Dating Several People At Once

[edwardius]

Originally Posted by ImCurlybelle

I've dated a few men at one time- Dating meaning out out, doing things, and having fun- Once it got to another level and "I" decided I wanted to be exclusive than I cut off all my other options- And, not at any time was I having sex with any of them ... Dating = taking the time to get to know someone and seeing if there are any natural flowing chemistry, sparks and connection ...

I do think sex clouds people's judgement. What I have noticed in women, but I might not notice as much in men because I am a guy, is that sex really does cloud women't judgements about men. The more often they have slept with a guy the more they will overlook his drawbacks.

As a guy with women I like a lot, I do try to sleep with them asap because I think I can even use the fact sex does cloud women's judgements to my advantage. But I also believe that women who don't rush into sex probably make better decisions about who they should date.

Relationships are both adversarial and cooperative at the same time and I see no reason to not press for advantages when women drop the ball and let me get away with it. Especially in matters that will increase my standing in the future relationship. I think most people do it as well, I am just more forthright about it, both with others and myself.

[Ron.]

Ok. O think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. I certainly don't want to nor have time to explain anything to you. But I think you're making it a bigger deal than what it really is.

Originally Posted by CESpeed

I feel so bad for the unlucky woman.

Age has nothing to do with it. If you are not in an exclusive relationship,then who you see when is no one's business but your own. I don't agree with the "keep it short thing" unless you are dead set against having a real relationship. If you are dating and trying to get to know someone with the eventual hope that you will be in a long term relationship, you can't "keep it short" you'll never get to know someone tha tway.

[pitt_transplant]

So you never had more than three friends at once?

I don't know..Always just felt like that to me.

[sierraAZ]

SAZ what I am saying is not that serious. Do not read into it.

I suppose that's another way of wording what I'm saying...

[edwardius]

Originally Posted by miu

So for you, it's a "don't ask, don't tell" sort of situation? If my boyfriend had done that with me, I would have been very disappointed with the person I thought he was.

Maybe some like playing the field and dating several people at once before settling down with just one person, but that's not for me. It offends my sense of integrity. I'd much rather see just one guy at a time and not compare them all at once and pick the best one. That's not the way love works for me.

Here is the thing, you aren't boyfriend or girlfriend with this person yet. In a committed relationship, I don't believe in cheating on someone. I am not advocating cheating at all.

But when there is no committed relationship, I think its misguided to pretend that there is a committed relationship out of hope it will turn into some sort of committed relationship.

When you aren't in a committed relationship, the other person you are seeing may very well being going on dates with other people. When I was younger, there were several times when I would pursue one woman and only one woman at a time but often the woman I was interested wasn't pursuing the same dating strategy, often she would be going on dates with several different guys.

If I objected then the girl would generally accuse me (and men in general) of trying to control women and there was a lot of male bashing involved about men (meaning me) being control freaks. When I was 17, that happened several different times. But what I discovered serendipitiously is that if a woman knew you had other options as well, many were willing to drop their other options if they were afraid they might lose you to one of the other women you were also showing some interest in.

From that time on, I do ask a lot of women out when I am not in a committed relationship. I figure most of these women won't pan out, but when you have a lot of women in the pipeline, pretty quickly you will find someone who it will work out with.

[Black Jack22]

I would date no more than 2 or 3 women at a time at the most.

[Huckleberry3911948]

i used to envy people that "dated" a lot. but that was b4 AIDS.

[robertpolyglot]

Maybe in college...and up to 5 years after that.

Beyond that, too much work...

[edwardius]

Not everyone who gives you a phone number, who agrees to go out to coffee with you or even who agrees to have dinner with you is going to sleep with you. Some people will let things get sexual more quickly than others, but with a lot of women things are going to go much slower or not at all. Because you don't know what is going to happen with any particular person early on, it makes sense to have some back up options because in all likelihood with any one particular woman nothing is going to work out at all.

Early on dating is a numbers game. You ask a lot of women for their phone numbers and a lot will turn you down. Of those you will ask a lot of them out for coffee and/or dinner, it won't work out with most of them either. But if you ask out a lot of people, eventually you will find someone to create a love connection with.

My own feeling is that if I am not getting rejected often enough, I am probably showing enough initiative in creating my own social life. You aren't going to like everyone you meet and not everyone you meet is going to like you. But often the only way to figure out if there could be a match is to ask some one out. You are just asking someone to have coffee with you, not for their hand in marriage. What is the worst thing that can happen when you ask someone out, that they will say no? Perhaps you end up buying coffee or dinner for someone who you aren't that into who isn't that into you, again is that any worse than eating dinner alone because you haven't found the right person yet?

But when you are asking someone out, you are getting off your butt and getting on with life. The cure for feeling lonely isn't to wallow in self pity about how unlovable you are or how unfair life is, the cure is to ask a bunch of people for there phone numbers and then to ask those same people if they want to do something with you. That will actually change your situation. That is the approapiate response to feeling lonely. The cost of that is you have to hear some people say no.

All well. That which doesn't kill me strengthens me. There are people dealing with life threatening illness, watching people they care about suffer. In the big picture that someone felt that I might not be their ideal match really isn't that big of deal.

[artsyguy]

Huck we wouldn't want you to look like this now would we....

http://www.go-redbirds.com/Brinkley/CryptKeeper.jpg

Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948

i used to envy people that "dated" a lot. but that was b4 AIDS.