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1. Call the Domestic Violence Hotline. Get advice.
2. Give him an ultimatum. Either he goes to domestic violence/anger management, or you are divorcing him.
3. Actually leave him if he refuses.
4. Get proof of his physical / verbal abuse somehow. Something tells me you're gonna need it.
5. Get some therapy for yourself, seriously. This sounds like a deeper pattern to me (like co-dependency, fear of abandonment...).
Location: Pelion, South Carolina/orig. from Cape May, NJ
1,113 posts, read 3,494,372 times
Reputation: 1176
I was pretty much in the same boat as you-married for 12 years to a verbally-abusive alcoholic with 2 kids-one a girl with autism. For years I endured his bull****, until he started turning on the kids and my 10-year old son begged me to leave him. I decided I couldn't subject my kids to his crap anymore and I threw his a** out. Yeah it may be tough financially, but I would rather swallow my pride and live on Welfare than live with an abusive man.
As for being "too old" and not being able to find a man who will accept your autistic child, I am 40 years old and got remarried in March to a great guy who loves me and fully accepts my daughter. She's only 5 years old now and he realizes the road may get rocky as she grows up, but obviously he's willing to be there for her if he married me.
Don't ever give up on finding someone who will love you and your kids and treat you right. I say get out now before your husband turns his wrath on your defenseless kids.
I didn't say they weren't...my point was the filtration process...she does not have to take the advice but to immediately shut it down with excuses seems to be counter productive since it seems she already has her mind made up...why waste the time?
I didn't say they weren't...my point was the filtration process...she does not have to take the advice but to immediately shut it down with excuses seems to be counter productive since it seems she already has her mind made up...why waste the time?
I think you know you've gotta get you and your kids out of that kind of environment. Do it, please. My late wife was married to someone very much like him. It's very possible that he landed the fatal blow that killed her years later. She was a brilliant woman, had it all, but she took all the abuse he could hand out and didn't leave him until he started on the kids.
But your main question seemed to be about the likelihood of finding another partner after the divorce. If you're as you seem to be and as you described yourself, I don't think you'd have any problems. You might not have quite the choice you'd have without a special needs child, but yes, you could find a good man.
At my age (63) I wouldn't be interested in raising small children, (Hmmmm.... Wanna meet my son?) but when I was 40-45, sure; they wouldn't be deal-breakers.
But I agree with the majority here. 1. Get rid of the abuser. 2. Get yourself right with being a single mom. 3. Take your time finding the right guy. Don't settle for one until you're as sure as can be.
The other thing, if the husband sees that his abusive ways are leading to divorce, it might be the one thing that makes him look at how things are and change. But it has to be a real possibility, not just a threat.
Separation sometimes works. Jolts the other in reality.
Pam721
Your post made me cry, you do not need his crud your children do not need his crud.Your son needs a stable and calm environment, you and your daughter need this too.I am so sorry that you are going through this and I will keep you in my prayers.
Blessings Michelle
Pam721
Your post made me cry, you do not need his crud your children do not need his crud.Your son needs a stable and calm environment, you and your daughter need this too.I am so sorry that you are going through this and I will keep you in my prayers.
Blessings Michelle
You bring up a good point MichelleLeigh. Pam, I'm sure you know this but I'll go ahead and post it, when your kids see your husband's abusive behavior, they might grow up thinking that it is acceptable to behave like that.
Just something to think about.
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