Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've never been with a guy who was any of those things, certainly not my husband.
What you need to understand is that women who choose men like this only do so because of low self esteem - they think they don't deserve any better or they think all men are this way so they just have to accept it. You might try to show them you're not like that by being the nice guy but they probably just think "sure, he's nice NOW but eventually, he'll just wind up treating me the same as all the other guys". Because I bet with most of them, their abusive, cheating, neglectful, etc partners seemed great in the beginning too, they all do. Again, the cynical belief that all men are sweet and lovely in the beginning but are actually nasty pigs is probably due to low self esteem.
1) How old are you and what age gal are you looking for? Sounds like 20's? If so, cheer up...your stock will just continue to rise as women in that age range are either together and don't get mixed up with scummy players, naive but learn the value of a good guy after getting "baby daddy" crapped on, hopeless and will never learn (avoid them like the plague).
2) To some women, NOTHING is hotter than a Good Guy with a bad boy streak. Join a gym, update your wardrobe and also get some decent dating advice especially in terms of WHERE to look for the right gals. Consider getting yourself a motorcycle, sports car, being in a band in your part-time...something with some spice. The gym however will work wonders...if you are fit with some muscles you get instant bad-boy credibility no matter what.
So basically, don't worry about attracting gals you really don't want....take control of YOUR situation and go from there!
you're right about the gym! filled with lots of cuties! and I like a guy that takes care of himself and works out! plus, it will give me more motivation to get in better shape!
I definately want a "good" guy. but also an equal partner in life. not a jerk, low self esteem, too quiet, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy
To the original poster, here is some advice:
1) How old are you and what age gal are you looking for? Sounds like 20's? If so, cheer up...your stock will just continue to rise as women in that age range are either together and don't get mixed up with scummy players, naive but learn the value of a good guy after getting "baby daddy" crapped on, hopeless and will never learn (avoid them like the plague).
2) To some women, NOTHING is hotter than a Good Guy with a bad boy streak. Join a gym, update your wardrobe and also get some decent dating advice especially in terms of WHERE to look for the right gals. Consider getting yourself a motorcycle, sports car, being in a band in your part-time...something with some spice. The gym however will work wonders...if you are fit with some muscles you get instant bad-boy credibility no matter what.
So basically, don't worry about attracting gals you really don't want....take control of YOUR situation and go from there!
I didn't really read any posts...but at one point I had enough with being the nice guy...or acting nice. I started being more of myself...kinda self-absorbed, jerk...HONEST...realistic...never had so much booty in my life.
Now, on the other hand...I wouldn't say to go out there and try to be the bigest jerk...you have to find a happy medium IMO. My g/f is crazy about me........yea I get called jerk...and she gets upset sometimes...but she knows my mentality with the whole dating situation...so she deals with it accordingly. I think if I were super nice and a pushover...she wouldn't be as attracted to me. I've had friends who were super nice...and perhaps they had the wrong girls...but c'mon...every nice guy I've ever known has been cheated on, dumped in an ill manner or has had other misfortunes.
For me...my g/f is someone I could marry...so it isn't about being a jerk to get booty...I'm just me...realistic...or at least in my mind. LOL
I think of myself as a nice guy and it hasnt been all bad.
All my past girlfriends have had big hearts and were sweet.
I have never had anyone cheat on me.
That said i do lose out to jerks...
Im still a nice guy but i have changed my approach somewhat compared..
To my early 20's.
Two things women never admit is that they 1- go for superficial "qualities" (looks or height or "macho" or "rugged" appearance etc) in choosing a mate and 2- women love to have an abusive or nasty mate
But look at the record..........How many women do you hear about, know about, read about who suffer from neglectful, cheating, abusive, nasty, violent, criminal, substance abusing etc husbands while us true Mr.nice guys get USED as boyFRIENDS for free meals or even worse for sounding boards for women to complain about and even ask for advice about their abusive (wish they were) boyfriends?
What is it? 90%, 95%, 100% of all married men or men successful with women are no good undeserving abusers?
I'm sick of it!
Is it time for me to become a slob so that I too can get a woman romantically interested in me as a man?
