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Old 12-19-2008, 02:10 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,193,136 times
Reputation: 4297

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Poor woman. How brave to lay this out. Too bad that she felt she could only speak of this in a childfree forum - a place she felt she'd be somewhat understood. Unfortunately there is a stigma to saying "I had a kid and profoundly regret it". Undoubtedly, she felt that saying it around other parents would only bring condemnation, total non-understanding, or just more platitudes that she bought and which got her into this misery in the first place.

When it is too late, it gets worse - BellaOnline Forums
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Old 12-19-2008, 04:53 AM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,721 posts, read 3,497,708 times
Reputation: 1292
Wow! After reading her post, I have to catch my breath. I really feel her pain. She needs to let her husband know how she feels because she and the child are in for a life of misery. Imagine living with the knowledge that your mother never wanted you and doesn't love you.
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Old 12-19-2008, 05:00 AM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 17,808,592 times
Reputation: 9346
Interesting story. I can't believe her therapists have never known anyone with the same feelings b'c I've talked to more people than I can remember who felt that way. It's sad for not only her but I really feel sorry for the child. I'm just glad he was wanted by his dad.

There's an unspoken connection between mother and child--in most cases--that even a baby feels and respond to. Likewise, when that connection doesn't exist they feel and respond to that, too.

I don't know what the answer is but I do feel for her. I think it's wrong to hound and pressure someone who tells you they do not want children to have them anyway. It's not fair to that person or the child--even if they do end up being 'responsible' with them. Responsibility keeps them safe but love shapes them. How much can you really love a child you constantly regret having?

I know she loves her husband but I can't help but wonder why she didn't seek someone with the same feelings about having children from the beginning--there are ways of doing that. But that's water under the bridige. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. I dunno. Very sad situation. I can't help but be sad for the child and feel for her at the same time.

ETA: Another part of me which has always believed that we're where we are largely b'c of choices we've made wants to say the final decision was hers, she can't blame anyone else. I'm very torn.

Last edited by Whyte Byrd; 12-19-2008 at 05:14 AM..
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Old 12-19-2008, 05:04 AM
 
1,300 posts, read 2,302,494 times
Reputation: 1281
Why couldn't she be honest to the guy before she married him to begin with? It seems these days, people are so desperate to have somebody they don't talk before the ring!


I feel absolute pity for the kid for having to grow up and finding out that "Mom" never wanted him or loved him. I have none for her. If she missed the freedom, why did she went for marriage? Maybe she shouldn't got married.
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Old 12-19-2008, 05:41 AM
 
3,088 posts, read 7,789,485 times
Reputation: 2029
What doesn't she just leave the kid with the dude and move on?
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Old 12-19-2008, 05:51 AM
 
Location: in purgurtory in London
3,721 posts, read 3,497,708 times
Reputation: 1292
Quote:
Originally Posted by nitokenshi View Post
What doesn't she just leave the kid with the dude and move on?
I hope that's what she decides to do. I guess some women are so afraid of not having a husband or being alone they would do anything...she wanted to keep her man at all costs.
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Old 12-19-2008, 06:27 AM
 
Location: a primitive state
9,890 posts, read 20,191,724 times
Reputation: 12459
She made her decision.

The child will be better off with a distant mother than growing up thinking she was abandoned. Adults have to behave like adults. She has a responsibility to someone other than herself, now. It's time she make the best of it and do her job.
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Old 12-19-2008, 06:28 AM
 
Location: SC
462 posts, read 881,568 times
Reputation: 339
I dont have a problem with people who dont want kids. I have a problem with someone giving birth to a child they dont want & spending the rest of their lives making that child strive to win their love & approval that they will never receive.

THAT is the cruelest form of child abuse I can imagine.
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Old 12-19-2008, 06:39 AM
 
Location: ♥State of the heart♥
1,118 posts, read 4,379,793 times
Reputation: 839
Quote:
Originally Posted by moonpieheaven View Post
I dont have a problem with people who dont want kids. I have a problem with someone giving birth to a child they dont want & spending the rest of their lives making that child strive to win their love & approval that they will never receive.

THAT is the cruelest form of child abuse I can imagine.
Amen to that. DH knew a woman whose mother told her as a child that she didn't want her; never wanted her. The woman saw therapist after therapist throughout her life, then ended up committing suicide in her early 30's. Her mother is still alive; what goes through your head then? It always struck me as such a sad story, then to find out she killed herself - what pain she endured in her life.
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Old 12-19-2008, 06:44 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
21,962 posts, read 21,769,101 times
Reputation: 21529
Like Public, I know tons of people that feel the same as this woman. I cant believe her husband, therapist or obgyn didnt pick up on how she felt. I do feel for her but ultimately it was her decision.

Children should definitely be discussed before marriage and no one should have a child to appease someone else. I once dated a guy that started talking about having my tubal reversed. See Ya!

Now she need to make a decision to stay in this situation or move on. Moving on would probably be the best for all involved. Im sure she can find someone that dosent want kids.
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