Celibacy Blues (guys, personality, partner, romantic)

[Rathagos]

I've brought this up in the past, and something to consider (not saying it's right or wrong, but just something to consider).

In 1943, Abraham Maslow (a psychologist) put together a paper called "A Theory of Human Motivation." It was based on a pyramid (still used in business classes today in college) regarding the levels of self-need and actualization. The bottom level of the pyramid is actual needs. Then it moves up the physiological and psychological scales.

In any case, the bottom level needs (for any person to continue living) is: breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, and excretion. The thing to note is that sex is often thought of as a need, on some physiological level for a sound state of mind and survival.

So, the debate rages on as to whether it's a normal biological function or just icing on the cake and not required. But it could be considered "normal progression" in any relationship, especially one moving into intimacy (on different levels). Arbitrarily saying "any guy who leaves for not getting it is a jerk" is throwing away a logical argument that has it's debative roots in far greater think tanks than CD forums.

[crbcrbrgv]

I have a question for you ladies. Don't you think that a man that is willing to put up with such a situation is not very manly? In my opinion, a guy who puts up with celibacy for a long time is kind of a mama's boy. Aren't most women attracted to guys who aggresively go after both their wants and needs while satiating each to the fullest using the best of their abilities? Sorry, but I think a guy that is putting up with this is either a. a weenie or b. getting it somewhere else.

[ImCurlybelle]

Personally, I'd like to find a man who is a freak'n billionaire and hates sex, then I can take it all in and shop, shop, shop, and not have to do a thing for it ... LOL!!!!

Trophy-cover up wife, he lost his "man card" ! LMFAO !

[Coldjensens]

Originally Posted by CESpeed

There's nothing wrong with living a celibate life. You are not denying yourself anything. I feel sorry for people who believe sex is the end all and be all of life. There is so much more to life than sex.

When one does have sex it should be a throughly enjoyable and it can't be if you are wondering if this is all the person wants from you. A period of getting to know a person before sex is never a bad thing. But you have to tell the person in advance that this is the type of relationship you want so they can decide if they want that, too.

If someone is going to leave you simply because you won't have sex with them, then that's all they wanted in the first place and you dodged a major bullet.

Glad to see some sense in some of these posts. Sex is not a right in a rleationship, it is a gift. It is the ultimate expression of love and should not be taken or given lightly. If he cannot wait then you probably made a bad choice to begin with.

Frankly, when I was dating, if someone was willing to jump int he sack right away, I tended to lose interest. It kind of makes sex meaningless. Besindes, I would question the commitment of anyone who was too "easy"

Many young girls now are obtaining "promise rings" which is a ring representing their promise to their future spouse to save themselves for the right one rather than treating sex as recreational activity. They give the ring to their spouse on their engagement or wedding night (I am not sure which, it is not something that is generally discussed with Daddies). It seems to be getting more and more common. I see a lot of Midle school girls carrying around the "Promise" book. I do not know how many are actually making or keeping the promise, but a lot are reading the book.

[orangeapple]

Originally Posted by crbcrbrgv

I have a question for you ladies. Don't you think that a man that is willing to put up with such a situation is not very manly? In my opinion, a guy who puts up with celibacy for a long time is kind of a mama's boy. Aren't most women attracted to guys who aggresively go after both their wants and needs while satiating each to the fullest using the best of their abilities? Sorry, but I think a guy that is putting up with this is either a. a weenie or b. getting it somewhere else.

Women don't want men to club them over a head and drag them into a cave and have their way...no.

[Coldjensens]

Originally Posted by Rathagos

I've brought this up in the past, and something to consider (not saying it's right or wrong, but just something to consider).

In 1943, Abraham Maslow (a psychologist) put together a paper called "A Theory of Human Motivation." It was based on a pyramid (still used in business classes today in college) regarding the levels of self-need and actualization. The bottom level of the pyramid is actual needs. Then it moves up the physiological and psychological scales.

In any case, the bottom level needs (for any person to continue living) is: breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis, and excretion. The thing to note is that sex is often thought of as a need, on some physiological level for a sound state of mind and survival.

So, the debate rages on as to whether it's a normal biological function or just icing on the cake and not required. But it could be considered "normal progression" in any relationship, especially one moving into intimacy (on different levels). Arbitrarily saying "any guy who leaves for not getting it is a jerk" is throwing away a logical argument that has it's debative roots in far greater think tanks than CD forums.

Among the things on the list only sex is a choice rather than a necessity for life. I iknow a few people who have lived their whole life without having sex and they did nto die fo sex deprivation. However, they could not live wihtout breathing, food, water, sleep or excretion. I have no idea what homeostasis is. However this sounds more like something that the psychologist wants to belive

[orangeapple]

Originally Posted by Coldjensens

Many young girls now are obtaining "promise rings" which is a ring representing their promise to their future spouse to save themselves for the right one rather than treating sex as recreational activity. They give the ring to their spouse on their engagement or wedding night (I am not sure which, it is not something that is generally discussed with Daddies). It seems to be getting more and more common. I see a lot of Midle school girls carrying around the "Promise" book. I do not know how many are actually making or keeping the promise, but a lot are reading the book.

The ring thing is creepy though.... and why is virginity always emphasized for women only? I hate that double standard...
Advertising your choice to wait for marriage seems tasteless to me. This also seems like something parents impose on their daughters, instead of a personal decision to maintain moral integrity.

[ImCurlybelle]

I think the virgin thing is emphasized greatly with women because soon as boys discover their penis they love it so much they say, "I got to get more of that" and off they going, so young sport screwing ... LOL! And, if they do wait a very long time, they're usually devoting their life to "God" if you know what I mean ... Women are more deep, sensitive and into happily ever after ...

[CESpeed]

Originally Posted by WyoNewk

Sure, there are those who only want sex without any commitment, but there are many others who want a rounded relationship, and sex is a very important part of a relationship for most healthy people.

Keyword: part of a relationship. I disagree about the "very important". If sex is the only way you express your feelings, then what feelings are you expressing?

If you don't want sex in your relationships, by all means don't have it just to save a relationship. At best you'll only keep him until you tire of the sex, even if it's after the wedding.

Where did I say I didn't want sex as a part of the relationship? I simply said that it is not the most important part and I don't want a relationship that is based on sex.

Be yourself if you want a lasting and rewarding relationship. If you like lots of kinky sex, have lots of kinky sex. If the guy doesn't like it, it's better to know that early. If he likes lots of kinky sex but you don't, it's better that you both know that too.


Your theory is more full of holes than Swiss cheese, CESpeed. I wouldn't want to be with ANY woman who didn't want to have sex with me, no matter how much I loved her. Any woman that I'm going to consider for a long-term relationship has got to like me and like sex. That's not to say I'd leave her because she became ill. That's B.S.

Leaving a woman or not developing a relationship because she is not having sex with you is proof that you never loved her or wanted a real relationship, you just want a physical relationship.

I don't know how important sex is to you, KMG, but if you've been seeing a guy for 8 months without sex, I'd guess it's not too important to either of you. I can't imagine dating a gal for 8 days without having sex, much less 8 weeks or 8 months!

I'd suggest you have a pow-wow with the guy if you like him. Put the cards on the table, and be honest.

It never ceases to amaze me that guys think that a woman is suppose to let him into her, let him use her body and cross her fingers that he'll fall in love with her. If all you want is sex why not go to a prostitute?

[robertpolyglot]

Celibacy, when in the horny college student mode, is a sentence of sorts. As an adult, it can be kind of cathartic and cleansing (and I mean attitudinally, not necessarily spiritually).