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Old 12-18-2008, 08:06 AM
 
219 posts, read 635,385 times
Reputation: 180
Default need a mans perspective - getting the spark back

My ex & I were together for 6 years, seperated a little over a year. I saw him last weekend ( We are now long distance ) we had a great time; but he said he doesnt think its as intense, he just started going out with other people 3 months ago; and said before that he was all for getting back together - but now hes not sure what he wants; since we saw each other he's stopped seeing other people to see what happens with us. I think it's hard for us to get what we had back what we had since now we only talk on the phone and havent seen each other.

He is very overwhelmed right now; he hates his job and where he lives, and is probably going to relocate in the next to months, I suggested I come with him and we see where we are after 6 months, he said he would think about it, he would be open to it, and the chances are 50/50.

I am planning on going to visit him again in Jan; I feel things are the same; but how can I give him that spark.
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:08 AM
 
7,472 posts, read 5,934,856 times
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Take it slow.
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:14 AM
 
Location: Lincoln Park
838 posts, read 2,004,938 times
Reputation: 163
an ex is an ex for a reason. I would never try to get an ex back. been there, done that. cant be bothered with it anymore
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Incognito
6,987 posts, read 12,701,177 times
Reputation: 5276
Maybe this link may help:


Spicing up your sexual relationship, sex education at Love-Sessions.com
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:38 AM
 
24,774 posts, read 26,159,449 times
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You know, I think bring some imagination into the bedroom. I'm not talking about wearing a leather catsuit or anything, but step outside your comfort zone.

In fact, the best advice possible is to TALK TO HIM about what cranks his tractor, and try not to be wigged out when he tells you. Just be open-minded about things. I'm not advocating you have a threesome (Unless you're into that sort of thing), but at the same time losing your inhibitions can be a liberating thing.

Look at it this way. I love steak. But feed me steak 3-4 times a week, and I'm going to get tired of steak, no matter how well it's prepared. Lovemaking is the same way. The same tired way of doing things will eventually get a tired response, as in going through the motions.
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:41 AM
 
3,674 posts, read 6,935,892 times
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From the sound of your post, it seemed like he was trolling for a place to stay. Six months may turn out to be two years. I'd say to keep seeing him before moving back in together and see how that goes for 6 months.
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:42 AM
 
Location: West Texas
2,440 posts, read 3,611,932 times
Reputation: 2999
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
You know, I think bring some imagination into the bedroom. I'm not talking about wearing a leather catsuit or anything, but step outside your comfort zone.

In fact, the best advice possible is to TALK TO HIM about what cranks his tractor, and try not to be wigged out when he tells you. Just be open-minded about things. I'm not advocating you have a threesome (Unless you're into that sort of thing), but at the same time losing your inhibitions can be a liberating thing.

Look at it this way. I love steak. But feed me steak 3-4 times a week, and I'm going to get tired of steak, no matter how well it's prepared. Lovemaking is the same way. The same tired way of doing things will eventually get a tired response, as in going through the motions.
Perfect response.

Only possible thing I would add is to realize that all new intimacy is "spicy". That spice dies over time.. and that's normal. He's getting that spice again with his new relationships possibly just because they're new, different, and exciting. But like CPG said... talk to him. You may find out that he's not spicy enough for you!
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:45 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
4,739 posts, read 5,448,424 times
Reputation: 2913
I don't know what caused the original break up but if someone wasn't sure they wanted to be with me I wouldn't push it. Why would you want to be in that position?
If I were him and I just got done telling you that after dating for only three months I'm not so sure I ever want to get back together with you and you said I have an idea, why don't I come live with you, I wouldn't have much respect for you.
Think more of yourself, you deserve better no matter what happened in the past.
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:46 AM
 
219 posts, read 635,385 times
Reputation: 180
I don't think its a sexual thing, I think it's Rathagos is right him seeing new people was new, different and exciting. I think it's like the Sandals Commercial - "Where you go to fall in love again"

How do you fall in love again?
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Old 12-18-2008, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Northeast TN
3,885 posts, read 5,217,942 times
Reputation: 3509
I'm not sure you could give him that spark back. That is something that he will have to work out himself and from your post it sounds like he's confused about what he wants.
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