What do you think. Let's get some feedback in here.
Now I can't become violent and I can't become a drug user or drinker and I won't cheat or quit my job or become a criminal.
But what I can do is become a cynical (or more of a cynical) stubborn and opinionated patriarch instead of the easy going, even tempered nice guy that I am...................................but is it worth ruining the beauty, the equality, the LONG AWAITED sharing of love, contentment, peace.........once my nastiness finds me the wife which my niceness is denying me?
OK, I haven't read through this whole thread, but I had to respond to this because I think I'm one of those "nice" guys you described. I used to think like you, that nice guys finish last and to get women, you have to be a jerk. Well, grow up. Quit worrying about being what women want or modeling yourself after the person who does get women. Here's a novel idea. Just be you. If women don't like you for you, don't waste your time on them. Don't even waste energy trying to understand why they don't like you. Just move on to someone who does value you. But whatever you do, don't let yourself turn into a bitter cynic. You can still be a nice guy. Just don't let yourself become a doormat. The problem with nice guys is we let ourselves turn into a safety net for women. They take us for granted cause they know we'll always be there in the background. So go on being the nice guy you are. Just demand better treatment and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself more.
been there done that (when young briefly) what is a mans soul worth. better a unsatisfied man
than a satisfied pig. wanting is not the same as getting.
Two things women never admit is that they 1- go for superficial "qualities" (looks or height or "macho" or "rugged" appearance etc) in choosing a mate and 2- women love to have an abusive or nasty mate
But look at the record..........How many women do you hear about, know about, read about who suffer from neglectful, cheating, abusive, nasty, violent, criminal, substance abusing etc husbands while us true Mr.nice guys get USED as boyFRIENDS for free meals or even worse for sounding boards for women to complain about and even ask for advice about their abusive (wish they were) boyfriends?
What is it? 90%, 95%, 100% of all married men or men successful with women are no good undeserving abusers?
I'm sick of it!
Is it time for me to become a slob so that I too can get a woman romantically interested in me as a man?
What do you think. Let's get some feedback in here.
Now I can't become violent and I can't become a drug user or drinker and I won't cheat or quit my job or become a criminal.
But what I can do is become a cynical (or more of a cynical) stubborn and opinionated patriarch instead of the easy going, even tempered nice guy that I am...................................but is it worth ruining the beauty, the equality, the LONG AWAITED sharing of love, contentment, peace.........once my nastiness finds me the wife which my niceness is denying me?
Uh, yeah ... like you men never go for the hot blonde with the big boobs ... Grow up already!
I've never been with a guy who was any of those things, certainly not my husband.
What you need to understand is that women who choose men like this only do so because of low self esteem - they think they don't deserve any better or they think all men are this way so they just have to accept it. You might try to show them you're not like that by being the nice guy but they probably just think "sure, he's nice NOW but eventually, he'll just wind up treating me the same as all the other guys". Because I bet with most of them, their abusive, cheating, neglectful, etc partners seemed great in the beginning too, they all do. Again, the cynical belief that all men are sweet and lovely in the beginning but are actually nasty pigs is probably due to low self esteem.
true enough but the bad news----
self esteem is fixed. very little room for adjustment.
people can only adjust the appearance of self esteem.
your head (and some good 12 step and counseling) can get you a ticket out of hell, but your emotions will scream for what is bad for you for the rest of your life. they will never give up, ever.
Two things women never admit is that they 1- go for superficial "qualities" (looks or height or "macho" or "rugged" appearance etc) in choosing a mate and 2- women love to have an abusive or nasty mate
The same can be said for men. It has been admitted by some men on this board that men go for attractive very feminine women with big boobs.-superficial looks.
And I see a lot of men going for the shallow, self-centered b tchy user type women.
Quote:
Again, the cynical belief that all men are sweet and lovely in the beginning but are actually nasty pigs is probably due to low self esteem.
A person can fool you. Many of these women with butt heads actually married a nice guy that morphed into a pig. I did. As many men that married a sweet soft spoken girl woke up one day with a nagging hateful b.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Grow up already! 
