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I'll be 40 here soon, never married. I've been told that there must be something wrong with me. Some people still live by the axiom that marriage out of college with the white house, picket fence and 2.3 kids is the standard by which we should all live. Not.
I've been engaged. I don't believe in divorce. I take marriage very seriously. If I can't see forever, I'm not walking down the aisle.
Good post. I'm also 40, never married but have been engaged. I'd rather that my engagement was broken than to have married the jerk and been divorced a year later.
Still, I think a lot of guys would look at me in a more favorable light if I was divorced and not "single".
Still, I think a lot of guys would look at me in a more favorable light if I was divorced and not "single".
Why is that? I've certainly heard the opposite.
Are you supposed to have learned something by the experience - say not be too choosy? I can't see this. I think divorce makes many women quite cynical. They are quick to take offense to the most neutral, innocuous comments and situations.
For N. American men, the 40's seems to be the "taboo" period. Many women consider a single man of that age as either a "shirker" or in the closet. Many assume that such men are desperate and will suddenly make the most hare-brained attempts at matchmaking.
They should look for the same types of men when they are in their late 20's to about 35. Many would be a good catch but unfortunately, its a different type of person they are trying to set up, then.
i think its taboo to be in your 30s and obsessed with finding a mate. The 30s should be a decade of doing what you want- single or not, being confident and self assured. If a mate comes along- so be it. Why should we be defined by being in a relationship?
I knew a guy who was married and divorced twice in 20 years. He used that 20 years of being married as a badge of stability to point out that there had to be something wrong with me for not ever being married.
He cheated on his first wife at least a dozen times and treated her horribly. Then he left her for a married woman he found on the net who used her 16 year old daughter's photo on her profile to pass off as her own.....and he married her anyway. He left his wife and kids to move to AUSTRALIA to be with this woman.....they are now divorced.
Moral of the story....people who have been married are not necessarily marriage material.
Are you supposed to have learned something by the experience - say not be too choosy? I can't see this. I think divorce makes many women quite cynical. They are quick to take offense to the most neutral, innocuous comments and situations.
I think it's because if you get to a certain age (30? 35? 40?) without being married, some people will think there must be something "wrong" with you. I've been treated like crap by guys, but for some crazy reason I still believe there's a man out there somewhere for me. I'm more cynical (realistic?) than I used to be, but not so much that it should scare a guy off.
My break up with my ex-fiance was the closest I ever want to get to divorce. We owned a house together and had to deal with the financial issues relating to that. Plus he had awesome kids and losing the kids was really hard on me. I don't ever want to go through that kind of pain again so I will try to be careful should I ever meet someone to marry. Of course, there's no guarantee, but I did learn a few things from the last couple relationships.
I used to trust guys I dated pretty easily, now it takes a bit more for me to trust them (at least I think so, haven't met the next guy yet). I'll give a guy the benefit of the doubt to a point, depending on the "offense" but I'm trying to be better about not being a doormat and believing every excuse they can find for whatever it is they do (standing me up, not calling for days on end, cheating, lying, etc.) Sometimes things may seem neutral and innocuous, but looking at it from the other person's point of view, it could really be something hurtful.
In the United States do you think it is taboo to be over 30 and single in the true sense.. meaning unmarried AND not having a boyfriend/girlfriend? This is an extremely taboo situation in most Asian cultures I am wondering if it is perceived the same way in the United States as well.
No, it is not "taboo" in the U.S. There are multiple reasons for such situations but perhaps the most common would be:
1. an individual who is focused on an intense professional career and/or graduate education. Such positions might be in medicine, law, banking/investments, or even sales/consulting. These positions often involve three significant impediments to marriage/long term relationship: transitory professional commitments, VERY long work hours, and/or lots of travel. Thus, little time and/or opportunity for a committed relationship
2. A person who is divorced or between long-term relationships who wants to take a little time as a single to "take a break," play the field, or reassess things in their life.
It is quite acceptable in the U.S. to be single (male or female) and date different people, even in your 30's and 40's. One of the advantages of the culture of this great nation is that it allows for a wide variety of social situations.
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