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Old 12-18-2008, 11:59 AM
 
Location: TwilightZone
5,299 posts, read 1,781,586 times
Reputation: 1031
Default People in Denial!

Toxicity all around me...is it any wonder I'm so frustrated???

Must be something in the air again as this week's 'theme' for me seems to be the messed up people around me which I end up in battles with...

Yesterday I ended up getting into it with an old acquaintance of mine(I won't say friend b/c it's been more rocky over the years than not)...anyway this guy has got even more problems at home than I do,yet he usually seems to be in denial. One day he'll talk about how bad everything is,then the next day he'll act like he's got it all together,which from seeing everything he clearly does not. This leads to insecurity and thus lashing out easily.

Case #2...again my own wife and I are always going back and forth b/c despite claiming to be 'outspoken' she'll never say anything corrective to anyone,not even her own family/child etc. Which can only hurt in the end b/c then no one will ever know what they're doing wrong.

So apparently I'm the 'bad guy' b/c I'm usually the problemsolver that just likes to work on something and get it out of the way rather than going in the same circles and recurrances,which usually involves saying things that people don't like to hear but ya know what if no one ever says anything then nothing will ever get solved.

Sue me.
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:05 PM
 
14,755 posts, read 14,179,341 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StuckPA View Post
she'll never say anything corrective to anyone,not even her own family/child etc. Which can only hurt in the end b/c then no one will ever know what they're doing wrong.

So apparently I'm the 'bad guy' b/c I'm usually the problemsolver that just likes to work on something and get it out of the way rather than going in the same circles and recurrances,which usually involves saying things that people don't like to hear but ya know what if no one ever says anything then nothing will ever get solved.
My Mom is like that....glosses over EVERYTHING. Her (artificial / denial induced) naivete has hurt her and I point that out to her.

Right, I'm a no BS "fix it" type person that hates glossing over most "fixable" problems.
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,511 posts, read 11,537,064 times
Reputation: 9094
I know how you feel. And I was like your wife for years--didn't say anything b'c I was afraid to make waves. Then, I started getting assertive and not caring where the chips landed--until they landed on my head. I soon found I couldn't change the world and decided speaking up does no good, in fact, just made things worse. But I couldn't go back to stressing about it again either, I knew that much. So I decided to just roll with it. Shrug it off. Go about my business and let them work it out themselves. If I'm involved, do my part and get out of the way. I don't think that's being cynical but more realistic. People will change things when they're ready no matter what you do for them. Roll with it but remember to duck when necessary.
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:22 PM
 
Location: TwilightZone
5,299 posts, read 1,781,586 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
My Mom is like that....glosses over EVERYTHING. Her (artificial / denial induced) naivete has hurt her and I point that out to her.

Right, I'm a no BS "fix it" type person that hates glossing over most "fixable" problems.
Well that seems to be a woman thing in general,especially the pre-baby boomers. They were always taught to be proper and never speak,which is also why there was very little divorce in those times.
And women in general are not problem solvers,they may btch and complain forever yet not really want solutions...just to 'have someone listen'

I generally won't badger someone unless they want to get all belligerant with me,then I'll lay into them even more! I liken it to dealing with children...'you will listen to me and know what's good for you'. Hey I had to take it,why shouldn't they?
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:27 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 16,460,829 times
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My inlaws are like that...frustrating, isn't it?
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:27 PM
 
Location: TwilightZone
5,299 posts, read 1,781,586 times
Reputation: 1031
Quote:
Originally Posted by Public_Newsense View Post
I know how you feel. And I was like your wife for years--didn't say anything b'c I was afraid to make waves. Then, I started getting assertive and not caring where the chips landed--until they landed on my head. I soon found I couldn't change the world and decided speaking up does no good, in fact, just made things worse. But I couldn't go back to stressing about it again either, I knew that much. So I decided to just roll with it. Shrug it off. Go about my business and let them work it out themselves. If I'm involved, do my part and get out of the way. I don't think that's being cynical but more realistic. People will change things when they're ready no matter what you do for them. Roll with it but remember to duck when necessary.
I've tried 'just being a spectator'...but somehow I always get dragged into 'being a participant'. So I can't seem to get away from it no matter what I do,which is why I've become more of an 'avoidance' type person...just avoid it at all costs whenever possible. People may look at it as being 'detached' or whatever but I've had enough of that stuff.

It's kind of like the philosophies of the martial arts...avoid as much as you can but if you get backed into a corner,come out swinging!
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:29 PM
 
Location: TwilightZone
5,299 posts, read 1,781,586 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrstewart View Post
My inlaws are like that...frustrating, isn't it?
It's ok to watch but the ultimate in frustration to be in it!
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:29 PM
Status: "Its Football time!!!" (set 22 days ago)
 
Location: Houston, TX
15,388 posts, read 14,874,220 times
Reputation: 13661
Its the holidays, the time of year where s### hits the fan.
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:30 PM
 
Location: TwilightZone
5,299 posts, read 1,781,586 times
Reputation: 1031
Oh I've got it all year round
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Old 12-18-2008, 12:31 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 16,460,829 times
Reputation: 7227
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oildog View Post
Its the holidays, the time of year where s### hits the fan.
We affectionately call it a sh*t storm...
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