit of certainty. Sure, it's okay to be spontaneous every once in a while. But all the time gets a little exhausting.
5) Never says 'please' or 'thank you.' Heck, it's more important to be courteous to your SO, not less. A person who cannot acknowledge gratitude is somebody who you just don't want in your life for very long...unless you just like being treated like the hired help.
6) Talks about people behind their backs. So, what is he/she saying about you?
7) Uses the term, "To be honest with you," a lot. This is a person who regards truth as something to be rationed out. You'll never get a straight answer from this person, only spin.
I hope its okay that I post this.......Here is an article with some signs that you're dating the wrong guy:
20 Signs You're Dating Mr. Wrong
What are some other signs? Feel free to share!
Not enough potential alimony.
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